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Airlines have been lobbying for the position for months now. But it’s finally timed to announce the coveted title of “Official Airline of EckerNet.Com”

Congrats to the winner, and better luck next time to the losers.

Thanks to the wonderful job George Bush has done on illegal immigration, this is the type of stuff we have to deal with…

This South Florida community some 90 miles north of Miami is outraged after a suspected illegal alien allegedly raped a puppy.

The man, who initially told police his name was Junio Trenta but is believed to be Enrique Garcia, was taken into custody after Martin County Sheriff’s deputies were dispatched to a possible animal in distress.

When they arrived, officers “saw Garcia sexually assaulting a 28-pound, 14- to 16-week-old dog of mixed breed,” according to the sheriffs office.

Upon being seen, the Mexican transient said, “It’s my dog,” and, “What’s the problem?”

Heh, he’s just “doing jobs Americans won’t do…”

I bet Bush regrets the day he uttered that statement.

[Via RTG]

Dear Shithead Mahmoud Ahmadinejad,

Thank you for your letter to the American people. We appreciate your feedback, especially since a brutal tyrant like you is obviously the best source on how to run a democracy. The millions of people you have suppressed is a just a glimpse of your leadership abilities. The thousands that have died due to your funding of terrorist activities is a wondeful symbol of your kind benevolence.

I do hope thought that you will help me clear up some confusion. Undoubtably, your letter is intended to turn the public opinion of the United States against the policies of our government. However, I must profess that I wasn’t aware that you cared about public opinion. Certainly, your policies of cutting of your people from the outside world and only allowing state-run newspapers, contradict this. I mean how informed can your people’s opinion be if you isolate them and only allow them to hear your word.

Now I do appreciate that you claim to want peace with the American people and to work with us for a better world. I can only take this to mean that when you called us “the Great Satan” and called for the annihilation of the United States and the death of all infidels, you weren’t actually talking about us then. That’s quite a relief as one of our great American values is not dying.

Speaking of American values, I do want to point out one area on which you seem spectacularely ill-informed about America when you claim that in America “Private phones are tapped, suspects are arbitrarily arrested, sometimes beaten in the streets, or even shoot to death.“. Believe me, I understand your confusion, even our own Democrats are confused on this issue. You see we only tap the phones of people who want to kill us. If they do plan to kill us, we arrest them, which can hardly be considered arbitrary. And we never beat our suspects in the street. We put them in prison, where other inmates take care of this distasteful task. And we don’t shot people to death, we are an enlightened society….we use either lethal injection, the electric chair or the gas chamber.

While I do share your concern with the Palestinian people, I would share it even more if they would stop strapping bombs to themselves and blowing up other people. And I might put out that if you were truly concerned with their plight you would have offered them a home within your own country. Our own President Clinton offered them their own country, exactly what they claim to want, and they turned it down and started blowing up more innocent people. Perhaps you might help them decide what it is they actually want in a peaceful manner, instead of fostering hate by funding terrorism in their land.

I am also glad that the situation in Iraq concerns you. It also concerns us greatly, especially your funding of terrorism within that country, such as the Al-Sadr Militia. But it is nice to see that we have each played to our strengths in Iraq. You have fostered hate, death and destruction. Meanwhile, we have focused on rebuilding the country and building a functioning democratic government that will bring Iraqis freedom and prosperity in the future. One might point out that our two approaches are counter-productive, and they would be right. But we’re used to doing things the hard way. That is why when insurgents occupy a town, instead of leveling the whole town with napalm and nuclear weapons, we risk our own lives by selectively taking out only the terrorists.

I do have to profess confusion at your statements “We all condemn terrorism, because its victims are the innocent.
But, can terrorism be contained and eradicated through war, destruction and the killing of hundreds of thousands of innocents?“. First of all the answer to your question is no. But it can be contained and eradicated through war, destruction and the killing of hundreds of thousands of terrorists. And I have to wonder, if you really condemn terrorism, why you keep funding it??

I’m sorry President Ahmadinejad, but it has become apparent over the course of this letter that we just don’t see eye-to-eye. In fact, I don’t think I’ve been able to give your letter the response it so richly deserves. You see in order for me to be able to send a proper response, I need to find out where I misplaced our nuclear launch codes. Tell you what, do what you were doing, I’ll let you know when I find them.

With Love,

Kevin Ecker
http://www.eckernet.com

P.S. I think something crawled into your beard and died.

When a press release makes you giggle, it means you either need more sleep or else….well I forget, but somehow it works out into a reason for me to share it with you. Today’s is from the National Center for Public Policy Research. Now part of the press release is in scienceese, techno-mumbo-jumbo and jibberish, and since I’m fluent in all three, I’ll translate each paragraph.

Inaccurate 2006 Hurricane Forecast Should Remind Americans that Climatology is an Uncertain Science - And Political Science, Even More So

Ok that’s not actually a paragraph, that’s the title of the press release. Translation : Basically it means, learn to think for yourselves.

Washington, D.C. - As the 2006 hurricane season comes to a close, the failure of forecasters to accurately predict the frequency and intensity of this year’s hurricanes should remind Americans that climatology is an uncertain science. It should also cause Americans to question the reliability of definitive claims made by prominent environmental activists that global warming is increasing the intensity of hurricanes.

Translation : Al Gore is a complete dumbass

Today marks the official end of the 2006 hurricane season. The number of hurricanes was 38 percent below the number originally forecast by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. The number of hurricanes that qualified as “major” - category 3 or above - fell 50 percent below NOAA forecasts. Not a single hurricane made landfall.

Translation : It can be mathematically shown (to the 14th decimal place) that Al Gore is a complete dumbass

“If we can’t depend on hurricane forecasts made one to six months ahead of time, how can we expect to depend on predictions about the behavior of hurricanes decades from now,” asked David Ridenour, vice president of The National Center for Public Policy Research. “Those who claim that rising global temperatures would definitely lead to more intense hurricanes appear to be relying upon political science, not climate science.”

Translation : If you haven’t figured it out yet, you can’t even trust the weatherman to tell you if you should bring an umbrella to work tomorrow so why are you listening to a dumbass like Al Gore??

Forecasters say their projections this year were off the mark, in part due to a late-developing El Nino, which produced wind sheers that destabilized developing hurricanes.

Translation : Ok that either meant that Mexicans are hunting hurricanes to extinction or Rosie O’Donnell ate them all. Probably both.

El Ninos are a phenomena that some climate scientists believe would increase in frequency if average global temperatures rise.

Translation : Mr. Nino is coming around alot more, and he may try to sneak across the border and become an Elleagal Nino

“If increasing global temperatures increases the frequency and duration of El Ninos as these scientists suggest, global warming could result in less intense hurricanes,” said Ridenour. “That is exactly the opposite of what Albert Gore and other often-quoted advocates of immediate action on climate change have been saying.”

Translation : Al Gore is a complete and utter waste of human life. And he’s a dumbass. And he’s apparently substituted brocolli for his brainstem.

With uncertainty surrounding the actual effects of planetary warming, The National Center contends that catastrophic scenarios are frequently raised to make the case for action more compelling.

Translation : The sky is not actually falling

“When it comes to hurricanes and global warming, the rhetoric was only thing that grew in intensity in 2006. It is now at such a fevered pitch that even those who believe action on climate change is needed are growing uncomfortable with the shrill nature of the discourse on climate change,” said Ridenour. “Mike Hulme, one of Britain’s top climate scientists, and a man who believes climate change is underway, probably put it best: ‘The language of catastrophe is not the language of science.’”

Translation : Al Gore is a realy whiny dumbass.

Hope that helps.

[This translation service has been provided by Kevin Ecker of EckerNet.Com. Kevin is an internatinally syndicated smartass whose filth can be read anywhere on the planet. You can also read his books "301 Fun Things To Do With A Chainsaw" and "The Definitive Guide To Midwest Emergency Rooms".]

That’s a cry you know you are going to hear on capital hill now that we’ve learned the state officially overtaxed us (more the usual) to a tune of $2.17 billion. I’m just waiting for Democrats and special interests (read : Teacher’s Union) to claim we need to spend all that on more stuff (read : redistribution of wealth (read : communism)). Because we all know that when you get a temporary surplus of cash, nothing makes more sense than to create more permanant expenditures to use up that cash.

So just remember this next tax season when you’re cutting them yet another check. Even if they don’t need the money they’ll find a way to waste……er, I mean spend it.

Ok I was purposely ignoring this topic because it’s fucking stupid that it’s even a topic. But dammit people….

*breath*

*breath

Ah fuck breathing…ok check this, if while at the airport I see someone purposefully doing everything to provoke a security response, dammit if someone else doesn’t say something I damn sure am gonna.

I mean you have a bunch of imams loudly praying, should Allah just outside the gate. Then instead of sitting in their assigned seats they sit in a manner that controls every exit/entry point of the aircraft plus is synonomous with the 9/11 attacks and every security probe since. Plus they are bitching about our President and discussing Al Qaeda and Saddam, etc. Then they obstruct the boarding process be moving back and forth chatting with each other. Then despite not being any more overweight than the average American they ask for seatbelt extenders (a potential weapon) and when given them instead of actually using them as….well, a seatbelt, place them on the floor under their seat.

Hell, I question the fact that it took that much to provoke a response, rather than the response itself. Yet, all I hear is people claiming that we need to be tolerate and not disciminate against Muslims. Fuck that. You wanna claim victim status??? Fine, I see your victim and raise you 3000 victims. Why don’t you tell them how freaking hard your life is. Oh wait…you can’t, they’re DEAD.

You wanna preach tolerance? Fine how about a little reciprocity on your part. How about you be tolerant of our desire not to die? You were humiliated by your treatment?? How about your fellow passengers who were scared out of their freaking gonads. How about the pilot and crew who were so scared of you that they were willing to risk their jobs and a lawsuit to get your stupid ass off that plane?? I’ll bet you the cost of your plane ticket they would have been willing to switch places with you so they could only have to suffer humiliation.

Until Muslims actually speak up and against terrorism and violence committed in the name of Islam, this WILL continue. When every time the American public sees a Muslim speak it’s to call for the death of infidels, or sawing off heads, or blowing up civilians, or oppressing women, or calling for the destruction of the US and Israel, or burn down a McDonalds for some perceived insult, well….you can hardly expect a different impression can you?

This “discrimination” you speak of is entirely created by Muslims themselves. Yes, stereotypes can be wrong, but many also have an origin in truth at least at some level. Right now the only public face Islam puts forward is a negative one. Until they change that, I’m afraid I have to say “Physician, heal thyself”.

Now I honestly have no doubt that these “flying imams” did not actually intend to conduct a terrorist attack. However, I have no doubt that they did intend to provoke an incident. It’s simple really:

1) Keep escalating your behavior until you provoke a security response.
2) Claim victim status and complete moral superiority
3) Hold a rally to build support to your cause and generally spread the idea that Americans are prejudicial
4) File a lawsuit and tie up valuable resources with your stupid shit
5) Repeat steps 3 and 4 until the security responses are removed and people are too beaten down by political correctness to open their mouths.
6) Sit back and cheer when real terrorists use the newly created security holes to conduct 9/11 Part Two.

Right now they are on step three. Anyone want to bet step four is that far away? Really if our nation is gonna have a chance it’s gonna be people who have given up on this whole PC nonsense and have realized that madness is the logical conclusion of such a worldview.

So I tell you what, in two week I fly out to Washington DC again (I swear I was just there) and if there is any nonsense, I will not be shy in my “Islamophobia”. While political-correctness is your mantra, mine is that I’d rather be judged by twelve strangers, than carried by six friends.

I’m a member of the NRA (as is most of the MN Militia) and one of the perks of membership is a subscription to the American Hunter magazine. One of my favorite parts has to be “The Armed Citizen” which gives true stories of armed citizens in action. Defending their lives, the lives of strangers, preventing crime, protecting property and generally fighting the evil in our world.

Some of the stories are better than others. But this one highlighted an important distinction that many forget

Samuel Mitchell was exiting his church after choir practice, unaware that two blocks away events were in motion that would change his life. Police say a robber attempted to rob a man and woman, and the victims fled in opposite directions. The suspect pursued the female toward the church, where Mitchell had gotten into his truck. As he was leaving the parking lot, the woman climbed into Mitchell’s vehicle and pleaded for help. When the suspect caught up, he stuck a pistol inside the truck window and announced a carjacking. Mitchell, who has a concealed carry permit, responded by producing his own pistol and shooting the man, who died at the hospital.
(Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, Little Rock, AR, 09/15/06)

Now I’ve heard every argument in the book against concealed carry permits, but one of them most laughable is when liberals claim if you just backed away from the confrontation everything would be fine. The magical non-gender serenity fairy would come down and sprinkle his PCP dust and everyone would be just happy, and there would be no reason for guns to enter the equation.

But that’s exactly what this woman did. She ran. She ran two blocks and this guy came after her. No doubt intending harm. Did backing down help the situation?? Not a bit. Did the proper and justified use of a firearm in response to unprovoked aggression help the situation?? Absolutely. Two innocent lives were spared, property was protected, there was no re-enactment of the Wild West, there was no vigilante justice. In fact, the only harm done was to the grubby little parasite who instigated it all in the first place and continued to escalate the situation even after his victims attempted to peacefully end the situation. Sounds like a win-win for everyone involved….thanks to a private citizen exercising his constitutional right to bear arms.

I’ve been doing this blogging thing for almost five years and I still don’t understand it half the time. For example, last night I spent more hours than I care to admit researching various potential 2008 presidential candidates for a post. Great, put it together and up it goes. Then around noon my fellow militia-member throws together a half-assed gun porn post.

Where does the traffic go?? Split down the middle between the two.

Clearly I need to take lessons on efficiency from Drunkguy…..or drink more.

Yeah, it’s gotta be that. I clearly need more alcohol.

Yes, you read correctly… Eckernet.com has gone XXX. We’ve got what all you guys and even some of you wild women want… Unfortunately the resolution is a little fuzzy; you have to pay a premium for the full size pics. Due to the nature of this content, our lawyers have advised us to not post items such as this on our main page. So if you are dying to see what it is… go a head and check out the extended entry… Parents are advised to know what your children are looking at!
(more…)

As we sit and digest the 2006 Elections, it’s natural to look to the future as we wonder, “What went wrong and how do we prevent it in the future”. Towards that end, inevitably the topic will arise, who will carry the banner in 2008?

There have been many many names mentioned and some profess alarm at the fact that a name hasn’t risen from the ashes and been the clear choice. To that I might point out that at this point in 2002, the Democrats were still entertaining names such as Howard Dean and Al Gore, the Dean Scream hadn’t happened yet, and John F-ing Kerry was barely a blip on the radar. My point being, alot can happen.

But it is sometimes entertaining to take a look at what’s out there and wonder if they have a shot. And since it’s entertaining to some (such as myself) I’ll take a look at some of the names and balance out the pros/cons of each. Now out of necessity let me point out that I won’t mention all the names that have been mentioned, rather just some of the outstanding ones.

Tom Tancredo
Well you had to be expecting him, after all, he is the poster child of my favorite cause, and I’m a big fan. That said, I’ve already pointed out that Tancredo isn’t likely to be a serious presidential candidate. Mostly because in the eyes of most of the nation he’s a single-issue candidate. Although, as one very observant commenter pointed out, he has a very impressive conservative portfolio besides illegal immigration. High grades from the National Taxpayers Union, the American Conservative Union, the Citizens Against Government Waste and the NRA. He’s big on defense, he’s pro-life, he’s against gay marriage, anti-illegal immigration, likes constructionist judges and he’s for drilling in ANWR. He’s a virtual model of what most conservatives want these days. Only problem is he continues in the eyes of many to be a one-issue candidate and has really made no attempts to improve upon that. Admittedly, he has not expressed much interest so far in the White House, and his immigration stance has earned him many enemies on both sides of the aisle, including Karl Rove. So, short of a major PR move, he’s a darkhorse candidate at best.

Newt Gingrich
Arguably one of the architects of the current day conservative movement, and the author of the “Contract With American” that lead to the 1994 House takeover. Despite, my belief that a renewed committment to the Contract With America being our roadmap back to success, I don’t know if Newt can get the Republican nod for President. During his time in office he did lead the charge against corruption but at the same time one only has to look at the reason he left office to wonder about ethical problems. I just can’t see the fact that he had an affair with a congressional staffer not becoming an issue during any presidential race, even though said staffer became his third wife (that itself being an issue). That said, he’s a virtual model of what conservatives need to do in the future. He’s for low taxes, shrinking the government, anti-illegal immigration, big on defense and the war on terror. If the “But Clinton Did It” excuse isn’t too worn out to melt away whatever influence his affair might have, Newt might very well be our best option at the moment.

Rudy Giuliani
“America’s Mayor”, he was the the rock upon which much of American leaned on that horrible day on September 11th, 2001. For that he earns my eternal gratitude. But there is one problem with him running for President as a Republican….he’s a liberal. Pro-Gun Control, Pro-Abortion (including partial-birth!), backs gay-marriage, appoints liberal judges, is essentially is in favor of eradicating the idea of a border and in 1989 he even got the Liberal Parties support in his run for mayor. About the only thing most conservatives will agree with him on is the War on Terror, and the fact that he likes low taxes and cuts spending. Is that enough for most conservatives? After the 2006 election backlash, I doubt it. He’s ranked high as a candidate right now because he is running on name recognition alone. Once people start seeing his beliefs, he’ll drop faster than a hooker in Bangkok.

John McCain
The guy that defined the term “RINO”. Sure he’s big on fighting pork, but beyond that…well he gets lukewarm ratings from conservative organizations. In fact, his fellow Arizonian Senator Kyl ranks higher than him everywhere, even on defense issues. Plus he has damn near proposed handing over the southern US to Mexico. So he can’t exactly wave a conservative platform anywhere. Frankly, the only reason he gets ranked as high as he does is name recognition. For years, he’ll do or say anything just to get his name in the papers. Right now, that’s paying off. In a year, expect him to be go from “A List” past “B List” straight to “ZZZ List”.

Mitt Romney
Well right off the bat the guy has charisma coming out his eardrums. I mean the guy has the looks of a movie star, which in our TV monopolized world is not a bad thing. As far as credentials go, he’s middle of the road. As governor, he turned a deficit $650 million deficit into a surplus of $700 million facing a Democratic legislature. But he did that through extensive use of line-item veto for $180.5 million and raising state fees to a sum of $313 million. He supports the status-quo on abortion. On marriage, he supports “domestic partnerships” instead of civil unions or gay-marriage. He’s generally a supporter of gun rights, but supported the federal and state’s assault weapons ban. He appoints a large number of Democrats to judicial appointments. Romney could accurately be called a fence-sitter on virtually every issue. Plus the fact that he’s the governor of the liberal commonwealth of Massachusetts has to give one pause. Now others have made mention of the fact that he’s Mormon, I guess I don’t see this as a major issue but then again I haven’t seen any statistics on the publics opposition to having a Mormon president. I have problems believing this would be a big issue though. In general, Mitt Romney is a very lukewarm candidate, put him in the darkhorse category.

UPDATE : Ok via Fraters, who got it via Vox, we have this statistic regarding Mormons : 43% Would Never Vote for Mormon Candidate. Apparently it is an issue, which make Mitt look that much worse. Put him at the back of the darkhouse category.

Sam Brownback
The Kansan senator brings with him a not unimpressive conservative portfolio. While he’s fought against government waste and for tax cuts, he gets very lukewarm ratings from the National Taxpayers Union and Citizens Against Waste in Government. However, he has been a leader in the fight against abortion and gay-marriage. He’s a big supporter of the 2nd amendment and has supported constructionist judges. However, he sided with McCain on the immigration issue. There are some questionable campaign contributions from his 1996 campaign, even though he denies any wrongdoing, you can be damn sure it’ll be made an issue again. I’d definitely say he’s “in the hunt” but probably not a true front-runner at this time.

Mike Huckabee
While he has consistently not been ranked very high as a possibility, the governor of Arkansas does possess some traits that could allow him to pull into competitive standing. He’s managed oversee Arkansas’ first-ever tax cuts, and even got a “Taxpayers Bill of Rights” passed, although that was later followed with two half-cent sales taxes hikes, although those both carried special circumstances. He’s managed to balance the budget, even managing to take the fight to the teachers and health services programs. He’s got no defense experience, which during a War on Terror is not a good thing. He’s pro-life, and against gay-marriage. He’s been a champion of the Second Amendment and is for judges who interpret, rather than make the law. And while he’s for protecting our borders, he’s basically a pro-amnesty candidate. Like I said, he’s consistently ranked low, but I believe that’s mostly from little to no name recognition. His conservative portfolio is certainly no worse than any of the other front-runners.

Others
Now there are certainly others I haven’t mentioned such as Rice, Pataki, Hagel, Frist, Pawlenty, etc, but they have all consistently polled in the single digits when possible 2008 candidates have been discussed. And for virtually all of them there is good reason they have polled as such. While some of them could be consider vice-presidential material, unlike Huckabee I see no reason for any of them to be anything more than a footnote in 2008.

With the exception of Gingrich and Tancredo, there are no true conservatives out there right now. So the field is definitely ripe for an unknown “Reagan” to emerge and take the crown. So it will be interesting to see how the next two years go, and since the 2008 GOP National Convention is in Minnesota, I’ll have a front row seat to the festivities. The fun is already beginning as candidates are starting to declare their intentions to run, so I look forward to the fun and to see how well my evaluations pan out. Almost certainly this is a topic I will revisit. And also certain is that there will be lots of people who disagree with me. But that’s politics, and that’s what makes it fun!