EckerNet.Com

Heh, I\’m back in my house.  My wood floors are up and running.  Got the house mostly put back together although still more work to do cleaning up from the dust that seems to have penetrated every little nook and crany.  Now I\’m trying to work off a backlog of websites that seems to have built up in my absence.  I have events every night this week.  And on top of that we have a big deadline at work this Friday.  In short you can expect this week to be spastic or sporadic.

On the plus side, I attended the Cirque Du Soleil performance tonite, it was magnificent…to put it mildly. Especially the three women whom if my understanding of anatomy is remotely accurate, apparently have no spine or rib cage or pelvis and possibly femurs with multiple fractures.  Almost as entertaining and awe-inspiring was the performance by the two guys on the what I have to assume was called the whirling circles of death.  Normally I\’d say you have to attend but tonite was the last show in the Twin Cities.  You\’ll have to catch it elsewhere.  It\’s worth every penny.

According to Democrats, you can\’t possibly be a legitimate voice against health care reform if you\’re dressed even remotely well.  So here\’s a guide on how to dress to be taken seriously.

Don\’t listen to your lying eyes!! The Stimulus is working declares the White House, despite all evidence to the contrary.

Now Pelosi is offended by Swastikas?? She didn\’t have a problem with them when her people were using them to compare Bush to Nazis.

The Messiah appears to have lost his flock.  More people now consider Obama to have a failed presidency than at this same time with Bush.  Of course it\’s still very early.  Bush had yet to lead us through 9/11 and the start of two wars.

Liberals planning on counter \”organized false grassroots efforts\” to defeat health care with \”organized false grassroots efforts\”.  Irony takes the rest of the day off.

Also I really urge you to take advantage of this from the White House

There is a lot of disinformation about health insurance reform out there, spanning from control of personal finances to end of life care. These rumors often travel just below the surface via chain emails or through casual conversation. Since we can\’t keep track of all of them here at the White House, we\’re asking for your help. If you get an email or see something on the web about health insurance reform that seems fishy, send it to flag@whitehouse.gov.

If EckerNet.Com isn\’t being reported on a daily basis I will consider myself a failure.

One can argue the details of any of the potential health care bills and one can claim misinformation all they want.  When it really comes down to it, the simple math just doesn\’t work out.

AARP holds a  meeting to explain why the are supporting the health plan.  When members don\’t agree the AARP walks out but the members stay and continue the meeting.

You\’ve probably heard about this \”Republican group\” outlining how to \”disrupt health care townhall meetings\” in a memo.  Well it\’s all bogus….totally bogus.  Actually the only person advocating disruption is Obama himself.  Besides we can never compete with liberals when it comes to being an unruly mob.

Yeah, I\’m confused how the White House and liberals think this inform on your fellow citizens is okay?  When Bush was even trying to listen in on the phone conversations of terrorists, liberals everywhere flipped their wig.    But if you have even a different opinion that Obama now it\’s okay to be informed on?

Remember those 47 million uninsured you keep hearing about?? Here\’s how they break down.

Remember that F-22 aircraft that Obama just killed? Yeah the one that employed a crap load of highly paid people?  Turns out it is a key part of winning a Taiwan vs China skirmish.  And the tides have turned, China would now win that battle.

10 Great Questions For Your Congressman

Here\’s what happens when the government is in charge and can\’t afford to pay for the health care you want….you\’re denied painkillers despite being in horrible pain.

In what should be a rather obvious rejection of liberal policies.  Left-leaning states economies are in shambles (i.e. California), while right-leaning state (i.e. Texas) are still doing fine.

Senator Dodd diagnosed with prostate cancer….considering his age and health, I\’m betting under ObamaCare he\’d be denied most of his treatment since his QALY rating is probably pretty low.

Five freedoms you\’d lose under ObamaCare

More people are carrying concealed firearms….and the country has NOT turned into the Wild West.  Huh…it\’s almost as if law-abiding citizens having guns isn\’t the problem.  But heh, you\’ll never hear the liars at Citizens For A Safer Minnesota admit that!

Proof that either the Japanese are totally insane or the recession has given Japan a miss.

This is just one example why \”no-knock\” raids by police are an incredibly stupid and dangerous idea.  Simply blasting down the door and identifying yourself as police is an awful idea when criminals can do the same thing, and they do.

Supposedly oil will run out in about 10 years….seems to me I\’ve heard this story a couple times in the past….about 10, 20, 30 and 40 years ago.

Great….Iraq now imposing China like restrictions on the Internet….

Interesting Pepto-Bismal ice cream…

India just started buying weapons from the United States instead of Russia….they used to be Russia\’s second biggest customer.

Remember when Obama wouldn\’t put his hand over his heart for the National Anthem and all that hub-bub?  Well turns out he has no problem doing it for the anthem of Ghana.

Lawyers Hail Obama\’s Disparagement of Most Other Professions

Yeah, this is amusing but not to be taken seriously…..did the Bible give us the name of the Anti-Christ?

Remember when Bush wouldn\’t disclose visitors to the White House and the liberals absolutely flipped?  Apparently they have no problem with Obama doing the same.

Remember when Bush kept inserting the US into troubles all over the world and the liberals absolutely flipped? Apparently they have no problem with Obama doing the same.

Awesome, Wells Fargo now suing itself…and we wonder why our financial institutions went belly up.

Ron Paul is a truther now?

To : All political figures, organizations, entities, think-tanks, whatever

From : Kevin Ecker, Email User

Subject : Appropriate email subject lines

Ok look, I understand the need to write jazzy subject lines that stand out and make people actually want to open up the emails you blast out to your distribution lists.  Believe me, I understand.  I have to do the same thing with some of the emails I send out for like organizations.

However, let\’s all come to agreement on a new rule for those subject lines.  From this point forward, you are no longer allowed to use the phrase \”Playing Doctor\” in the subject line.

Politicians, as an occupation, screw people over on a daily basis.  The only reason we keep our complaining to a minimum is that you at least attempt to be subtle about it.  I believe this email subject line violates that rule.  So let\’s not do that yeah?

Thanks.

It\’s that time again! Another email from the Messiah! Let’s read it together!

Kevin –

I see my criticism of you hasn\’t made our friendship less deep, as apparently we\’re still on a first name basis.

This is the moment our movement was built for.

We are the change we\’ve been waiting for!! Ooooh lofty phrases and soothingly read teleprompter speak is so motivating!!

For one month, the fight for health insurance reform leaves the backrooms of Washington, D.C., and returns to communities across America.

Didn\’t you promise that the days of backroom legislating was over?? Are you now conceding that it continues and only occasionally takes breaks??

Throughout August, members of Congress are back home, where the hands they shake and the voices they hear will not belong to lobbyists, but to people like you.

They\’ll hear our voices instead of lobbyists?? Well only if we\’re not dressed very nicely because according to Barbara Boxer, you\’re not a grassroots voice if you\’re well dressed. A standard that apparently includes jeans and a polo shirt. But you have to understand that her constiuents are heavily of the Code Pink crowd so her sense of fashion is probably a bit \”off\”.

But it\’s nice to hear they won\’t be listening to lobbyists any more. Although I\’m not sure how that works. After all your administration seems to have hired damn near every lobbyist in Washington. Surely you guys occasionally hold meetings yeah?

Home is where we\’re strongest. We didn\’t win last year\’s election together at a committee hearing in D.C. We won it on the doorsteps and the phone lines, at the softball games and the town meetings, and in every part of this great country where people gather to talk about what matters most.

Well as long as we\’re not talking about all your radical friends. Or your long time racist preacher. Or your vast ties to the corrupt Chicago political machine. Or your lack of experience at…well anything.

And if you\’re willing to step up once again, that\’s exactly where we\’re going to win this historic campaign for the guaranteed, affordable health insurance that every American deserves.

And by \”affordable\” you mean bankrupting the economy. And by \”every American\” you\’re including lots of illegal aliens. And by guaranteed you mean I\’ll take what you give me because I don\’t have a choice anymore. And I noticed you use the term \”health insurance\” rather than \”health care\”. Reason I point that out is \”auto insurance\” doesn\’t do me any good if I can\’t find an auto mechanic. And since your plan seems determined to destroy the health care industry that\’s an important detail.

But heh, at least we agree this is historic. You call it a historic campaign, I call it a historic clusterfuck. You say tomato, I say eggplant.

There are those who profit from the status quo, or see this debate as a political game, and they will stop at nothing to block reform.

I\’m not sure how my friends and neighbors are really profiting from the status quo?? Unless by profit you mean having health insurance choices and being able to pick the one that best fits their family? If that\’s the case, then yeah, we\’re definitely profiting and we\’d prefer it not end.

They are filling the airwaves and the internet with outrageous falsehoods to scare people into opposing change.

Yeah, I can see how free speech would scare you. But I\’m not sure how quoting you and/or the actual text from the legislation is spreading outrageous falsehoods?? Perhaps people have figured out that not all change is good. Because certainly the Hopenchange you delivered so far sucks buffalo chips.

And some people, not surprisingly, are getting pretty nervous.

Well you can\’t blame people for getting nervous. Here we\’ve had the best health care system on the planet, and you\’re out to destroy it.

So we\’ve got to get out there, fight lies with truth, and set the record straight.

Yeah, please tell me how we\’re lying by quoting parts of the legislation. Please set the record straight about how specifically quoting sections of this health care legislation lying.

That\’s why Organizing for America is putting together thousands of events this month where you can reach out to neighbors, show your support, and make certain your members of Congress know that you\’re counting on them to act.

Yeah, because closed scripted \”events\” are more democratic than open non-scripted townhalls.

But these canvasses, town halls, and gatherings only make a difference if you turn up to knock on doors, share your views, and show your support.

Because for some reason the majority of the population thinks their voice should be heard instead of Obama\’s.

So here\’s what I need from you:

Can you sign up to attend an event near you?

I\’m pretty sure they\’d try to arrest me for thought crimes. Besides, haven\’t you already asked people to start informing on each other to the government?

In politics, there\’s a rule that says when you ask people to get involved, always tell them it\’ll be easy. Well, let\’s be honest here: Passing comprehensive health insurance reform will not be easy.

So you finally figured out that just crying out \”Hope\” and \”Change\” doesn\’t actually get things done?? Congrats. Welcome to Earth, although we\’re full so if you could go back home it\’d be appreciated.

Every President since Harry Truman has talked about it, and the most powerful and experienced lobbyists in Washington stand in the way.

How are they in the way?? You hired all of them?? You telling me even your own staff doesn\’t like this health care plan?? Certainly Congress or your family won\’t be subjected to it so I guess they don\’t have to like it. It\’s only for the plebes.

But every day we don\’t act, Americans watch their premiums rise three times faster than wages, small businesses and families are pushed towards bankruptcy, and 14,000 people lose their coverage entirely.

Supporting evidence for ANY of that?? Although I bet one part is right. I bet 14,000 people are losing their coverage because they are losing their jobs in this wonderous economy you\’ve \”stimulated\”.

The cost of inaction is simply too much for the people of this nation to bear.

Yeah, but the cost of your preferred action is FAR too much for ANYTHING to bear. Need I remind you??

And that was BEFORE you came up with this $TRILLION clusterfuck of an idea.

So yes, fixing this crisis will not be easy. Our opponents will attack us every day for daring to try.

To be fair we\’re attacking you because you\’re wrong. But again, tomato vs eggplant.

It will require time, and hard work, and there will be days when we don\’t know if we have anything more to give. But there comes a moment when we all have to choose between doing what\’s easy, and doing what\’s right.

And you\’ve chosen to do neither???

This is one of those times. And moments like this are what this movement was built for. So, are you ready?

This is what the movement was built for? Ohhhhh, I thought it was built for hero worship. My bad.

Please RSVP for an event in your community to build support for health insurance reform:

http://my.barackobama.com/AugustAttend

Which one can I attend to destroy support??

Let\’s seize this moment and win this historic victory for our economy, our health and our families.

Hmmm, this is obviously a definition of victory with which I was previously unfamiliar with. Because otherwise I don\’t understand how bankrupting our economy, destroying my health care, and taking choices away from my family could be construed as \”victory\”. I\’m intriqued by this new language, please educate me in this double plus good speak.

Thank you,

President Barack Obama

No problem Oby

Vending machines are amazing and I\’m absolutely fascinated by the ones at my workplace. We recently replaced the vendor that runs our cafeteria and vending machines so consequently we also got new vending machines. The new ones are the variety that have the see-through glass front with the robot arm that grabs the drink from it\’s place and puts it in a tray that pops out for you to grab it. But that\’s not the fascinating part.

What\’s fascinating is that I can see the drinks, and people select which column the robot arm should take from. Why is that fascinating? Because I\’m a nerd and I like to find patterns in behavior. In this case, you have an row of drinks that are all the same, what column do people gravitate towards and why?

So I\’ve damn near staked out these vending machines to study them. I\’m 99% certain some secret key to understanding human behavior can be found in these vending machines, but the only thing I\’ve learned so far is that people that drink Diet Mountain Dew are fucking insane.

Why? Well let\’s look at my study.

The vending machine is pretty simply laid out. There are five \”levels\” and each level has eight \”columns\”. Each of those columns can hold about 10 drinks. Here\’s a simple legend in order to make later reference easier.

R1C1 R1C2 R1C3 R1C4 R1C5 R1C6 R1C7 R1C8

R2C1 R2C2 R2C3 R2C4 R2C5 R2C6 R2C7 R2C8

R3C1 R3C2 R3C3 R3C4 R3C5 R3C6 R3C7 R3C8

R4C1 R4C2 R4C3 R4C4 R4C5 R4C6 R4C7 R4C8

R5C1 R5C2 R5C3 R5C4 R5C5 R5C6 R5C7 R5C8

For instance R4C3, is in row 4 column 3.

What\’s in each of these?? Well…
Row 1 is entirely filled with Pepsi
Row 2 is entirely filled with Diet Pepsi
Row 3 columns 1 through 4 are Mountain Dew
Row 3 columns 5 through 8 are Diet Mountain Dew
Row 4 is filled with a variety of Gatorade but nobody buys the crap
Row 5 columns 1 through 4 are Coke
Row 5 columns 5 through 8 are Diet Coke

So when the vending machine is filled, it\’s easy to spot what people are buying and where they are buying it. I\’m not gonna analyze whether someone buys Coke or Pepsi, some people just like one or the other. What interests me is you want a Pepsi, fine, what column in row 1 are you buying from?

What I found is that people almost always choose the left most column of their choice. For example, Pepsi drinkers will choose R1C1, Mountain Dew drinkers choose R3C1 and Diet Coke drinkers will choose R5C5.

Okay interesting, I would have though the right column since it\’s the closest to the keypad and money slots and so forth. Plus we tend to favor the right side of everything. You drive on the right side of the road, you walk down the right side of the hallway, etc etc. But on the other hand, most languages read left to right so maybe that\’s the reason? Either way it\’s pretty damn consistent (except Diet Mt. Dew drinkers).

So what happens when the left column runs out?? They go to the next column on the left right?? Wrong. When the left column is empty or down to one or two left, people almost always go to the other side and choose from the rightmost column. For example Pepsi goes to R1C8, Mountain Dew to R3C4 and Diet Coke to R5C8.

Interesting, they don\’t stick with the preference for the left, but instead go to the right. I have to conclude that this is probably due to people preferring symmetry, which is a pretty well established behavioral trait. Although I should point out that again Diet Mt. Dew drinkers are the exception….more on why they are insane later.

Things tend to continue with this pattern. Once both the left and right most columns are gone, people switch to the second left most, and the the second right most columns working their way to the center. The center columns are always the last to disappear…again, except for Diet Mt. Dew drinkers.

So what about Diet Mt. Dew drinkers?? Well, they\’re fucked up is what they are and they frighten me. Remember Diet Mt. Dew is in Row 3 columns 5 through 8. Well Diet Mountain Dew drinkers start by taking from R3C6. When that runs low or is empty they mostly switch to R3C7 but R3C5 and R3C8 also get some business. Usually either column 5 or 8 is the last to have product, but it\’s not consistent.

That\’s just messed up. Everyone else follows a consistent pattern, whatever it\’s reasoning. Diet Mt. Dew drinkers break all the rules and don\’t follow any discernable pattern. Diet Mt. Dew drinkers are dangerous and should be approached only with extreme caution. If you have a Diet Mt. Dew drinker in your house, kick them out immediatly.

But there is still a lot of study to do but I\’m starting to feel like a bit of a stalker swinging by the vending machine every time I\’m away from my desk for something. So here\’s what I propose, as long as the government is planning on spending a trillion dollars for health care or cap™ or whatever, all I\’m asking is 50 million dollars or so (heh that\’s cheap by comparison!) to study this key to understanding human nature.

Here\’s what I propose, I want to rig the vending machine to Twitter so that it tweets every time someone buys a drink and indicates which row and column. That automates the observation of the machine and archives it. I also need to hire a ninja to be stationed at the vending machine, to tackle people after they buy and question them on why they chose the column they did. I also need to buy a bunch of additional vending machine. One for myself so I\’m not skewing the results. One with a non clear front so that seeing what\’s left doesn\’t influence the results.

Since I\’m sure the White House and Congress reads this blog on a daily basis, if you can get started and just send me a check, I\’d appreciate it.

[NOTE : It\'s been pointed out I\'ve been deficient in giving credit to my co-worker Joe Butler who has greatly assisted in this research.  In fact I\'ll even let him claim credit entirely.  Because since I work for a defense contractor, I\'m basically spending your tax dollars.  Therefore you can blame Joe for wasting your tax dollars.]