EckerNet.Com

Occasionally I enjoy stopping by some of the liberal echo-chambers just to see what they\’ve worked themselves into a frenzy over lately. It\’s sometimes shocking, occasionally scary, but mostly just amusing. Especially when they think they are being clever, like I\’m sure Robert Elising thought he was being when he wrote 50 Easy Questions to Ask Any Republican. From his intro, and the tone of the questions, I\’m sure he felt that they were simple questions that would still bring any Republican to his knees in an attempt to contemplate his oh-so-clever wit. Instead, they are comical misguided questions that reveal more about what he thinks Republicans believe than anything else.

So let\’s dive right in and see what cheesy little nuggets the clever little lefty left us, shall we?

1. What are the Top Seven best things that the Bush Administration has done?

I guess I was pretty keen on the whole tax cut thing, I like my money and so I like getting to keep it. Giving Saddam Hussein a boot in the ass, and then planting the seed of democracy in Iraq were certainly plusses. Terminating Osama Bin Laden\’s lease on his Afghani cave was pretty nice. Getting rid of the Taliban and planting the seed of democracy there as well was a bonus. Turning around the shitty economy he inherited was a plus. Nomination of some decent judges was a welcome development.

2. Is the Iraq War is going well?

Eh. Not as well as we could have hoped, but progress is definitely being made, so yeah.

3. After three years thus far, when do you think Iraq might be able to \”stand up\” so that America can \”stand down\”?

My boots are not on the ground (and neither are yours) so I don\’t know for certain. It certainly appears as if progress is being made on that. An entire province was just turned over to the Iraqis, so I guess an answer to your question would be \”It\’s happening right now\”, but really that\’s up to the guys that carry the guns.

4. For his part in the event, how would you rate the job the President did protecting New Orleans from devastation?

Since when is it POTUS\’s job to protect any city from natural disasters?? It\’s not even the governors job. Mayor Nagin holds that responsibility, and he fucked it up good and proper.

5. How do you think the rebuilding of New Orleans is going?

About as well as you can expect for a city that is a model of corruption. I think it\’s rather telling that many of the residents STILL have not returned. Once they saw what a real government is like, why go back?

6. When Dick Cheney and the oil company and energy executives met in private to plan America\’s energy policy, how much of their goal was to benefit consumers?

Hmmm, well, it\’s obvious you are not well schooled in business. Oil/Energy company executives are responsible only to their stockholders, not the public. Their goal is to make as large a profit as legally possible. Such competition is the reason this countries economy is the envy of the world.

7. Do you believe in the President\’s call for an Era of Personal Responsibility?

I don\’t think it should be an \”Era\”. Eras end. Personal responsibility should be a rule. You are personally responsible for yourself, and you should stop expecting other people to pick up your slack. You get what you earn, quit free-loading you deadbeat.

8. Since Republicans control the White House, Senate and House of Representatives, how personally responsible are they for conditions in America today?

Well so far the government is not personally involved in my day to day activities…and as long as the Republicans are in charge that should hopefully remain the case. In a broader sense they do carry quite a bit of responsibility for the current state of our nation, which fortunately is in pretty damn good shape. Of course, they can\’t take all the credit…the Democrats have been obstructing as hard as they can so presumably things could be better if they didn\’t keep getting in the way.

9. Why do you think they haven\’t been able to find anyone who can verify that George Bush ever showed up for National Guard duty in Alabama?

No idea. But since he was honorably discharged, I presume that he fulfilled his duty until it\’s proven otherwise. Do you remember the face of every person you were around 30 years ago?

10. Would you want Donald Rumsfeld to plan your daughter\’s wedding?

No. I would want her to plan it, along with her fiancee. Presumably, her mother and I would play a small role if they wanted, along with his parents.

Probably a better question would be why you think a complex military operation involving millions of people and machines around the world can be compared to a wedding??

11. Are you aware that no government in the history of civilization, other than the Bush Administration, has lowered taxes during a war?

Really? Wow, congrats Bush!! That\’s pretty impressive!! Bonus points for you.

12. Are you married?

Nope. Why you know any hot single ex-gymnasts who currently own a liquor store?

13. Do you personally feel threatened by gay marriage?

As in do I expect a gay married couple to break into my home and beat me up? No. But I also don\’t think marriage doesn\’t need to be redefined. Civil unions aren\’t enough for you?

14. Since getting elected, do you think the President has been more a uniter or a divider?

Well it\’s hardly his job to get everyone to hold hands and sing kumbaya. I\’m not even sure why he claimed he would. Especially if the Democrats are gonna be such sore losers for 6 straight years. The fact that he\’s still breathing pisses Democrats off….how do you unite that?

15. How do you explain the President\’s approval rating going from a high of 90% to the current mid-30%?

Well actually it\’s currently low 40s but we\’re nit-picking. Right now it\’s low because his base isn\’t happy with the high spending and the immigration issue. If he turned those around I would expect he\’d be right back up in the 50s and 60s.

16. Do you like the government collecting personal data on you without a warrant?

Generally no, but it depends on what data it is and in what manner it\’s collected. If it\’s collected as part of the public to establish patterns, then fine. Enjoy yourself.

17. How much money do you have in your bank account, stocks and investments?

Contrary to popular belief not every Republican is an ex-oil executive. And posting my assets publicly on a website is probably not a smart idea. However, I\’d say it\’s not as much as your stereotype would imply.

18. What\’s your partner\’s favorite sex position?

At the moment, have no partner, and if I did, she probably wouldn\’t appreciate me telling you, so once again I\’d have no partner. I could tell you mine but you didn\’t ask that…too bad cheddarhead.

19. If you have nothing to hide, why aren\’t you answering?

Actually I am.

20. Should we build a wall along the Mexican border?

YES!! Yesterday if possible. A physical wall please.

21. Why isn\’t anyone building a wall along the Canadian border?

Because we don\’t have hundreds of thousands of illegal immigrants coming across that border every year. However, it does need to be more closely watch, I\’ll agree. Priorities though. And since we don\’t have quite the problem of illegals crossing up there, a \”virtual wall\” would probably suffice. Probably an actual one in urban areas though.

22. Does that terrorist gang arrested in Canada count as a threat?

Anyone that wants to kill Americans and conspires to do so is a threat. Can you honestly say you would NOT consider someone who hates you and wants to put a knife through your heart a threat??

23. If you shot someone in the face while drinking, how fast would the police show up to arrest you?

No idea, I don\’t make a habit of it. Presumably it would depend on when the police are actually called and the circumstances surrounding the shooting. But good attempt.

24. If Donald Rumsfeld had planned your daughter\’s wedding three years ago, would the guests still be there?

If they were he planned a hell of a wedding!! I\’m impressed. Truly I am.

25. Even if no laws are broken, do you think it\’s okay to reveal the name of a covert agent?

No, it\’s not okay to reveal the name of a COVERT agent. However, I might point out covert agents tend to stay covert. Working a desk job at CIA HQ isn\’t exactly covert.

26. During your lifetime, approximately how often have you changed your mind?

How many times a day do I change my mind is probably a better question.

27. Why shouldn\’t people dismiss you as a flip-flopper?

Because I don\’t change my mind about very big issues. I\’m not pro-abortion one minute, and anti-abortion the next. I\’m not pro-war one minute, and anti-war the next.

When I change my mind it\’s about what type of cheese do I want on my cheese burger, or if I should do laundry now or later. If I was pro-steak before I was pro-pork chops, who cares? Well….presumably the cow and the pig do.

28. Where do you think the Weapons of Mass Destruction might be?

My guess is Syria. Or buried in the desert somewhere. We know he had them because the UN saw proof of them, and the Kurds up north got to see them nice and close up.

29. Where do you think Osama bin Laden might be?

Curled up in a fetal position in a cave in Pakistan somewhere.

30. Is it fiscally responsible to cut taxes, increase spending and create a $9 trillion federal debt?

No it isn\’t and he\’s taken flak from his own side for this. However, in his defense, 9/11 happened after 2000, so that kinda changed things a bit.

31. Are you glad liberals passed such programs as Social Security, Medicare, the Civil Rights Act, women\’s suffrage, federal deposit insurance, unemployment compensation, rural electrification, child labor laws, minimum wages and the 40-hour work week?

Some of them I like, some of them I don\’t. Social Security, Medicare, minimum wage, etc I could probably do without. Civil Rights and suffrage and such I give a thumbs up to. I might point out that in many cases Republican were more responsible for these programs than liberals.

32. What are the Top Ten best things that conservatives have given to America?

Ending slavery was a bonus, as were the civil rights programs after the Civil War. Keeping the union together was a nice trick. Winning the Cold War was a plus. Generally keeping low taxes is nice. Presiding over the economy of the 80s was a plus. Panama Canal. Having the balls to fight the war on terror. Cleaning up after each time we let a Democrat be President.

33. If you were on life support, would you want a doctor you\’d never met making a diagnosis about you via remote television?

If he were qualified and he had the necessary information, and the technology was available for him to make an accurate diagnosis, sure.

34. Do you think man-made greenhouse gases have anything at all to do with depleting the ozone layer?

No….because they don\’t. That\’s CFCs you\’re thinking about. Which have been banned for awhile now. At least know what you\’re talking about.

35. If Donald Rumsfeld had planned your daughter\’s wedding three years ago, and guests were still there, how many factions would they now be split into?

Well, we\’d probably have a group that was passed out by now. Another group still enjoying drunken fun. Probably a group of wives pissed off that their husbands are drunk and attempting to hit on a potted plant. Then probably a group that has already gone home. Presumably there would be a group of taxi cabs circling like buzzards as well. And if it\’s gone on for 3 years, there had better be a group of liquor store employees that show up every so often with fresh booze. And then there are probably a group of guests signing their 8th mortgage in an attempt to fund all of this.

So yah, lots of factions involved.

36. How good is it that the terrorist Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi was killed?

Very good. Could one say otherwise?

37. Are you aware that in 2002 the Pentagon knew where al-Zarqawi was and presented three separate plans to kill him, but the Administration refused to act each time?

In 2002, what had Zarqawi done?? Not a hell of alot. You see Americans have this habit of trying to talk reason into someone first, so we don\’t have to kill them.

38. Is George W. Bush the kind of guy you\’d want to sit down and have a beer with?

Sure! Who wouldn\’t want to sit down with the leader of the free world??

39. When he started talking about being a Born Again Christian, would you want to stay or leave?

He really doesn\’t talk about that much so it probably wouldn\’t happen. But yeah, I\’d probably point out I\’m not really interested, and he would probably be polite enough to stop.

40. Is Ray Romano the kind of guy you\’d want to sit down and have a beer with?

Eh, I\’m not really big into his comedy, but yeah, I\’d sit down for a beer with him.

41. Would you want him to be President?

Well I have no idea where he stands on the issues, so I don\’t know. Is the defining characteristic of who should be President whether I would sit down and have a beer with them???

42. Does the Administration have an environmental policy that benefits the environment?

Well I don\’t see Bush out clubbing baby seals all that often, so sure.

43. Since George Bush campaigned for President strongly against nation building, in what ways are our actions in Iraq not nation building?

Well what we are doing in Iraq IS nation building but then again things changed a bit after 9/11 now didn\’t they?

44. What\’s the maximum amount of time you\’d want to spend alone with Dick Cheney?

A few hours, but that\’s no less than I\’d want to spend with any person I\’m not particularely familiar with.

45. After dismissing Saddam Hussein\’s old Iraqi army, was it a good idea to let them keep their rifles?

Considering the culture, I\’m not sure it was any worse than attempting to take their rifles.

46. Would a policy that allows torture be something that makes you proud as an American?

No. But I don\’t define sleep deprivation as torture. I called it college once.

47. Has the Mission been Accomplished?

Removing Saddam Hussein from power has been accomplished yes.

48. Do you feel comforted that Dick Cheney is a heartbeat away from being President?

Yes, I like the idea that there is a clear line of succession so that our government can always function. I don\’t see why having a plan of action in the case of an emergency should make me full uncomfortable.

49. If Donald Rumsfeld had planned your daughter\’s wedding, and guests started fighting and were killed, would you expect to be allowed to view the caskets when they were returned home?

Well that depends on if their next of kin invited me to their funeral or not. If not, then no. If so, well, then I guess if I attended the funeral, yes I would expect to see either a casket or an urn.

50. How glad do you think George Bush is that he\’s no longer active in the National Guard?

Since he\’s a little old for the National Guard, I expect that he\’s probably pretty happy with it. Wouldn\’t you be if you were his age?