EckerNet.Com

UPDATE : True North is live! Stop by and check us out.

Tonite at midnight True North goes live, stop by to check it out. We’ve put alot of work into it and it should be pretty fun to see how it works out. I don’t think it’s so much of whether it’s going to be a success, but how much of a success. Especially when you consider the caliber of people we have on board.

They’ve been rather intelligent in their choice of people, with the exception of asking me to come on board and pen a few articles with my poison pen. Although, to their credit they’ve also asked me to help out behind the scenes on the technical side, which to their benefit has kept me too busy to write much of anything anywhere, here or there.

Tonite will be hectic as we cram in the final details to prepare for tomorrow’s launch, specially since by tonite I will be entrusted with the care of one half of the MN Militias canine division. Nevertheless this venture certainly seems like it’s going to be alot of fun and it’s exciting to think were we could take it.

Hilarious and accurate….and you’ll want to watch the volume if you’re at work…

[H/T Agitator]

The Rankings Are As Follows:

• Triple “I Whine Like A Child” A : 5
• Dan S : 3
• NightWriter : 3
• Mall Diva : 3
• Harvey : 2
• Bogus Doug : 2
• Aelfheld : 2
• Sola-Man : 2
• Bobby_B : 2
• Drunkguy : 2
• jroosh : 1
• kingdavid : 1
• Lloyd : 1
• tommy g : 1
• spurringirl : 1

For this contest you get to make up your own answers!! That’s right…just pretend you’re a real life journalist and just make shit up. Post answers in the comments. They will be judged on creativity, plausibility and humor.

Question : Tell me what this is. Dear God in Heaven, please tell me…

Previous contests

I’m sure most of you have already read about the Larry Craig scandal. For the few cavemen who haven’t I’ll give a brief summary. Basically US Senator Larry Craig got busted in a Minneapolis Airport bathroom for trying to elicit sex from an undercover police officer. His actions included reached with his foot and rubbing the ankle of the officer as well as reaching with his hand underneath the stall wall.

Ok, he pled guilty to a crime that includes behavior that is….well, to put it mildly, less than flattering. He should resign. He’s an embarassment to the Senate, which I might point out is pretty difficult to do. He’s an embarrassment to the party. In short, he’s a tool.

But that’s not why I bring it up. Personally the story was pretty open-and-shut for me, until I paid attention to his explanation of the events.

Craig also told the arresting officer that he reached down with his right hand to pick up a piece of paper that was on the floor.

“It should be noted that there was not a piece of paper on the bathroom floor, nor did Craig pick up a piece of paper,” the arresting officer said in the report.

Ok, we’ve all been in stalls like this before. I’m trying to picture the amazing agile contortions that would be necessary to touch someone’s ankle in the next stall while trying to pick up a paper. Amazing….if Cirque due Soelil ever needs a backup, I imagine Craig’s schedule will be clearing up soon.

Craig stated “that he has a wide stance when going to the bathroom and that his foot may have touched mine,” the report states.

Ok buddy, granted we’ve all been there when things were happening quite as gently as we’d like. But if you need to take that wide of a stance, you need to see a doctor. If you have to use so much leverage your feet are leaving the stall, trust me, this is not something you want to pass on your own.

And surely this man damn well knows that, so the fact that he wants us to believe it demonstrates the highest level of arrogance. Embarrassing and elitist, sounds like a winner. Idaho, you can do better. Put Mr. Potato Head up there, surely even he would be a better Senator.

I’ve been rather hard on Norm Coleman on the immigration front. His performance to date has been rather lackluster and he’s been less than dependable. And while he does opine to all that would listen his opposition to sanctuary cities, as demonstrated in a recent Human Events article, in essence this is really only a small part of the overall problem. Essentially it’s treating a symptom, rather than the disease.

If there were not large populations of illegal aliens within the country, sanctuary cities would cease to become a major issue, and in fact would largely be pointless even for amnesty supporters. Essentially sanctuary cities provide the cover of local law allowing the illegal alien to exploit much larger flaws in the system with impunity.

Just consider the number of flaws an illegal alien has to use in order to even factor in the use of a sanctuary city.

First they must cross the border. And thanks to the federal governments complete and utter failure on this issue it’s a pretty big flaw….in fact it’s 2000 miles wide on our southern border. And it’s a problem that’s not improving very quickly. They have dragged their feet on building a fence, although it’s hardly the fault of the Border Patrol. They just don’t have the man-power to do it, and have instead started asking for volunteers. Can you believe that? Our national security is at stake and the best we can do is ask for unpaid volunteers.

Once they get across the border, it’s no major feat to find employment. Rampant apathy and a virtual cottage industry of document forgeries make this a petty task at most. Despite the fact that the federal government is very aware of employers who have employees with mismatching social security numbers, they have done nothing to address the issue except send the written equivalent of a frown to the employer.

While Coleman is correct to be outraged by sanctuary cities, who feel it permissible to flaunt federal laws and declare their fiefdom sovereign sanctuary to lawbreakers, he misses the larger picture. Many of these sanctuary cities would either cease to exist, or else be severely minimized in their impact if he would more aggressively pursue the bigger picture. And it is this hesitancy to address the larger issues that causes many immigration activists to mistrust him.

Certainly his role of reluctant support of tough immigration reform is preferable to the actions of his Democratic colleague, Amy Klobuchar. While Coleman is at least willing to entertain the idea of immigration reforms, Klobuchar would prefer to just blindly cast votes for chain migration, amnesty, allowing illegal alien felons to stay in the US, and other such ridiculous notions.

However, if Coleman wishes to regain the trust of his base, and immigration activists in particular, he needs to do more than just talk tough on the minor immigration issues. He needs to demonstrate his complete support of the aggressive solutions to the larger problem. He needs to make it clear that not only can American cities not flaunt federal laws, but that the federal government itself cannot flaunt it’s own laws. After all, can you really blame city leaders for not taking federal immigration laws seriously, if even the feds don’t take them seriously?

Help the airlines…Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell — They don’t even serve food anymore, so what’s the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a “party atmosphere” going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn’t need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and “special services.”

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right — a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn’t Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,
Bill Clinton

[H/T CC]

[Tracy Eberly-Safe Disclaimer : I didn't write this, and I have no idea who did....more than likely it'll be attributed to Dennis Leary, George Carlin, Chris Rock, and/or Mencia in a matter of hours. I have no idea if they did, I don't care, it's just something got forwarded to me that I found funny. Therefore if you decide to link to it don't cry after the fact.]

Al Franken is always complaining that his views, statements, jokes, etc are being misinterpreted and twisted by evil Republicans for partisan reasons.  Well, Swiftee stopped by Franken’s booth at the State Fair to let him set the record clear on at least one issue.

Well, Franken failed miserably.  You’ll have to check out Swiftee’s transcript, with the money quotes coming from Mrs. Swiftee.  Suffice to say Franken all but admitted that he basically just signs whatever lawyers put in front of him.  Not exactly the qualities one looks for in a legislator.

As much as kids scare the bejesus out of me, I think I’m just as opposed to child abuse as the next person but seriously, you have got to be kidding me….

Now a father holding his childs hand should be considered a potential sign that he is a child molester?

Is there any other conclusion I’m supposed to draw from that billboard?

There is a definitely line between responsible awareness and just outright paranoia. And that line is somewhere behind that billboard.

[Virginia Department of Health] officials are trying a new tactic. The latest push, at least in Hampton Roads, is to educate adults on how to spot - and stop - sexual offenders.

The “Stop It Now ” campaign - just launched locally - will urge people to call a help line if they see an adult whom they suspect of having a sexual relationship with a child.

Billboards and posters show an adult hand holding a child’s hand, with the words: “It doesn’t feel right when I see them together.”

So presumably an (obviously male) adult holding a child’s hand is apparently a reason to suspect that that adult is having a sexual relationship with that child?? Potentially ruin some innocent parents life with false child abuse allegations just because they held their kids hand?

Come on VHS, you aren’t even trying are you? Surely you can come up with a better example of child abuse than a father helping his daughter safely cross the street??

Even worse is that if you go to the website listed on that billboard, one of the pictures scrolling on the top is a picture of a child embracing his mother, with the word “Stop It Now!” emblazoned across the top. So apparently even comforting a scared child is also child abuse?

So in Virginia, is any physical contact with a child appropriate anymore??

[H/T BNN]

September 1st, 2007 is almost here…

And yes, if you’ve noticed diminished posting that is due to my trying to help get this thing off the ground.

Well this Sunday was the second annual Blog Wars, destined to go down in history as Blog Wars II : Attack of the Cockleburr.  And I must say it was a great success.  Much fun was had, and we raised a very nice sum of money for Soldier’s Angels, alot more than last year!  In fact we raised more then was raised at the MilF golf tournament on Friday, and there were more people involved in that! It’s wonderful to see that fun can be had and we still accomplish something in the process.

On the paintball front it was rather interesting.  While it was held at the same place we played on different fields which were ALOT different than last year.  Much bigger, denser foliage.  Firefights tended to be isolated and short.  In many cases, players came across each other by accident, and to very mutual surprise.

Most had not played very much, for some it was their first time.  Yet others were veterans at this game, and I dare say the veterans got the worse end of the deal as largely they were some of the first ones out.  Some of that might be due to more aggressive play, but it’s also likely that those paintball rookies also learned very quickly.  Heck, even AAA forced me to surrender on one of the last games of the day, although I managed to paste him multiple times in previous games.

I was a little concerned how the Nightwriter would weather the day, being a temporal veteran but a paintball rookie. When he was hit literally 10 seconds into the first game I feared this might become a long day for him.  However, by the end of the day he was holding his own.  Even managed to almost singlehandly hold my left flank, while another rookie (Garrett) held the right flank.  This allowed me the freedom to advance and get ahold of the flag.  Then while Nightwriter, with help from others kept our opponents busy, Garret was able to escort me to the opponents base.  This turned out to be necessary as I needed him to keep another straggler busy while I sprinted for the opponents base for the big win.  By far, I had the easy job, that game the win was definitely delivered by what used to be rookies.

We did try to play the game of President again, and for the first time the President lived, and the terrorists were positively steamrolled.  In fact, that’s how AAA was able to force me to surrender.  Out of nowhere they appeared in front of a small bunker I was using.  And while looking around one side of the bunker I neglected to notice AAA sprinting up the other side.  Fortunately I turned just in time to see him about five feet away with his gun up.  Considering as a Secret Service agent he can’t die, it didn’t seem intelligent to try to shoot him.  More the pity really. Quite a crack team of Secret Service agents, although I did manage to “kill” a Secret Service agent in my brief firefight with them.  Without going into details, let me just say that in the future, nut-cups will be required equipment.

All in all, lots of fun, and we’ll definitely be returning for a third annual Blog Wars, tentatively titled Blog Wars III : Revenge Of The Balls.