EckerNet.Com

Yeah, if that title doesn’t attract a bunch of sickos (like Michael Moore) looking for porn….anyway….

Right now I’m in the middle of a pretty large landscaping project. Well it might be better described as about six moderate landscaping projects all happening pretty much simultaneously. Naturally my neighbors are a bit curious what is going on, what with me constantly hauling trailers of dirt/rock/sand/etc every weekend. I’m not complaining really, after all it’s kinda nice that when you are about to pass out from the heat, your neighbors comment “Heh, that pile of dirt will look nice when you’re done!”

But the other night, one of my neighbors came by to see how it was going. Her backyard is pretty nicely laid out and I admit I’ve stolen a few ideas, so I was happy for her advice. I pointed out that I knew I was gonna have to plant something here and here and put something there and what did she think??

“Well, you know what you should do? You know that house down Whitney all the way right before it turns?? Yeah, the guy that lives there is a Master Gardner and he has alot of shade in his yard, kinda like yours. You should stop by and talk to him!”

Oh ok great…..what a second…

How exactly does one become a “Master Gardner? Yes I know there are classes you can take and all that, but really it seems rather silly. “Master Gardner”?? I mean come on.

I’m picturing the final test, where the apprentice must duel the mighty Oak to the death…or at least until winter. You get your choice of shears. I’m picturing some guy in pajamas defending a neighborhood from a pack of rabid flying tomatoes. I’m picturing a long-bearded old man in a robe, pointy hat, leather gloves telling tales of woe of “The Cucumber Crop of 1956″.

Tell you what, let’s just call him the guy with the really nice yard. Don’t make me channel the Spirit Of The Elm on your ass.