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This music video, by Cobra Starship, started playing halfway through the credits of Snakes on a Plane. It was kinda unexpected, to the point that everyone in the theater just stopped in the aisles and watched the entire video.

It has been stuck in my head for a solid week now, so it’s time for you to have it in your head.

Plus the chick is hot.

[HatTip to Mall Diva for sending me the link]
[HatTip to spurringirl for dragging me to the theater]

Who knew that Forbes ranked the nation’s drunkest cities?? Not me. But was amused to see Milwaukee take the top of the list.

Who was number two?? On that list??

Minneapolis, St. Paul, of course.

Well actually it was my house, but the Forbes staff told me they couldn’t just list “Kevin’s Place” but if I was okay with it they would just put Minneapolis/St. Paul. I figured that was good enough.

I’m really pulling for first place next year though.

I figured if I can’t win the Rock Solid in the Blogosphere award, I may as well go for this!

Well today is August 23rd….the day that according to many wasn’t supposed to happen. That’s right if you haven’t listen to the radio/tv or read the internet the past couple months you may have missed the apparently widely held belief that Iran would bring about the end of the world yesterday. Apparently it was the anniversary of that Mohammend guy riding a magical unicorn to some magic mushroom festival in Lollipop Land or something….I dunno.

But anyway we were all supposed to die. I was all ready to meet those 72 virgins I keep hearing about and then all I got was a thunderstorm.

Seriously people, let the other side indulge in wacky conspiracy theories. If you want to fine, but at least put on a sandwich board and stand in Times Square where everyone else will just associate you as another lunatic rather than as one of us.

Once again the Chief Illegal Immigration Excuse Maker Michael Chertoff is promising to end the official “catch and release” policy imposed on the agents of the US Border Patrol.

Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff said this marks the end of the so-called “catch-and-release” policy that for years helped illegal immigrants remain in the United States unhindered.

For those of you who are rightly skeptical and could swear you’ve heard this before, well you’re right. Allow me to present a Director’s Cut of “Illegal Immigration : The Problem The Feds Wished You’d Stop Paying Attention To”

10/18/05 Take 1

We must end “catch and release” and implement “catch and return.” In fact, we are already taking steps to implement “catch and return” as I speak. We are reengineering our detention and removal process, without which we cannot have an effective enforcement strategy. This is the problem we have attacked first, in part to demonstrate decisively the advantage of taking a comprehensive approach to immigration enforcement problems.

11/02/05 Take 2

DHS will eliminate completely the “catch and release” enforcement problem. DHS is developing the capability to return every single illegal entrant amenable to removal — no exceptions. The goal is to achieve significant progress on this capability in less than a year. The detention and removal process will be re-engineered to create an efficient system that will always have available detention capacity, and will have a streamlined process for removal while minimizing an alien’s time in detention. This will be achieved through greater efficiencies in the removal process, cooperation with foreign governments, increasing detention capacity and expanding expedited removal.

11/28/05 Take 3

Our strategy for comprehensive immigration reforms begins by securing the border. Now, let me talk to you about a three-part plan. The first part of the plan is to promptly return every illegal entrant we catch at the border, with no exceptions. More than 85 percent of the illegal immigrants we catch are from Mexico, and most of them are escorted back across the border within 24 hours.

[...]

This practice of catch and release has been the government’s policy for decades. It is an unwise policy and we’re going to end it.

02/07/06 Take 4

The Department of Homeland Security plans to stop releasing non-Mexican illegal immigrants back into the United States starting in October. Previously illegal immigrants were given a notice to appear in court for deportation. Obviously almost none of them ever showed up at those hearings.

05/15/06 Take 5

In his speech, Bush said his administration would end the “catch and release” policy, under which illegal immigrants apprehended from countries other than Mexico are released and allowed to live in the United States while awaiting a deportation hearing.

05/20/06 Take 6

In an administration pledge to crack down on illegal immigrants, the Homeland Security Department has vowed to end the policy — ticketing and freeing people in the United States illegally instead of detaining them — by fall.

07/14/06 Take 7

The Department of Homeland Security is taking every step possible to enforce our immigration laws including to immediately end “catch and release.”

Anyone willing to take DHS by their word this time???

Anyone??

*chirp* *chirp*

*wind blowing*

Received an email from a reader recently regarding my post MN Earmarks Exposed that is fairly representative of comments I often hear from people when these type of things come to light.

Per your posting MN Earmarks Exposed - Why are we being forced to pay for a Jewish center and an Indian Women’s center? These are places that I can never use based on my religion and my race so why are they getting public money? I also noticed that the Twin Cities has lots of race-based cultural centers etc all paid for by our tax money (of course, they never fund European-American or christian anything).

Sadly the reason is probably more simple and common than we’d like to believe. It’s called politics.

Basically here’s how it goes, a group of people approaches their local politician. For the sake of argument let’s call them the Committee for the Restoration of Antique Plumbing (CRAP), and let’s call our politician Rep. Moneybags. Basically here’s how it works.

Rep. Moneybags : Thank you for visiting my wonderful friends from…
[checks notes]
Rep. Moneybags : ….the Antique Plumbing community.
CRAP : It’s nice to be here.
Rep. Moneybags : Now what can I do for you this fine day?
CRAP : Well you see, we’d like to raise awareness of our cause…
Rep. Moneybags : And a fine cause it is!!
CRAP : ….uh, quite….anyway, we’d like to build a heritage center to spread the word on the necessity of preserving antique plumbing. On the plus side we can also use it as a meeting hall as our membership has gotten quite sizeable
Rep. Moneybags : You don’t say? So you have alot of voters, uh, I mean members do you??
CRAP : Well yes, the cause of antique plumbing is important to alot of people.
Rep. Moneybags : As it should be….well my dear pipe-minded friends, this is a problem I’d be happy to help you with. As you may well know, I’m from the government and I’m here to help. And this is just the sort of problem that the government was designed to assist with. But I’ll need your support as well!
CRAP : No problem, I’m sure with your help your image would be greatly improved amongst our membership
Rep. Moneybags : Ah, it’s always good to hear from a supporter.
CRAP : Plus you could always attend the dedication ceremony of our new heritage center and meet our members. I’m sure they’d love to see you paying attention to our issues.
Rep. Moneybags : And I’d love to have them see me paying attention to their plumbing.
CRAP : Excellent, we only ask for 1.2 million in federal grants to help build our building.
Rep. Moneybags : Is that all?? May as well toss in another hundred grand to help pay for the dedication ceremony.
CRAP : Why thank you sir!!
Rep. Moneybags : I’ll slip it in….I mean, amend, the next appropriations bill to include your funds.

And so another earmark is born. Rep Moneybags hands over your money, in return he gets a favorable image with a group of voters and the opportunity to make it look like he cares. Is it the responsibility or business of the government to spend money on whatever dumbass project it’s being spent on?? Who cares!! It’s not their money, it’s yours. They are just “giving back to the community” remember?!?

UPDATE : Wow…a plug from PorkBuster.Org. Thanks guys! Keep up the good work….which hopefully includes plugging my site.

I have always loved stories like this…

McMiller, police said, ordered a bucket of chicken then told cashier Deanne Slaughter: “Give me the money before I shoot you.”

The suspect held his hand in his back pocket as if reaching for a gun, police said, then lifted his foot to jump over the counter.

Paul Sherlock, a customer sitting in the dining room, approached and pointed a Taurus 9-mm handgun towards the suspect’s back.

The suspect raised his hands over his head, police said. Sherlock ordered him to lean against a window with his hands up until police arrived.

I love them because they disprove what gun owners are repeatedly lectured about. Guns are always bad. They are only to kill with. Gun are dangerous. What do you really need a gun for?? Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah.

Here’s a good example. Crime stopped while it’s still in motion. Nobody got hurt. Criminal is off the street. Minimal police resources used in the process. Because a private citizen properly used his weapon to stop a crime in progress where a persons life was on the line.

Paul Sherlock wasn’t a trigger happy crazy guy. Just a regular citizen stepping in when he was able to help. The fact that he was armed gave him the tools to do it with less risk to himself and others. He didn’t go out seeking trouble but when trouble intruded itself upon his life, he had the resources necessary to deal with it. That is a GOOD thing.

For the past couple months there has been a particular telemarketer that is apparently desperate to get ahold of me. In fact, they call several times a week, only problem is I’m never home. The reason I know it’s the same telemarketer (or rather company) is that the same name pops up on my caller ID every time.

That name is…..AAHC

Huh?

Exactly.

Oh the suspense is killing me. AAHC. Who could that possibly be? In fact I’m so curious, I’ve done a little research. Near as I can tell it’s one of the following :

Australian Animal Health Council
African American Health Coalition
Arizona Association For Home Care
American Association Of History And Computing
Arizona Adolescent Health Coalition
Arizonans For Access To Health Care
American Association Of Healthcare Consultants
All American Home Center
Association Of Academic Health Centers
African American Heritage Committee American Accreditation Healthcare Commission
Ann Arbor Hosting Center
Austin Affordable Housing Corporation
Asian American Health Coalition

I can’t wait to find out who it is I’m going to curse at and then hang up on. Keep trying AAHC whoever you are!!!

Personally I’m rooting for the All American Home Center…I bet they got a killer sales pitch.

Software is…well it’s a funny thing. In general, we’re still not very good at it. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve been able to do some amazing things. But the field is still very much in it’s infancy. And bugs, cost/schedule overruns, failed projects, etc are more the rule than the exception.

But even with all the examples out there, it’s still entertaining to read about some of the more colossal clusterfucks (that’s a technical term some of you might not understand). For example, the FBI’s $170 million failed system…

It was late 2003, and a contractor, Science Applications International Corp. (SAIC), had spent months writing 730,000 lines of computer code for the Virtual Case File (VCF), a networked system for tracking criminal cases that was designed to replace the bureau’s antiquated paper files and, finally, shove J. Edgar Hoover’s FBI into the 21st century.

730K sources lines of code (SLOC)??? Wow. For essentially a digital file cabinet?? For comparisons sake, I work for a similiar company, and in particular one of the system I work on is an air traffic control system (if you’ve stepped on a plane in the western hemisphere you’ve been controlled by it). How many SLOC??? Roughly 450K. Seems a little off, but who knows. Perhaps the system is more complex than I think it is.

Nevertheless, the system was a colossal failure. The first sign of trouble…

Software problem reports, or SPRs, numbered in the hundreds, [Zalmai Azmi, the FBI's top technology officer] recalled in an interview. The problems were multiplying as engineers continued to run tests. Scores of basic functions had yet to be analyzed.

“A month before delivery, you don’t have SPRs,” Azmi said. “You’re making things pretty. . . . You’re changing colors.”

Never in one single statement has a one person demonstrated so completely that they themselves were probably a big part of the problem. It’s comforting to see that the person in charge of technology at the FBI appears to be completely oblivious to how technology is developed.

Not that this is a surprise. Anyone that has worked on a contract for the government can give you countless tales where they obviously have no clue what they are doing. It’s an epidemic within government agencies. They want you to build them the moon, made of gold, and populated by Ooompa Loompas living in gumdrop houses. At first it’s kinda cute. Then you realize that is your money they are wasting and you get depressed. Then you move past that and you’re just annoyed at how they can ask for something when they have no idea what that something is.

So here is a lesson I’ve managed to learn in my brief time working with government agencies. Managing customer expectations is key. They want you to give them the world on a silver platter. You have to make sure they understand they can’t get that, but here are some other options that might better suit their needs for varying prices.

Be ready to give a recommendation on which one you would pick, because they WILL ask. Remember they haven’t a clue what they are doing. The temptation to just point to the most expensive (and profitable) one here will be enormous. But remember, if they are happy with the end result, they come back for more.

This project didn’t fail because of inept leadership at the highest levels of the FBI. It failed because the contractor failed to explain to that same inept management in the FBI exactly what they were asking for and why it wasn’t going to happen.

The contractor got the government signed up for something they knew they couldn’t deliver. As a result they pushed blindly forward with little thought to a quality robust design. Basic functions were left out of the design because the contractor did not correctly analyze what the customer (the FBI) needed. The contractors claims that the government kept changing it’s mind is ridiculous. Of course they did, they don’t know what they want because you haven’t helped them figure that out yet. Had you done so they still may have occasionally done so but you would have been able to anticipate these and marked them as risk factors and planned accordingly.

Now don’t get me wrong, the FBI was at fault here as well. They remained blissfully unaware of how immensely they were wasting money and getting nothing for it. But they are the government….that’s their job. In this case the fault goes to the contractor, for failing to fulfill one of the most basic duties of any government contractor.

But heh, it’s not the end of the world, and the government has bottomless coffers of your money. So they’re gonna give it another try.

Last year, FBI officials announced a replacement for VCF, named Sentinel, that is projected to cost $425 million and will not be fully operational until 2009. A temporary overlay version of the software, however, is planned for launch next year.

The project’s main contractor, Lockheed Martin Corp., will be paid $305 million and will be required to meet benchmarks as the project proceeds. FBI officials say Sentinel has survived three review sessions and is on budget and on schedule.

SAIC is not involved. FBI officials say they are awaiting an audit by a federal contracting agency before deciding whether to attempt to recoup costs from the company.

Ahhhh, the circle of life in action…

So the mid-air bombings from a week ago have been foiled. But how likely were they to succeed?? I discovered an article written by a man who contends that even had they got on the plane with the chemicals they were more likely to kill just themselves, and not significantly damage the plane, then to cause a large enough explosion to bring down the planes and kill everyone. He concludes this line of thinking with…

The possibility of doing all this in an airplane lav or by some miracle at your seat seems really unlikely. Perhaps I’m just ignorant here — it is possible that a clever person could do it. I can’t see an easy way though. So far as I can tell, for the pragmatic terrorist, the whole thing sounds really impractical.

Of course he then goes into easier ways a terrorists could make a bomb yet we’re not banning materials that could be used for that. Although the focus of his blog is to expose stupid security measures so take that with a grain of salt.

However, the line of thinking that got him here, he discusses the actual process that the terrorists would have needed to do to create the necessary explosives to take down the plane. Reading through it I couldn’t help but think there had to be something he’s missing. I mean the 9/11 terrorists did multiple dry runs. From past experience it seems that these terrorists do alot of pre-planning and think this stuff through before hand. It’s hard to believe they would be on the verge of a dry run without even knowing if they can accomplish this or not.

So I was fairly certain that he was missing a link or twelve. But then researching Acetone Peroxide seems to confirm what he is saying. And apparently he was not the first person to raise the question of whether the plot was even feasible.

So it seems as if this was a plot doomed to failure from the very beginning. Which doesn’t strike me as the usual Al Qaeda type plot. Sure terrorists are suicidal and mentally deranged, but they aren’t stupid. Parts of it just doesn’t seem to fit with what we’ve seen in the past.

Sure parts of it do. Taking down airplanes. Hitting UK/US interests. Meticulous planning (except for the bomb materials themselves). Yeah, the high level viewpoint could easily be that this is another Al Qaeda plan.

But to not even have determined the plot was possible strikes me as odd. Now this could very well be good news. It could be that we’ve severed the hands from the brain so that not only does one hand not know what the other is doing, but they don’t even know what THEY are do. At the same time, is Al Qaeda restructing itself and changing it’s tactics. Sure they appear f-ed up right now, but evolution and learning from mistakes can do alot.

Or am I just being paranoid. But remember the old saying, “Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t really out to get me“.

Ok let me start by saying I was forced to attend this movie. I watched the preview, my first and only thought was “Snakes on a plane??? What a fucking stupid concept for a movie. What type of jackass would see that???”

So I saw the movie this weekend. And I’d like to point out I wasn’t properly compensated for being dragged to the movie. *cough* *cough* Yeah, ya’ll know who you are! But anyway so I was dragged, damn near kicking and screaming to this movie. I was ready to pull a Mystery Science Theater on this movie if necessary to get me through. I was not looking forward to it. But when you get an offer you can’t refuse….well, you’ve all seen The Godfather. So keep in mind that was my mindset going in.

Movie began much differently than what I expected. I mean we’re 20 minutes into the movie and I have seen neither a plane nor a snake. However, I have seen scantily clad attractive females and a firearm. Suffice to say, the movie got off on the right foot.

Characters drift into this movie almost without you realizing it. Obviously a vast majority of the movie takes place on a plane, but it is done well enough that before you know it, you are on the plane with all of them. Which is actually part of them problem. It has to be part of the human genetic code that confronting a hostile snake is one of the last things a person fears most. Whether you believe in evolution or creationism, somewhere along the line, an extreme dislike of snake was placed in the human instincts. And this movie exploits that to the extreme.

So even though you obviously know that these people are going to run into snakes on a plane, you can’t help but cringe at some of the situations the characters find themselves in. It’s easy to fall into the movie and become one of the passengers. And believe me when I say that both men and women will find themselves utterly alarmed at the first couple attacks. With the personal attacks out of the way, your innate prejudice against snakes will carry you the rest of the movie. Even the person I attended the movie with who professed to “love snakes” was jumping like she was on crack the whole freaking movie.

But there is more to the movie than just a glorified version of “Snakes Gone Wild : Spring Break Edition”. There is a plot and a reason for everything. And even the trivial characters develop and grow. From the womanizing co-pilot to the obvious Paris Hilton double, there is more to the characters than is originally revealed. And you find yourself pulling for each and every one of them….okay maybe not the British asshole, but the rest of them you do.

But let’s face it, most of them don’t survive. As such it’s probably not a movie for kids. I’m by no means an expert on kids, but I’m fairly certain this movie will have you up until 4 am explaining to your child why a snake isn’t going to come through the air conditioning vent in his/her room. And if you are the nerdy type, you’re going to find approximately 836 things in this movie where you’ll say “HEH! That isn’t possible!!!”. I know this because I am, and I did, and the person I was with was probably on the verge of slapping me.

For those of you who like to wait until it comes out on DVD. This is a movie for a big screen. This isn’t even one where you’re likely to buy the DVD. It’s one of those movie where you see it once, but then the magic is lost because it’s the experience of not knowing what’s around the next suitcase that makes it exciting.

Oh and because it was fairly obvious half the people in the theater with us were just waiting for the line “I’m tired of these mutha fucking snakes on this mutha fucking plane” Reservoir Dogs style, I’d like to point out he doesn’t say it until the last 20 minutes of the movie. So settle in and enjoy the rest of the movie.

NOTE: To the kid in our row that insisted on talking on her cellphone during the movie. You missy, are going to die. Just saying. I’m going to replace your liver with that cellphone…via your ear canal. I’m not even sure that’s physically possible, but I’ll make it work.