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You Know You Were Waiting For It…

January 2nd, 2008 by Kevin

The always amusing Dave Barry publishes his obligatory \”2007 In Review\” type article, which as always does not disappoint. For example, he sums up September as

. . . Iranian President Mahmoud \’\’Scooter\’\’ Ahmadinejad, speaking at Columbia University, defends his denial of the Holocaust and claims there are no gays in Iran. He and his entourage then head to Greenwich Village to shop for chaps.

In Washington, Congress once again tackles Iraq as Gen. David Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan Crocker testify in Senate and House committee hearings totaling 16 hours, of which 11 hours are taken up by Joe Biden\’s welcoming remarks. Afterward, Democrats and Republicans agree that they have gained a better understanding of this extremely complex issue and will henceforth abandon crude partisanship and try to find common ground on the planet Floob, where this might actually happen. Here on Earth, both sides immediately resume declaring that the other side is scum.

President Bush nominates Michael B. Mukasey to be attorney general, despite published reports that his name can be rearranged to spell \’\’Lube Mama\’s Hickey\’\’ and \’\’Mace His Leaky Bum.\’\’ Senate leaders, in a rare display of bipartisanship, pledge to fund large unnecessary projects in both West Virginia and Alaska.

A talk by John Kerry at the University of Florida is interrupted by a struggle between police and a disruptive student, who shouts \’\’Don\’t tase me, bro!\’\’ at an officer, who then Tasers him, possibly because she is not, in fact, a \’\’bro.\’\’ The video of this incident — showing the student shouting \’\’Help!\’\’ and wrestling with police on the floor while Kerry\’s droning voice can be heard in the background saying \’\’it\’s a very important question\’\’ — becomes a huge YouTube hit. The consensus is that the student was obnoxious, although the ACLU objects to the Tasering, arguing that, quote, “you get better results with pepper spray.\’\’

In other political developments:

– Fred Thompson, ending months of speculation, formally declares that he has a hot wife.

– Hillary Clinton\’s campaign returns $850,000 in contributions raised by fugitive Chinese-American businessman Norman Hsu following published reports that the money had a high lead content.

– In Las Vegas, O.J. Simpson, an ordinary citizen minding his own business and exercising his basic constitutional right to retrieve sports memorabilia from somebody else\’s hotel room with the aid of armed thugs, somehow runs afoul of the law. He insists he is innocent, but winds up facing trial on robbery and kidnapping charges that could send him to jail for a life term, after which he will undoubtedly be signed by the Miami Dolphins.

I didn\’t realize how event filled 2007 was until reading his post. Very interesting.

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