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2006 : The Year In Review

December 30th, 2006 by Kevin

At the beginning of this year I made some predictions for the year 2006, now that the year is out, let\’s see how I did.

Judge Alito will be confirmed after claims that the sky is falling by Democrats everywhere. The sky will not fall.

Damn I\’m good.

Renewed claims of the sky is falling will be taken up again the next time Bush promotes absolutely anything. Once again, the sky will not fall. This trend will not end.

Unfortunately that trend lasted ALL FUCKING YEAR…thank goodness it\’s a new year…will the trend end?? You\’ll have to wait for my 2007 predictions.

Saddam Hussein will be convicted of the terribly obvious and be put to death. Liberals everywhere will mourn at the loss of their favorite victim of the Bush administration.

Yeah, he\’s dead. Finally. As I write this we\’re still waiting on video and still photos but word is that he\’s already room temp.

Iran will announce their first nuclear test about 20 minutes before Israel conducts a public demonstration of their state-of-the-art air force.

Well since Israel hasn\’t conducted a public demonstration of their state-of-the-art air force, I\’m technically right yeah?? LOL, ok I\’ll take half credit then.

After the 2006 elections, the Democratic Party will release a statement claiming that every race in which a Democrat lost was plagued with massive voting fraud. And in cases where there is actual evidence of voter fraud, yet the Democrat won, they’ll claim it’s just partisan ranting.

Well you\’ll notice that in the early hours of the 2006 elections there was alot of complaining about \”voting irregularities\” and hacked voting machines and such. As soon as it became apparent that things were falling towards the Democrats, it stopped. I think that\’s a pretty solid gold star for me.

After virtually every instance of especially bad weather, liberal moonbat pundits will assume an \”I told you so\” aura as they decry \”scientifically proven\” global warming and how it’s all Bush’s fault.

Well before the hurricane season started we started getting this so I\’d like to take credit. However, I got something even better than being right. Not a single hurricane hit us this year, proving that Al Gore and his cronies are full of shit. Heh, my \”proof\” is just as scientifically valid as any crap they try to pull out their ass.

Microsoft products will continue to suck.

Oh god yes….

Nick Coleman of the Red Star will write at least one coherent column that represents intelligence and a firm grip on reality….maybe.

Wow, I wasn\’t expecting this one to actually come true….but well, it did

The French riots, having been reduced to \”normal\” levels of rioting, will once again intensify as French citizens collectively realize that they are….well, French.

LOL, sadely enough, this one kinda came true. Rioting is back to a \”normal\” level. And tensions are increasing amongst disillusioned Muslims that haven\’t integrated into French society, but can you really blame them??? Would you?

Bin Laden will still not be found and will slip further into irrelevance. Democrats will skillfully declare it as a failure of the Bush administration will simultaneously doing everything the can to hinder the War on Terror.

Bingo. We\’re continuously told how Iraq isn\’t about Bin Laden and blah blah blah blah blah. In reality I stopped listening to their BS.

Air America will continue it’s dismal ratings even without stealing money from poor children. Their hosts will continue to declare they have better ratings than all the major networks combined.

LOL, even better, Air America has such dismal ratings they are going out of business.

Google will finally make something causing people everywhere not to say \”Oh my God, that’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen!!!\”. At the moment the score is about Infinity-1 to 0. Seriously…they’re about due for a flop.

I think google.ca (Chinese government run censorship of the internet) counts as a flop.

The Loch Ness Monster, Big Foot and Scuttlebutt will all make their presence known, and at a joint press conference will plead, \”Seriously, stop the non-stop coverage of Britney Spears. She’s not worth it.\”

I wish they had….I really wish they had.

Sisyphus will increase his Halliburton stock portfolio proving he’s just a Karl Rove lackey.

Actually I was wrong here, Sisyphus instead used a portion of his vast blood-for-money fortune in a unsuccessful attempt to rig the 2006 elections by preventing every minority in the country from voting.

Spending will continue to increase as Republicans thumb their nose at conservatives. A failed token effort will be made right before the 2006 elections.

Bingo. Which is a huge reason for the outcome of the 2006 elections.

My parents will finally get broadband internet, which will remove the culture shock I experience when visiting.

Well they didn\’t, but they are talking about it and asking my advice on how to hook it up. So I would say I might have just been a few months premature on this one.

Katie Holmes will give birth to what for the last time can be referred to as a \”normal\” baby. It begins it’s doomed existance.

Yep, that about sums it up.

The big hole at Ground Zero will continue to be a big hole as beaucracy trumps productivity.

Well technically they\’ve just recently broken ground on building the tower on that site, but yeah, basically it\’s still just a big hole in the ground. The fact that the Pentagon was rebuilt by 1 am on September 12th, 2001, is just further evidence that the only part of the government that functions is the Defense Department.

The New York Times will again endanger national security by releasing sensitive information regarding the War on Terror. They will again get away with it.

On a monthly basis pretty much. I\’ve lost count at this point. Hell I can\’t even remember what the last leak was, as it\’s just melded together in one vast big noise. How conspiracy theorists get off thinking the government can keep ANYTHING a secret is beyond me.

Howard Dean gets on another frenzied spittle inducing rant proclaiming the absolutely absurd, and completely offensive to reality based people. Democrats everywhere will refuse to condemn his statement as they laugh in a \”That’s Our Dean\” kind of way.

Well, I\’m sure Dean probably did, but he\’s been overshadowed by Kerry on that count.

The real estate \”bubble\” continues not to burst….again.


Cindy Sheehan attempts to make a comeback. Relevance glances at her, shrugs and wonders off in search of something important.

I think it\’s official, her 15 minutes are finally over.

Bush will continue not to take illegal immigration seriously. It will become a major campaign issue in southern border states.

I\’m a bit biased on this but yeah. Bush continues to lay a complete clusterfuck every time he attempts to pretend to care about this issue.

While pheasant hunting, my dog will prove she’s not a lesbian and flush her first rooster.

I\’m proud to say yes. Even better I got to watch it all happen.

The United Nations continues to do nothing but serve as a soapbox for tyrants to criticize the United States.

Did it ever really serve any other purpose?

Troop levels in Iraq are dramatically scaled down. Democrats will proclaim victory….and credit. Soldiers will look on in stunned silence.

Well…they are down. I don\’t think it qualifies as dramatically, but it\’s down. And the Democrats just want to pull out entirely.

The Fraters will win another trivia contest at Keegans.

Well the Fraters haven\’t been there in 2006 so I guess I\’ll have to count this one as wrong. Actually I don\’t think a single member of the Northern Alliance has been at Keegans this year.

There will be another Supreme Court vacancy. Democrats will proclaim Bush as a \”divider\” if he nominates a replacement to the right of Jimmy Carter.

Not yet, but we\’ve been assured it\’s coming in the next year. I think this is probably a solid prediction for next year.

The MAWB Squad will try to bring me back under control. Learned Foot will defeat their attempts.

I did receive a bribe from Cathy but I was not brought under control. I think Learned Foot\’s constant discussion of boobies has discouraged any further attempts.

Zarqawi will be captured or killed. Democrats will decry the \”aggressive tactics\” of the US military.

Zarqawi obtained room temperature status in the summer of \’06. And yeah, we were lectured about how we should have captured him and how we shouldn\’t have killed him in such a violent manner. F that!

The anniversary of \”Tookie’s\” execution will pass without notice.

Tookie who??

So….basically what this all comes down to is I\’m pretty impressive at making predictions. I will hereby accept all manner of compliments, adoration, proposals and general ego-stroking.

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