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I have a dog & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn\’t because I\’d ended up in the hospital last time, but that I\’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I\’d ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I\’d been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack as he staggered out the door laughing loudly.