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….if they didn’t already exist. And they would be even more amusing, if it weren’t for the fact that I sort of feel sorry for them. In much the same way I feel sorry for Lindsay Lohan not realizing she is insane. Or how I feel sorry for Michael Jackson not realizing he’s 99% plastic. Or how I feel sorry for John Edwards not realizing he’s a man.

Now we can all sit and snicker at the dorky kiddies on this political playground, but shouldn’t we eventually draw the line somewhere?? For example, what if the Ron Paulbots were planning on floating a Ron Paul blimp around the US for a month??

No seriously.

My only guess is they are trying to find their way to Imaginationland, which is probably the only place that Ron Paul’s candidacy has a chance. I mean if Popeye gets a seat on the Council of Nine, surely Ron Paul has a chance?

Hmmmm, I may have to reconsider McCain’s candidacy

[H/T The Corner]

You can’t claim that you gave sanctuary to illegals that weren’t criminals.

Illegals aliens ARE criminals.

That’s why they are ILLEGAL.

Get a frigging clue man, you’ve been nothing but a completely fuckup on this issue since you were mayor.

As we all know I am the definitive authority on….well, everything. With the first primary for the 2032 election scheduled to happen next week, it’s time to hammer down the 2008 candidates, before this whole thing gets silly. Now, because I have the attention span of a bran muffin*, I didn’t want to do a real analysis, so I thought I’d just give the pros and cons of all candidates….even the ones that are basically just running for a VP slot at this point.

So in absolutely no particular order other than I could think of something to say about them in that order

Tom Tancredo
Pro : Awesome answers to questions on how to deal with illegal immigration
Con : Gives the same answer when asked “What were the geo-political effects of Vatican II?”

Dennis Kucinich
Pro : Proves that even the ugliest man can get a hot wife
Con : May be ineligible as I’m pretty sure the constitution requires candidates to be human

Rudy Giuliani
Pro : The perfect conservative candidate…
Con : …except he’s not conservative

Hillary Clinton
Pro : Is probably not actually the spawn of Satan…
Con : …but her “laugh” can summon him

Fred Thompson
Pro : His wife is hot
Con : Having a hot wife at his side all the time has got to be distracting.

John McCain
Pro : Hasn’t pissed off the Republican base for at least 68 hours
Con : May or may not have been alive during the Battle of Gettysburg

Hillary Clinton
Pro : Appeals to a wide swath of the American public…
Con : …by simultaneously holding eight different viewpoints on a single issue.

Mitt Romney
Pro : He’s the only one of the leading GOP candidates to have had one wife
Con : He’s a Mormon, whom are looked down upon as polygamists.

Mike Huckabee
Pro : He’s basically George Bush Version 2.0
Con : He’s basically George Bush Version 2.0

Mike Gravel
Pro : In a criminal sense, not currently wanted by any state
Con : In a political sense, not current wanted by any state

Duncan Hunter
Pro : The most conservative candidate for the GOP nomination
Con : Currently polling just below Lee Marvin in national presidential polls

Christopher Dodd
Pro : To my knowledge, has never been part of a communist dishwashing organization
Con : To my knowledge, really hasn’t done anything noteworthy

Barack Obama
Pro : He is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy
Con : Politics is no place for a guy like that

Ron Paul
Pro : Is probably not actually clinically insane…
Con : …but he’s a carrier

Bill Richardson
Pro : Speaks Spanish which should wrap up the Illegal Alien vote
Con : Illegal Aliens can’t legally vote

Alan Keyes
Pro : Has already faced Barack Obama in an election
Con : He lost….horribly

John Edwards
Pro : Most presidential hair ever created by science
Con : To properly anchor that hair his brain was surgically removed

Joe Biden
Pro : Lots of experience in the Senate
Con : Has diarrhea of the mouth

So obviously you see this is about the most impressive set of candidates ever to run for national office. It’s truly a testiment to our great nation that we continue to turn out such impressive leaders. Never has it been truer that anyone can grow up to become President, it’s just one of the risks we take.

* See, that’s funny because a bran muffin has no attention span so that means…..oh nevermind.

Al Gore’s climate change website (climatecrisis.net) has hacked

Links on the blog portion of the climatecrisis.net site point to websites hawking online pharmaceuticals in an apparent bid by miscreants to promote their search engine rankings. The links, not apparent to a casual observer but clearly visible in the page source, promote drugs including Viagra and Xanax.

Well….when you’ve proven you don’t know dick.

Now I don’t condone or approve of hacking his site, but I can’t think of a more appropriate hacking attack.

Merely the title alone has got to be shocking for anyone that has read anything I have to say about Ron Paul. But to be completely honest, there is definitely an area where the Ron Paul and his robots supporters trump the Giuliani camp every time.

Why you should vote for him….

I have no problem with Rudy, except for the minor fact that he’s not a conservative and doesn’t represent conservative ideals. When I mention this to a Rudy supporter, the automatic response is “He’s our only chance to beat Hillary”.

Abortion? “He’s our only chance”
Gun-Control? “He’s our only chance”
Gay Marriage? “He’s our only chance”
Any social issue? “He’s our only chance”

“He’s our only chance”, repeat ad infinitum and you have the Rudy Presidential campaign.

On the other hand, while I consider Ron Paul a nutcase who would get us all killed if he was elected, he does it the right way. And while his supporters are generally very annoying, at least they have the right idea. They explain why you should vote FOR their candidate, not why you should vote AGAINST his opponent. He’s for this and he wants to do this and he believes in this and this is his view of the world.

That to me is one of the base problems with the conservative movement, and the Republican Party in particular. Nobody stands FOR anything anymore. It’s always, “at least I’m not the Democrat”. When I see that I don’t see my political savior, I see a man without a backbone afraid to stand for anything.

It’s especially disheartening when you see otherwise solid conservatives supporting Rudy with no further explanation than “she’s our only chance to beat Hillary, principles be damned”. So if Hillary isn’t the Democratic nomination, then what are you going to do?? Still abandon principles for victory?

What do you call a man that abandons his friends at the first sign of danger?

Now I know I’ve been rather tough on Senator Norm Coleman, but when he does something right I’m not above giving him praise, as much as it personally pains me to do so.* And recently he did do something right.

Roughly a week ago, Coleman introduced a “Sense of the Senate” type bill indicating their opposition to drivers licenses for illegals. I gave lukewarm praise for having the right idea, but doing it via a method that was essentially meaningless.

Well now he took the next step and introduced a bill effectively preventing states from issuing drivers licenses and state IDs to illegal aliens (S 2356). It’s a short bill, basically amending the REAL ID Act of 2005. Short bills are good, less room for loopholes.

Kudos to Coleman for finally taking a step in the right direction.

In the past Coleman has gone along with amnesty efforts, in the belief that a few amendments could make it better. While this belief is sorta amusing in it’s naivety, that’s hardly an admirable trait in a Senator. At no point in any of the amnesty efforts would any amount of lipstick made that pig any less a ham-sandwich-to-be. Some would rather bizarrely call it principled, I call it stupid.

However, it is my hope, and perhaps I’m being naive and stupid now, that once Coleman gets all his lipstick passed (or at least debated), he’ll come to his senses. It is to be hoped that if Coleman can see that his provisions, while admirable, are in the grand scheme, minor enough that they don’t change the overlying issue of amnesty and non-existant border enforcement one iota.

* No I’m not gonna elaborate.

[Crossposted at True North]