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Terms Of Service

December 17th, 2006 by Kevin

By viewing this website you have agreed to the following:

  1. You have entered into an agreement between you (herein referred to as \”You\”) and this website (herein referred to as \”This Website\”), and that agreement (herein referred to as \”That Agreement\”) requires you to allow the owner of the site to possess your soul until such time as it passes it\’s expiration date.
  2. You view this website at your own risk and at the risk of Ryan Thompson of 1523 West Chester Lane, Canton, Ohio, 44720. The reasons are rather complex and involved a certain rare breed of South American gerbils, so don\’t ask.
  3. EckerNet.Com is not responsible for acts of god, except for you atheists. However, since atheists don\’t believe in a god no acts of god exist. In the end it really works out swell.
  4. New cookware will be provided to some users of this website, which is paid for by other users of this website. Which really in the end works out pretty well.
  5. You understand that no animals, smurfs, midgets or other oddities were harmed in the production of this website. Except for one homeless wombat, which was an accident and he\’s currently being very well cared for by a little lady down the street. So really no harm done.
  6. When using our chat area, you will refrain from using profane or offensive language, particularly since we have no chat area, so chances are, you\’re just sitting at your desk, mumbling swear words.
  7. Should blindness, carpal tunnel syndrome, hairy palms or dehydration result, you will either stop viewing this website or stop masturbating. And really if you are doing both, you frighten me and please don\’t ever come back!
  8. You agree to indemnify, defend, and hold harmless eckernet.com from any and all liability, penalties, losses, damages, costs, expenses, attorneys\’ fees, causes of action or claims caused by or resulting from the fact that you will probably waste countless time here at this website. This includes the fact that as you become an Internet-Drone you will neglect your family, become overweight and loose touch with reality….um, you haven\’t checked your email for about 2 minutes now.
  9. Any winning lottery tickets you come to possess hereby become the sole property of EckerNet.Com.
  10. No intellectual property found on this site may be copied, reproduced, or republished. In fact, no intellectual property may be found on this site, period.

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