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Well the New Year is almost upon us. It\’s time to do that silly thing we always do about promising to be a better person and blah blah blah blah. Instead you get this….

I will stop and smell the roses, BEFORE setting them on fire (lesson learned from last year)

I will at least pretend to notice the posted speed limit

Learn to lick my elbow

Recycle my bad karma

Stay off the FBI\’s Most Wanted list

No Dying

Try at least one animal I haven\’t eaten yet

I will stop reliving the past, instead I\’ll worry about the future.

I will spend at most one hour a day on the internet

Redefine one hour to mean \”less than 24\”

Stop getting in arguments with inanimate objects

Find a cure for clowns

Create a fool-proof Zombie Survival Plan, beyond yelling \”GET SOME!\” and shooting everything in sight.

Increase my carbon footprint

Midgets

Stop making silly resolutions

Stop when it\’s hammertime

Mature past the age of 12

Actually that last one is probably gonna take all my time this year…