Sleep: A completely inadequate substitute for caffeine.

« | Home | »

Hit And A Miss…

March 7th, 2007 by Kevin

Saw a commercial for some foreign piece of shit Volvo recently that had me blinking in wonderment. Basically it\’s bragging about two new features that Volvo has.

First, some \”blindspot indicator thingie\” (don\’t laugh, I think that\’s the technical term). Basically a little light flashes when it detects something in your vehicles blindspot. Okay, some people might need that…idiots for example.

Second, was…well I\’m not even sure what to call it. Basically somehow your car can sense a heartbeat insidethe vehicle, and if it detects one, it flashes a little light on your remote on your key-ring. The commercial demonstrates it by showing an attractive young woman walk 3 miles out to her car in an empty parking lot. She sees the light flashing and then runs for the hills. Of course, what they don\’t show is that it was really her husband in the car waiting to surprise her for their anniversary and that instead she ran away to a dark alley where some bum promptly mugged and killed her.

Perhaps I exaggerate.

But really, is worrying if someone is hiding in your car really that big of a concern?? Everyone that has been attacked and killed by someone hiding in their backseat, please leave a comment below and let me know. Otherwise I\’ll just have to assume it never happens.

Besides, I would guess that even the people that care about this feature will grow complacent after a month or so. After weeks of never seeing it blink they\’ll stop looking at it, and just get in the vehicle without knowing about the possible assailant waiting in the backseat. Then the next time their hsuband is waiting in their car to suprise them, they\’ll get in the vehicle unaware. Then when he springs up from the backseat because of this commercial they\’ll assume it\’s another Ted Bundy and turn around and taser the guy to death. Then while they are weeping over their spouses charred body, that vicious bum from the nearby alley will come by and beat her to death with her own cars remote.

It could happen….about as often as someone is waiting in your backseat to attack you.

Email This Post Email This Post | Print This Post Print This Post
Posted in General Commentary | 6 Comments »

6 Responses

  1. drunkguy Says:

    I suspect that the heart beat thing is for the completly stupid people that forget thier kids in thier cars on a hot summer day, only to return in the afternoon to a slow cooked kid… and still, you are right, who doesn’t turn thier car off, get out, put the keys in the purse or pocket and go on with life… you want a feature like that, put a big read flashing light on top of it with an alarm that sounds… that would be more effective…

  2. Kevin Says:

    Ahhh! I didn’t think of that! You’re right that could be another purpose.

    But like you point out, if you are so freaking clueless you’re leaving your kid in the car, are you going to be looking at the remote to remember if you did.

    I suppose, at least with this remote, when you remember several hours later that you left the kid in there, you don’t have to walk all the way out to the car to determine if the kid is still alive before you call 911.

    Yeah, and it definitely needs more “alert” for the alarm. I’m thinking a rotating disco ball on the top of the vehicles, dancing midget clowns, and an air raid siren.

  3. Drunkguy Says:

    Lesbian dancing midget clowns, only then will you have captured the true value of the alarm… though at that point i might need you to sit in the car, just so i can enjoy the show…

  4. Kevin Says:

    Who invited you??

  5. drunkguy Says:

    Ummm, i believe you did..i’m sure you will also be able to watch… well until you pass out from the heat, so at least you’ll go happy.. or amused, or something… and really i’d need to keep you alive, since once the heart beat goes, the alarm would turn off, and the lesbian dancing midgets would take thier disco ball and move on to the next car with a heartbeat…

  6. Harvey Says:

    “I suppose, at least with this remote, when you remember several hours later that you left the kid in there, you don’t have to walk all the way out to the car to determine if the kid is still alive before you call 911.”

    They can market it as a “pocket baby-sitter” 🙂