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2007 Resolutions

January 2nd, 2007 by Kevin

Well it\’s an annual tradition to make new years resolutions. I did last year, and except for starting my own cult, making the FBIs most wanted list and breeding an army of rabid flying wombats, I think I can damn close to the rest of them.

  • No more drinking duck farts. They are bad news. For those of you that don\’t know what a duck fart is, it\’s an alcoholic beverage. It is roughly the equivalent of having your friend wrap a block of ice in velvet and and having him bash you over the head with it while quacking.
  • Discover the meaning of life….but write it down before I forget it this time
  • Drink less soda….it leaves less room for beer
  • Develop a filter for my mouth…this not having one is amusing most of the time, but the rest of the time I just get in trouble.
  • Punch the Verizon guy in the liver
  • Buy another weapon
  • Find out why that guy in Nigeria who I sent all that money to hasn\’t replied to my emails.
  • Get the gangrene in my arm looked at.
  • Resolve my lawsuit with PETA
  • Eat more paint
  • Put away my Michael Moore Voodoo doll. I don\’t think he\’s human, and I can\’t find pins long enough to penetrate to something vital anyway
  • Increase my carbon \”footprint\” to Al Gore level

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