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NARN Tied To Eco-Terrorism

October 1st, 2007 by Kevin

Anyone familiar with the guys at the Northern Alliance Radio Network (NARN) should not be surprised that they have been linked to eco-terrorism.

Students at the Community Building Children\’s Center arrived at their downtown preschool Monday morning to discover that their pet rabbit Sugar Bunny had been kidnapped over the weekend. Teachers found anti-circus flyers in his hutch.

The half-dozen flyers left behind advertised protests against the Ringling Brothers Circus, which was in town Sept. 20-23. The flyers showed a picture of a forlorn-looking bear, trying to escape underneath the bars of its cage. Animal rights groups PETA and the Northwest Animal Rights Network (NARN) were listed along the bottom.

Sure the manipulative, devious, cold-hearted, sneaky bastards over at NARN will make tired old excuses about how it was a different NARN that did it. But seriously, how often are we going to fall for the \”It wasn\’t me, it was our evil twin that did it\” stories?? I for one am not going to stand up for this.

I tracked down the NARN guys to demand some answers….this is what I got…

Mitch Berg – \”Ladies and Gentleman, Twenty Years Ago Today I was doing some stuff…probably up in that frigid wasteland we call North Dakota, which really sucks Ladies and Gentleman. But then came along this rabbit, and let me tell you Ladies and Gentleman, he had it coming.\”

The Elder – \”Don\’t look at me….I was in China….or the Netherlands….or whatever country I was pretending to be in at the time so I could get out of having to actually do anything.\”

St. Paul – \”Heh, I\’m milking this I just got married thing for as long as I can, so I played no role.\”

Atomizer – \”Alcohol….mmmmmmmmm…..\”

King Banianianianian – \”Clearly you don\’t understand the economic impact this rabbit had. This rabbit represents a lagged variable for a pending population explosion, which would force the price of cedar chips to sky-rocket, which would in turn blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah\”

John Hinderocker – \”Did I mention we were the Time Blog of the Year?? I bet that rabbit can\’t claim that!!\”

Michael Brodkorb – \”Ummmm, did you read this GOP news release yet?? I\’m sure that will explain it.\”

So we are really no closer to an answer than we were before, but clearly NARN is at fault. And I believe we need to hold them accountable.

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Posted in MOB Business | 2 Comments »

2 Responses

  1. Dan S. Says:

    “Northwest Animal Wannabe” could not be reached for comment, either.

    Other than to say the rabbit was delicious.

  2. chad the elder Says:

    I confess. It was all King’s doing. He likes to call himself a vegetarian, but gets a powerful hankering for hasenpfeffer every once in a while.

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