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I\’ve heard alot of conservatives say they really have no preferred candidate for the GOP nomination. I think that says more about the field of candidates than it does about the decisiveness of the conservative in question. So I thought I\’d help simply the whole process, and help you decide which candidate you should probably cheer for.

If you think President Bush was the perfect president:
Your preferred candidate is Mike Huckabee

If you thought former President Clinton was a nice upstanding guy but just wanted him to be slightly more conservative:
Your preferred candidate is Rudy Giuliani

If you didn\’t understand the flip-flop criticism of John Kerry:
Your preferred candidate is Mitt Romney

If you wonder what our Reptilian Alien Overlords think:
Your preferred candidate is Ron Paul

If you think the sun rises and sets according to immigration policy:
Your preferred candidate is Tom Tancredo

If you\’re a conservative, but feel that Free Trade is a failed concept:
Your preferred candidate is Duncan Hunter

If you\’re a conservative, but you like being screwed more often than a hooker in Bangkok:
Your preferred candidate is John McCain

If you feel asleep during my post and/or haven\’t found your candidate yet:
Your preferred candidate is Fred Thompson

NOTE : If you still don\’t like your preferred candidate, you\’re normal. Talk to political activists until you find someone that will lecture you about the 80:20 rule long enough to lull you into a blissfully unconscious state. I recommend staying in that state. Beer helps.