Kevin Ecker was born in Minnesota in 1979 to a pair of immortal aborigine pygmies…either that or a normal family, I can never remember which. At birth it was determined that Kevin was a special child, having the intelligence roughly equal to five Einsteins.
At the age of 2 he scored 39 out of 36 on the ACT test. Of course, not wanting to embarrass the rest of the populous, Kevin has pretended to be mostly average intelligence (it’s hard to hide all those smarts).
In an attempt to appear normal, Kevin joins the Italian Mafia despite not being Italian, and goes by the nickname "Ziggy". Soon, it became obvious that he wasn’t exactly going to impress other mobsters with a name like Kevin "Ziggy" Ecker.
After a life of crime failed to blossom, Kevin decided to become a famous inventor. After much research and brainstorming, Kevin hit on what he felt was a great idea. He decided to invent a device that would harness electricity to light a room. Kevin worked for many days and nights on this idea. Sadly, when the light bulb in his desk lamp burned out Kevin realized that such an invention already existed.
Kevin then decided that he wanted to find a job that would allow him to reach his dream, cross-breeding a race of rabid flying wombats. So he decided to enter the computer industry. How, this will allow how him to reach his goal has never been satisfactorily explained.
Drunkguy is..well, he's this drunk guy. It is unknown if Drunkguy is able ot sustain life without the constant presence of beer. Lab results have not been encouraging.
Drunkguy began life when, well without getting too explicit, two people who loved each other very much got drunk and did what came naturally. He spent nine months floating in Vodka, and was born, giving his mother the biggest hang-over of her life.
At EckerNet, Drunkguy plays the role of the drunk uncle, who occasionally shows up at inappropriate times to tell inappropriate stories using inappropriate language. Which is why I keep encouraging him to post more often
While not the most frequent poster, his contributions are appreciated because it means I get to slack off more without looking bad. So it works out well for everyone.
Jobo Hanna is our HR Director. None of us are really sure where he came from or why he's here. Frankly, he scares the living bejesus out of us. Hoewver, nobody has the guts to tell him to leave, and really we've had a steady decline in the number of rodents around the place…and somehow Mrs. Featherbees cat is missing. Strangely enough, he never seems to take a lunch break although appears remarkably well-fed.
In any case, we're not about to hold a minor thing such as demonic possession of a third-rate clown on heroin against him. As you can probably tell from his picture, Jobo has the attitude and the demeanor to make him the perfect people person. Although the fact that he made this claim just before pushing a fellow pedestrian into oncoming traffic doesn't do much for his credibility.
Jobos hobbies include maniacal laughter and scaring small children and most adults.
Beer has been an integral part of our staff from the beginning. In fact, I would have to say not a damn thing has happened here without his help. His expertise in remaining cold, bubbly and delicious has been invaluable to the entire staff.
Unfortunately, most of our staff spends their entire day consulting with Beer in their offices and not actually producing anything. However, they appear happy so who am I to complain?
I've tried discussing the matter with Beer and he always seems to have a good reason for it, but I'll be damned if I can remember it the next morning. Oh well, no harm done, and fun had by all.
Beer's hobbies include being consumed and causing hangovers.
Alf is the office intern. Originally, I had my doubts about hiring a furry little guy, not to mention him being an illegal alien and all. However, I have been pleasantly surprised by Alf. Surprised because he doesn't shed nearly as much as I had expected.
Alf has been a pleasure around the office and is currently training to be a columnist. I mean what else do you do with some fuzzy little guy? I already have all my positions for midgets filled, and I haven't created a position for furry people yet.
So basically Alf is one of our writers. What he writes nobody knows, cause he has a bad habit of immediatly eating his work. Oh well, nobody is perfect.