Introducing The EckerNet \”Bridge Security and Child Welfare\” Fund
August 7th, 2007 by 
Kevin
In reading up on the latest news on the bridge collapse, I couldn\’t help but notice this little tidbit :
So far, investigators say they have ruled out nothing and will consider everything from the expansion and contraction of the bridge in the extreme weather conditions of Minneapolis to the possible corrosive role of bird droppings.
Bird droppings? Ok sounds silly. But since the politicos and the media have developed a theme of jumping to conclusions and making irrational decisions based upon sheer emotion rather than facts and physic, I figure why fight it. So using their line of logic, I think I can conclude that the mere possibility something led to the collapse, means it did lead to the collapse. And if is did lead to the collapse, clearly it needs to be stopped.
Therefore, I feel it is absolutely necessary to eradicate every bird in Minnesota. Clearly they all must die, or every bridge in the state will come tumbling down. Don\’t bother introducing science or reason into this, this is an emergency man!!! This is no time for facts!!!
And since the theme also seems to include finding some way to include your pet project to the irrationality. I hereby demand that the state allocate at least $100 million to the EckerNet \”Bridge Security and Child Welfare\” Fund. How will this public money be spent??? Well not that it\’s any business of the taxpayer, but I plan to use that money to buy up every firearm I could possibly want, and some I don\’t want. With them I plan to employ the rest of the MN Militia to eradicate all our feathered friends.
If you disagree with my plan, or think it\’s ridiculous, then clearly you have no heart and want innocent Minnesota children to die in another bridge collapse. Come on, it\’s for the children!!! Why do you hate children??
[This satire has been brought to you by the state of disgust.]
Related news : Captain Ed takes this idea that lack of money/taxes somehow caused this disaster, and beats it like a rented mule.
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Posted in I35W Bridge Collapse | 
1 Comment »
August 9th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
It sounds ridiculous, I know, but it’s a serious possibility. Bird droppings are very acidic and can strip paint, carry diseases, and weaken structures. I don’t think ruling it out would be of any help.
It isn’t too much to ask of a bridge maintenance crew to have some basic bird deterrents in place, like spikes. They cost next to nothing and eliminate the possibility of losing a bridge to something as stupid as bird droppings.