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So…About These Prerequisites For The 72 Virgins…

April 15th, 2009 by Kevin

Between my sometimes bizarre behavior, my affiliation with shady characters like the MN Militia, and my affinity toward firearms, it was something people have long suspected.  Now it\’s official.  According to the criteria set forth by the incompetent omniscient Department of Homeland Security, I\’m officially a terrorist.

I got the certificate and everything!

\"\"
So, in light of this new title I have a few questions.  I mean I not Muslim, so I\’m wondering if those 72 virgins are simply a denominational promotion or if it\’s more global.  Limiting it would be kinda discriminatory I would have to think.

Assuming I still qualify for this promotion I\’m curious about the pre-requisites.  Is martyrdom a concrete requirement or is it more the thought that counts type of thing?

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Posted in General Commentary, MN Militia | 5 Comments »

5 Responses

  1. EckerNet.Com » Blog Archive » I Demand My 28th Amendment Right To An AA Gun! Says:
    April 15th, 2009 at 10:31 pm

    […] So…About These Prerequisites For The 72 Virgins… […]

  2. J. Ewing Says:
    April 16th, 2009 at 8:43 am

    Dear blessed terrorist.

    Please be patient with your martyrdom operation as, due to increased demand from our brothers of al Qaeda, we are temporarily out of stock on the virgins and have them on backorder. We recommend that you wait until you receive notice from us before proceeding to do or say anything that might offend The One and cause your premature requirement for virgins. We suggest you look for one good one, and see if that will sustain you until such time as we again have the required numbers in stock.

    Cordially,

  3. 50¢ Says:
    April 18th, 2009 at 1:27 am

    He’s a terrifying…terrorist

  4. Kevin Says:
    April 20th, 2009 at 8:03 am

    SILENCE! I kill you.

  5. Dan S. Says:
    April 22nd, 2009 at 8:50 pm

    The good news: Yes, you get the 72 virgins.

    The bad news: They’re all Janeane Garofalo.