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Ok every other blog has it’s award, I need to come up with one. An award I can give to really sensational stories, or some of the complete dumbasses we hear about.

I thought about giving out the “Perfect Target” award, such as…

But my lawyers indicated that might be considered a threat. I thought about doing it anyway. But my legal fund is still depleted from the last incident, which according to the plea bargain I’m not allowed to discuss.

So instead, I’ve decided on the Red Forman Dumbass Award…

The Red Forman Dumbass Award is a prestigous brand new award that goes to….well, dumbasses.  Qualifications for the award are varied, but basically if you prove Darwan was tragically incorrect, you’re a contender.  And if I can see Red Forman call you a dumbass and threatening to kick your ass, well, you’re a top contender.  If I weep with the realization that you can vote, reproduce and drive, well then chances are you’ve won.

By winning this award, you obtain the right to be ruthlessly ridiculed by all that come across your name.  You are forever engrained in the memories of internet servers for years as a complete and utter waste of human life.  All that witness your deeds will shake their heads in sorrow, when the realize that if your parents had just dropped you a few more times, we might be spared your foolishness.

The award will be….uh, awarded in the near future. We’re tallying up the votes as we speak.

Well last week it became official that the Duncan Hunter campaign’s consulting firm had hired blogger John Hawkins to help increase Hunters web presence and online support. John is a good guy and will do well in that role. But today, he has an assistant, as that same consulting firm has picked up Michael “A.J. Sparxx” Illions from PoliPundit. Yet another good move which will serve the campaign well.

And it appears as if Duncan Hunter may be gaining a little ground, at least amongst online activists, of which many are also “real-world” activists. GOPUSA did a poll recently on who has the best chance to get the 2008 nomination. The results were a little surprising, and despite it not being a scientific poll, are very encouraging.

Newt Gingrich - 19%
Duncan Hunter 16%
Rudy Giuliani - 12%
Mitt Romney - 10%
Other - 10%
Tom Tancredo - 9%
Sam Brownback - 7%
John McCain - 6%
Condi Rice - 5%
Mike Huckabee - 1%
George Pataki - 0%
Bill Frist - 0%
Chuck Hagel - 0%

Now those results are interesting for a variety of reasons, most of which spell hope for the Duncan Hunter campaign. Now most obviously is that he scored above most other candidates, losing only to a candidate that even I would be tempted to vote for despite his personal baggage.

Also, if you go to the forums discussing the poll, you’ll find that many people who did not vote for him did so because even though they really like him, they are afraid of him not getting the name recognition in time and generally being shunned by the national party. What I can draw from that is that the support for Duncan Hunter is actually much stronger, but people are worried about name recognition and trying to be realistic. However, if they would stop worrying and just push for the guy they like, he might have that name recognition now.

And if one looks at how other candidates did, there is yet more good news. Despite the fact that I’m a fan of Tancredo, when you declare that you’re gonna bomb Mecca, you are not a viable Presidential option, for diplomatic reasons if nothing else. So you take Tancredos fans, who is likely to be their second choice??? Well if you are voting for Tancredo, you’re doing it because of the immigration issue. In that case, your second choice would be the only other candidate that is against amnesty for illegals, Duncan Hunter. If even half of Tancredos supporters voted for Hunter it would put him above even Newt Gingrich.

Overall, the poll says alot. First of all, none of the candidates scored over 20%. Secondly, Condi (who isn’t running) got 5%, Newt (who hasn’t announced) got 19% and Other got 10%, which is really surprising because I don’t see any candidate who isn’t already included. What this says to me is alot of people are keeping an open mind and haven’t definitely decided. So in other words, the nomination is not yet decided folks!!

From that, one could conclude that none of the front-runners are exactly getting people excited. I would venture to guess that if either Newt officially entered the race, or failing that, if Duncan Hunter got serious name recognition, we would see a new front-runner.

This poll also tells me that online activists are still sticking to their ideals, and not just rolling over for whatever candidate is ahead and therefore they “have” to vote for. That is a good thing and I hope it spreads. Since our next president will likely face a Democratic Congress, we can’t afford to vote in a squish.

Let’s hope we see more good news for the Duncan Hunter campaign as things continue.

The Holy Family announced today that they have decided to extend their 21st Century worldwide tour. They have decided to announce another stop in Crystal City, Texas.

“Well the people on the US-Mexico border have really had a tough eternity so far“, said lead singer God, “so we decided we’d give them something to look forward to and enjoy“.

Reports are the added appearance is in the form of a tree, just outside of San Antonio, TX. Crazed fans from the surrounding area have been flocking to the site to get tickets.

When asked to comment on the venue, lead guitarist Jesus Christ explained, “Well usually Mary is the one that sets it all up, but she’s appeared so many times lately, we figured we could give her a break, and I’d show up instead. I really haven’t dealt with wood much since those days with Pontius, so I figured what the heck!” Although, it should be noted that Jesus has actually appeared as a tree in Wisconsin in 2002.

Delighted at the new venue and choice of personnel, drummer Virgin Mary exclaimed, “Yeah, if I have to appear as another piece of food, I don’t know what I’ll do. It’s hard enough for a girl to watch her figure without being tempted“.

So if you’re interested in seeing the Holy Family in action, please visit Crystal City, TX. For reserve tickets, please call the Vatican, presumably their switch board is infalliable.

The showing is presumably going to be a long one, since the tree in question has been there for years before anyone noticed a thing.

Previous performances by the Holy Family :

• Highway underpass in Chicago
• A pretzel in Nebraska
• Toast in Florida
• A marble wall in Ghana
• A fence post in Australia
• A tree stump in Wisconsin
• An office window in Florida
• Wood paneling in San Diego
• A rock in Seabrook
• A frying pan in Texas
• A tree in Wisconsin
• A wall in Pittsburgh
• A cloud in Florida
• A brick in North Carolina
• Sheet metal in Conneticut
• A wall in Detroit
• A tailgate in Texas
• An apartment window in Texas
• A pie in Toledo
• A fishbone in Oklahoma
• A shrimp in California
• An X-Ray in Arizona
• Hot Chocolate in Wisconsin

[Closed Circuit to Satan : You can pick up my soul between the hours of 9 am and 6:30 pm, please call in advance. Or allow 1-70 years for delivery. ]

UPDATE :  Apparently Jesus really is an amateur at booking these appearances.  Because he just overbooked himself by appearing as an oyster in Charlotte.  Vid goodness included.

Whenever I hear someone talking up Giuliani, it always centers around the idea that he really cleaned up New York City. That is sorta what worries me, because Giuliani thinks the 2nd Amendment involves gun control…

Rudy Giuliani addressed a potentially troublesome issue with conservative voters, saying his policies as mayor to get handguns off the street helped reduce crime in New York.

“I used gun control as mayor,” he said at a news conference Saturday during a swing through California. But “I understand the Second Amendment. I understand the right to bear arms.”

You understand the Second Amendment and the right to bear arms, and apparently felt that allowed you to use gun control??

Let me break something to you there Rudy, the reduction of crime in NYC had nothing to do with gun control. There were alot of different factors involved, but one of them was most certainly not gun control. Pretty much everywhere gun control has been tried crime has actually gone up. Proof of this is well-known, but I’ll offer two of the best examples, Washington DC and London.

Some that this easily embraces the idea of gun control scares the hell outta me. If he were President, I would be surprised if we did NOT see another (and even worse) weapons ban. If you think I’m over reacting keep in mind that the above quote is from when he was trying to reassure conservatives. If that’s the best he can do, I’m not impressed.

Sorry Rudy, you’re gonna have stick with the “America’s Mayor” title.

UPDATE : Since I always seem to have to say this whenever I discuss Rudy in person, I should probably say it here.

I should note that I have great respect for Rudy and his performance in the days after 9/11 have earned my eternal gratitude.

On the other hand, there are alot of people that have my respect, admiration and/or gratitude but I certainly don’t think they’d make a good president. Rudy is one of those people. He has done good in the roles he has held, but President is not a role I think he would do well in. This gun control issue is only one of quite a few reasons why I think that.

Most of you have already heard about the shitstorm about Bank of America offering credit cards to illegal immigrants.  I haven’t written about it because…well, I’m trying to give my readers a break from immigration, and myself.  Plus everyone and their grandmother has already written about the issue ad infinitum.

However, HotAir has a clip of Dennis Miller’s appearance on the O’Reilly factor last night.   Ok I’ll be honest, I was never a huge fan of Millers, even before he become a born-again conservative.  So as a disclaimer, I’ll point out that I’ve never found his monologues funny…in fact they make my head hurt.

But he is viewed as a conservative spokesman now.  Him not being funny doesn’t bother me, after all, look what it’s done for Al Franken.  But him being a hypocrite does bother me.

He was apparently so worked up about this Bank of America business, that he went down and closed his Bank of America account and started a Wells Fargo one.  Ok normally I’d applaud….except for two huge problems.

First, Wells Fargo does the same damn thing!!

Secondly, not 30 seconds later he talks about how he endorses Rudy Giuliani for President.   Ok big talker, if immigration is such an issue for you that you’re willing to make financial decisions based upon it (and “feel like an American again”), it would probably disturb you to know that Giuliani isn’t exactly a heavyweight on immigration.  He was for the Senate amnesty plan and while mayor of New York prevented city employees from working with the INS.

So please Miller, if you’re gonna act like the high priestess of legality, don’t be a damn hypocrite about it.

I’ve made it no secret I’m a fan of Duncan Hunter for 2008. He’s the only real conservative in the race, and he’s solid on every issue that matters to conservatives. Awesome national security creds. He’s tough on immigration. He’s a supporter of the 2nd Amendement. He’s a social conservative. He’d appointed Scalia-like judges. Fiscal Conservative. No Baggage! What else could you possibly want??

Really the only real downside to him is that he’s currently in the House. It’s pretty tough to run for President from there. Plus he’s a relative no-name on the national scene.

I wish him the best though and if he builds up some name recognition and conservatives start giving him a look, I’m confident he’ll take off. He made a step towards that goal recently when his consulting firm signed on John Hawkins of Right Wing News to help him build a presence online.

Let’s hope it works. Best of luck to the Hawkins and the Duncan campaign.

Related Posts:

Interview with Duncan Hunter

The Conservative Case for Duncan Hunter

Only in America….

The National Football League refused to run a recruitment ad for the U.S. Border Patrol in last week’s Super Bowl program, saying it was “controversial” because it mentioned duties such as fighting terrorism and stopping drugs and illegal aliens at the border.

When did it become “controversial” in this country to enforce the law?? Did I miss some sensitivity training?? And it’s not like it’s a sensational ad, as is pointed out in the article, no other sports league has had a problem airing the ad.

The Border Patrol ad asks for “the right men and women to help protect America’s southwest borders.” It lists duties as preventing “the entry of terrorists and their weapons,” blocking “unlawful entry of undocumented aliens” and “stopping drug smuggling.”

The War on Terror is literally a fight for our lives. The War on Drugs is a war we are losing. And “a nation that cannot defend it’s borders is no nation at all”. How is it that the NFL can have a problem with promoting any one of these?

What is happening to our culture when we are willing to sell off our own country for $2 million, 30 seconds at a time? Because that is the only thing I can think of, the almighty dollar. The NFL was afraid of losing market share in Latin America. It’s a bad sign when the National Football League, won’t give it’s own nation the time of day…even if paid to.

…it’s good to see people who have a sense of humor about this special day.

If you don’t get the joke, it’s probably your bedtime.

TO : All Main Stream Media Outlets
FROM : Whoever decides what crap gets put on TV
RE : Sensational Topic For 2007

Ok everyone, it’s time to get on board with what our sensational overhyped topic of the year is gonna be.  Traditionally, sharks have always served well.  Last year we tried alligators in Florida but it didn’t work out too well.  Lately we’ve been pushing this global warming thing, but I think it’s starting to wear pretty thin.

This should be real easy for you, no reporting or thinking is required.  Just copy and paste the text from these previous topics:

• Shark Attacks
• Alligator attacks
• SARS
• West Nile
• Bird Flu
• Republicans Passing A Draft

These were all good topics, and despite no real danger to more than 0.00002% of the population it kept the entire country scared shitless for a year.  So it’s material you can just use again, just plug in reference to our new topic….

Ok enough suspense, our topic this year….

Snakes.

For those of you that are really talented is if you can’t work in a nice seque linking giant killer snakes with the current global warming thing.

Thanks to everyone for your help.

P.S. - Just because you are overhyping snakes doesn’t mean you can let off on the “Bush is Hitler” or “Republicans Are Evil” stories.  Granted it’s not an election year, but it’s good practice for when it is.

Huh….I might have to actually watch this show sometime…

[H/T : Point Five Blog]