EckerNet.Com

Ok, snoring…what the hell. Why do we do it and how did it happen to be. I mean seriously…what the hell. It\’s annoying if the person sleeping next to you is doing it while you are trying to get to sleep. On the other hand, it\’s funny as hell if it happens in places other than the bedroom. I mean really is there anything more funny that sitting there listening to a presentation or something and suddenly a loud snort of snoring breaks out. And invariably it always gets louder. Even better is when someone talks in their sleep. In a public place it\’s the ultimate entertainment. Although, in the bedroom it\’s just plain confusing as hell. I was actually woken up once to it and ended up having a 20 minutes perfectly rationale conversation with someone before I realized she was actually asleep. Of course, this presents the excellent opportunity of messing with their head…aaah, good times. And then there is sleep walking, never experienced it but just the thought of it freaks me out.

In any case, how did this all come to pass? You would think Darwin would be all over this. Which group of cavemen are going to get eaten by massive blood-thirsty Saber-Tooth first? The ones that snore in their sleep shattering the quiet of the night? Or the ones that silent and stealthfully snooze away the hours?? And what if a caveman talked in his sleep and let it slip that he\’s cheating on his cave-wife with the foxy chimp in the valley jungle. You think he\’s not going to get a Leg-Bone-Tool up the side of the head??

And even in semi-modern days, you think that posse of gunslingers is going to have problems finding the tepees of a bunch of snoring Indians?? The reverse is also true. I bet Custer was probably taking a nap that fateful day.

So obviously snoring, talking in your sleep and sleepwalking aren\’t exactly beneficial to people whose life goal is maintaining life. And I have yet to see an animal that snores. So why does it exist now? I\’m guessing the snoring issue wasn\’t passed while Darwin was in the can. I admit, I snore, but I don\’t remember being pulled aside and having it taught to me. So I\’ll toss out the learned habit thing right off the bat. To appease those of you that need to be told what to do, I\’ll even address the religion aspect. I\’m guessing god didn\’t \”create\” the human race and then decide they\’d be a whole lot better if he installed a fog horn in their throats just for sleeping purposes.

So how did snoring come to be? I really haven\’t a clue. I think I\’ll sleep on it….

*snore*

I…am an American. And Canada has always puzzled me.

Why are they there? Why do they still exist? Why are they still up there in that cold, frozen land calling themselves Canadians? After all these years, WHY have we not driven north and simply made them what they really are: Americans. Albeit, stupid ones, but Americans nonetheless.

Seriously. What is their purpose? They serve no express purpose that anyone can surmise. They aren\’t major players in world affairs. Their military consists of 2 biped planes, a life raft, and a Vespa motor scooter. I mean…if they were to suddenly be…*ahem*…\”consolidated\”…would anyone REALLY notice?

I know, I know. They have contributed in a FEW ways. Take WW2. Normandy. D-Day invasion. Canada was there, helping all the way. Hey, and don\’t think we Americans and Brits didn\’t appreciate those sandwiches! But…c\’mon guys, don\’t you think this whole Maple Leaf/Montreal Expos thing has just about gone far enough? I mean…no ones laughing anymore.

And don\’t think we\’ll just leave you guys that don\’t like the idea out in the cold. See, we\’ve handled this kind of thing before. We have this neat little concept called a \”reservation\”. I know it\’s not always perfect there, but…the natives around here sure seem to like it!

Just think about it. No more worrying that Ethiopia will fire up that one left-over plane from WW2 and come storming in to Newfoundland. No more feeling left out because no one really gives flying fuck about anything remotely related to the Maple Leafs or their \”stellar\” season. You guys can root for the Kings! Wouldn\’t that be great?!?!

Anyway, mull it over, talk amongst yourselves, decide. And when you\’re done, we\’ll do whatever the hell we want to anyway.