EckerNet.Com

Why is it that every time I see some really stupid news story, it comes out of either:
A) Washington DC
2) New Jersey
C) Florida
4) Wisconsin

Today’s case comes from Wisconsin

Michael Wilk was tossing back a few beers with friends…

Oh this oughta be good.

…when he saw God on the side of his 4-foot-long pet alligator.

Without even squinting, Wilk noticed white markings pop out against a backdrop of black scales to form the letters G-O-D.

Seriously people, God, Jesus, Mary or any of the rest of the upper management over at Heaven Inc. have a heck of a petty cash account. They don’t need to appear on toast, road signs, cheese sandwiches, muffins, highway overpasses, or alligators. Trust me, if they wanted to make themselves known they’d appear during the final performance on American Idol and say “HEH, listen up, I got something to say…“. Whether we could vote them off the show by calling in is up to the producers.

“When I first saw it, my jaw dropped,” said Wilk, 25. “It’s just sort of like a phenomenon on it.”

It’s farking stripes!!!

Wilk, a home remodeler with hopes of one day starting up an alligator farm…

Because if there is one thing alligators like, it’s the cold weather of Wisconsin.

…did not notice the gator’s unusual markings when it was given to him in December by another Wisconsin man who could no longer care for it.

So Wilk “found God”….how nice.

The gator’s home is a 450-gallon artificial pond where it feeds on raw chicken, steak and frozen mice, Wilk said.

While this may not answer the question of “What Would Jesus Do?”, it is clear that “God” is not a vegetarian.

Though most folks who have seen or heard of Wilk’s gator share a sense of amazement, they don’t see a higher meaning behind the letters on its hide.

Yeah, tell that to the people down in South America who are still crying over a water stain on a highway overpass that supposedly looks like the Virgin Mary.

Wilk, who was raised Roman Catholic but does not attend a church, said the creature hasn’t affected him spiritually:

“We don’t sit around with candles worshiping this animal, if that’s what you mean.”

Well good, because if you had been raised Roman Catholic, you presumably know that they tend to frown on worshipping false idols. If a golden calf qualifies, certainly a malnourished alligator does.

Which brings me to my final question…when do we get to see Steve Irwin kick God’s ass??