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From The Land Of 10,000 Taxes Comes…

June 22nd, 2006 by Kevin

the Wheelage Tax. \”Wheelage Tax?\” you say. Yes, the Wheelage Tax….I know it sounds like the name of the token dorky guy from a bad sitcom. I don\’t run the government, I just bitch about them. In this case, the fact that Dakota County (of which I am a resident) has decided to pass a \”Wheelage Tax\”.

What is the \”Wheelage Tax\”?? Well, every vehicle gets assessed a tax of $5 per vehicle with the proceeds going to road construction. Why the millions of other taxes on my vehicle don\’t already cover that is not sufficiently addressed. The word is a five-star twenty-member publicly-funded government-run \”research commission\” is looking into that. And they are leaving no stone unturned, as I hear they just checked into a hotel in the Bahamas on a prolonged \”fact-finding mission\”. But I digress…

But you don\’t live in Dakota County?? Sorry pal, you\’re not out of the path of the storm. Anoka, Scott and Washington counties are soon to follow. Presumably Hennepin is busy trying to figure out why their smoking ban isn\’t having the results proponents insisted it would.

How can they get away with this?? Well, it\’s easy see. They are the government, and you are….well, nobody…except in those days immediately leading up to Election Day, then you intelligent hard-working decent folk are the bedrock of our democracy and your vote matters so vote for me. Ok that may be a cynical way of putting it…I\’ll let the politician explain

\”We have tremendous transportation needs, but with more drivers and more congestion on roads, we need more funding,\” said Joe Harris, the Dakota County commissioner who helped revive the wheelage tax, a little-used state tax dating to the 1970s.

Some of my readers have complained they can\’t understand governmentese so I\’ll translate…

So like we thought it would be great if we (the govt) had even more money. I mean why should the greedy people have it? And then we saw this tax just sitting around unused. I mean it was actually letting people keep their own money!! What good is a tax if you don\’t screw the people with it?? Seriously. So we just made up some random number and told people to pay it or else.

Everyone understand that? Good.

What\’s that? You won\’t stand for this?? Well, sorry, but they are a step ahead of you…

Paying $5 a year is less expensive than paying an additional 6 or 7 cents in taxes per gallon of gas, Dakota County\’s Harris said.

That\’s right. You should all recognize the language of the 3rd grade playground bully. Suck it up or I\’ll make it hurt worse!!! Now hand over your lunch money, don\’t make me give you an atomic wedgie!!! Good to see our government is run by such well-adjusted adults.

How much money is this going to raise? Well…

Anoka County, which is expected to approve a wheel tax next week, should raise $1.5 million per year, Commissioner Dennis Berg said.

Dakota County could raise between $1.5 million and $1.7 million, Harris said.

Washington County would raise $925,000 annually through a wheelage tax, Peterson said.

What are we gonna get for all that money?? No idea. Rumor has it they are going to make the roads more aesthetic by painting all the manpersonhole covers either fuchsia or magenta. I\’m not sure if I should be upset about that because I have no f-ing clue what either of those colors are.

I\’m sure they\’ll have more tonite on the 9 o\’clock news…right after the story about which poor sap got themself murdered in Minneapolis last night. But no fear, I hear Klobuchar is on the case.

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Posted in Local Events | 4 Comments »

4 Responses

  1. drunkguy Says:

    stupid government. i’ve got alot more to say, but i can’t artfully put together a stream of profanity that will really fit. and since i don’t live in one of the effected counties, i’ll just stew over it until Hennepin county realizes its missing out on a few of my dollars.. but then, watch out…

  2. FOL Says:

    Wait until they hit us with the trainage tax to help fund the light rail that was supposed to take care of all our transportation needs.

  3. Drunkguy Says:

    Once they put that line in from st. cloud all our woes will be gone.. just you wait.

  4. Night Writer Says:

    Still to come:

    Breathage tax
    Grillage tax
    Doggage tax
    Garbage tax

    Ooops, I think we already have the last one.

    And don’t forget the Footage Tax, ala the Beatles: “If you try to walk I’ll tax your feet.” (Sorry, LF).