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One day at work, Bob was bragging that he knew everyone that was anyone. His boss got tired of his boasting and decided to call him on it.

He said, ‘OK Bob, how about Clint Eastwood? Do you know him?’

‘Oh sure ‘, said Bob. ‘He and my Dad shoot pheasant together and he’s a great guy.’

‘OK, prove it’, said his boss. ‘Let’s fly out to Hollywood and you can introduce me.’

‘Great!’, said Bob. And so they did. They took a taxi to Mr. Eastwood’s estate, Bob knocks on the door, Mr. Eastwood opens it and shouts, ‘Bob! Hey, great to see you! You and your friend come on in and have lunch.’

Bob’s boss was impressed, but still skeptical. When they left after lunch, he said, ‘That was a coincidence that you knew Clint Eastwood. How about President Bush?’

‘Sure, I know him’, replied Bob. So, they fly off to Washington, DC and head to the White House.

As they are touring the grounds, Mr. Bush sees Bob and comes right over saying, ‘My gosh, Bob, I haven’t seen you in a couple years. Come on in, have some coffee and let’s catch up.’

After a couple hours, Bob and his boss are escorted off the White House grounds and Bob asks his boss, ‘Well, do you believe me now?’

His boss, shaken and a bit bewildered, but still not completely convinced says, ‘I’ll believe you if you show me you know one more person - the Pope.’

‘Certainly’, says Bob, ‘I’ve known the Pope since I was just a little kid. Let’s fly over to Italy.’

So, off to Rome they fly and join a mass of people in Vatican Square waiting to catch a glimpse of the Pope. Bob says, ‘There’s no way I can get the Pope’s attention with all these people here. How about if I go talk to one of the guards I know and then I’ll come out on the balconey with the Pope to prove to you I know him.’

Bob’s boss waits as Bob heads off into the crowd. About 15 minutes later, the Pope emerges on the balconey and right beside him is Bob waving to the crowd.

When Bob returned a few minutes later to where he had left his boss, there were paramedics there surrounding his boss laying on the ground - he had had a heart attack. Bob rushes up and asks what happened.

His boss looks up at him and replies, ‘I was doing ok when you came out on the balconey. But then the guy next to me asks ‘Hey, who’s that up on there on the balconey with Bob?”

Harvey of Bad Example, has been going through all the states posting fun facts about them. Well, he’s finally gotten to Fun Facts Aboot Minnesota.

Among the facts are

Madison, Minnesota is known as “The Lutefisk Capital of the World”. Avoid this city at all costs.

HEH!! My father’s side of the family is from Madison!!! It’s a nice town! They got….

…

…

…

…well they got a statue of a fish at the town perimeter. But it’s a walleye, so it’s cool!!!

Dang it…but then again I suppose it’s not as bad as certain other people claiming my birth/home town of Brooklyn Park is the ghetto. Goodness, you have one gang war and one serial killer captured on your block and you are labeled for life.

Ok some gunmen in the Gaza strip claim to have fired a chemical weapon at Israel…

A spokesman for gunmen in the Gaza Strip said they had fired a rocket tipped with a chemical warhead at Israel early on Thursday.

[...]

An Israeli military spokeswoman said the army had not detected that any such rocket was fired, nor was there any report of such a weapon hitting Israel.

Ok how bad is that…you fire a chemical weapon and nobody even notices. You have to ANNOUNCE it. So either
A) You’re talking out your soon-to-be-bombed ass.
2) Your chemical weapons suck… (FYI : Bleach is generally not considered a chemical weapon).

And if you actually have chemical weapons, and you fired them…why announce it?? If you didn’t damage anything that people aren’t gonna noticed without the announcement, obviously you didn’t do anything worth having the entire might of the Israeli military brought down upon you. Being a martyr for a cause is one thing, being a martyr for following your God given right to be a complete fuck-up is another.

The group had recently claimed to possess about 20 biological warheads for the makeshift rockets commonly fired from Gaza at Israeli towns. This was the first time the group had claimed firing such a rocket.

Ok I’m not sure who to ridicule the most here….the terrorists, or the reporter that wrote this. They claimed to have biological weapons. They claim to have fired a chemical weapon. Newsflash : THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING. Otherwise you may as well have the history books written that we dropped a bio-weapon on Nagasaki and a chemical weapon on Hiroshima.

WMDs are not all the same. At least have the sense to realize that. And so then when someone claims to have 20 bio weapons but then claims to have fired a chemical weapon even though nobody noticed….your bullshit detector should start going off.

It’s a good thing we have editors working the MSM press rooms.

Ok yes, war is a tragic and horrible thing….but at the same time it brings you some fascinating stories.

Sniper Section Four was in a hide when the spotter observed a military-aged male inside a nearby parked car videotaping a passing patrol of amphibious assault vehicles. The Marines saw a rifle stock by the insurgent’s side.

“We were in the right place at the right time,” said Sgt. Kevin Homestead an infantryman from K Company serving as a spotter for the sniper team that day.

They first radioed the passing Marines and told them they were being watched by an enemy sniper and to stay low. The insurgent then sealed his own fate by preparing the weapon. The 21-year-old Marine sniper, who declined to be interviewed - aimed in at the gunman’s head behind the rear-side window.

He recited a mantra in his head. Breathe, relax, aim, squeeze, surprise.

The enemy sniper died with the gun in his lap.

They dialed K Company - or Samurai 6 - and reported the target was dead.

“We then saw another military-aged male … enter the passenger side door,” said Homestead, 26, from Ontario, Ore. “He was surprised to see the other shooter was killed.”

The second insurgent scurried around the car and jumped in the driver’s seat.

With the sniper now spotting for him, Homestead aimed in with his M-4 carbine and put three bullets in the driver before he could start the car.

A squad of K Company Marines came to the position and saw the sniper dead and the driver shot three times. The driver died as soon as the squad arrived on scene.

They pulled out the sniper rifle and immediately recognized that it was an M-40A1, the same used by the snipers of 2nd Battalion, 4th Marine Regiment in 2004.

The trunk of the car contained a pistol, a hand grenade, dozens of 7.62 mm rounds, multiple license plates and several camcorder tapes.

“When we saw the scope and stock, we knew what it was,” Homestead said.

The rifle was missing for nearly two years - almost to the day. Marines believed the insurgent they killed, or those closely associated with him, had it all along. It is unknown how many times it was used against U.S. and Iraqi forces.

“He was a very good sniper,” Homestead said. “But he got cocky and slipped up and it was our time to catch that.”

The weapon came full circle, having originally belonged to the Darkhorse battalion in Operation Iraqi Freedom I, who turned it over to the “Magnificent Bastards” of 2nd Battalion, 4th Marine Regiment. Coincidentally, a Darkhorse sniper killed the insurgent sniper, and a former Magnificent Bastard killed the spotter.

Darkhorse battalion had been dealing with sporadic sniper attacks since arriving in Iraq in January. Now, Marines have one less sniper to worry about.

“It’s very rewarding to take them out the way we did,” said Lt. Col. Patrick G. Looney, the battalion commander. “Doubly rewarding that it’s a 2/4 sniper rifle, even though it won’t bring back the four Marines who were killed that day.”

Triple rewarding that it won’t be used on another Marine or soldier, he added.

“The credit has to go to Sgt. Homestead and the Sniper Section leader who made the kill,” said 1st Lt. J. H. Cusack, Sniper Platoon commander. “It was more than being in the right place at the right time.

“It was the culmination of all of the training and planning the section leader had done up until that moment,” Cusak added. “Being absolutely alert and focused to detect a small clue during a period of apparent inactivity and a perfectly executed shot.”

Darkhorse snipers have since removed the powder and primer from the last 7.62 mm round chambered in the recaptured rifle. They will mount it on a plaque and present it to the Magnificent Bastards’ snipers to honor their lost Marines.

This needs no commentary….congrats guys and keep up the good work.

Back in 2004, Democrats claimed that if Bush was elected, that they would institute a draft because….well, they’re evil or something.

Well, we here at EckerNet.Com have been diligently supervising the situation and we can say with confidence that there is still no draft.

Your welcome for the update and we will continue to publish these groundbreaking updates.

It appears that half the MOB has decided to take some time off from blogging. What is that all about? Have a little bit of stamina. Ok, everyone gather around the EckerNet carpet…eh, maybe not, it’s got dog hair all over and I’m not sure what that spot is. Let’s just go over and sit at the bar instead.

Ok, I’ve been doing this blogging thing since January of 2002. In that time I took one break and that was when I was finishing up my Masters, having surgery AND buying/moving into a house all at the same time. That’s right worship me.

Ok that’s enough.

So take a little advice you slacking bloggers. The trick is to do everything really half-assed. Yeah, I know, I’m not one for inspirational speeches….see I’m doing it half-assed.

Dang it…you’re not nodding and feeling enlightened. Fine…here’s some real advice.

Stop taking your blog and yourself as a blogger so damn serious. Remember why you used to do this?? It was fun right?? I know some of you think you are saving the world with your blog. But do you remember what the world was like before your blog?? Yeah, it was exactly that same. So instead of saving the world with your blog, just save your blog, keep it fun. It’s more fun to read someone who you know is having fun writing anyway.

And another thing….put down the SiteMeter. Now step back. Ok, repeat after me, “I am not in competition with Instapundit. I am not in competition with Instapundit.” Yeah, keep repeating, I gotta grab another beer, I’ll be back…..ok, yummy. Where was I? Oh yeah, forget the traffic. Yeah, unless your checking to see how often your mom is reading your stuff, just stop looking. It’s the first step to taking yourself too seriously.

Also, keep in mind…are you planning on making a career out of your blog?? No? Then feel free to take a night off every once in awhile. Your readers can handle thinking for themselves for one night. If I catch one more blogger blogging on their anniversary or their kid’s birthday, I swear I’m gonna snap. Heh, even God rested on the seventh day remember?? Surely you’re not trying to compare yourself to God right?!??!

Get a co-blogger. Yeah, I know, I need to do this myself, but it’s not a bad idea. Not only does someone else contribute content. But you can bounce topics off each other, and play your posts against each other. Plus it makes it more fun…or so I’ve been told. By the way, anyone wanting to blog on this site, let me know! Apparently I’m the only one of the MN Militia that is literate.

Ok that’s enough…I’m getting bored with this post so I’m ending it. See how that works?

Apparently, instead of divorcing her husband, Hillary has decided to divorce reality…

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) said Democrats emerged from this week’s Senate debate more united than critics contend around a policy aimed at forcing the new Iraqi government to take responsibility for suppressing the insurgency. Party unity is important, she said, but not as valuable as an open debate about how best to change course.

“We’re not blindly united like the other side is, where they are like the three monkeys — ‘hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil,’ ” she told reporters after a speech to the Democratic group NDN. “They’re not going to say anything negative about the president, the vice president, the secretary of defense or anybody else. I think that’s irresponsible. It’s negligent.”

What?? Hello?? Reality to scary lady, come in please. Scary lady?? Hello? Is this thing on?

Blindly united?? Wasn’t your side just oozing with delight over the supposed fractioning of the Republican party over spending and illegal immigration?? Hasn’t the Republican party pretty much revolted against Bush on those issues??

Remember the Dubai Ports deal??

Ever heard of a lady named Harriet Miers?? No it’s not yet another intern your husband slept with, it was the person Bush tried to push through as a Supreme Court nomination.

If you’re going to throw cheap insults at your opponents, at least make them plausible.

….Of extreme moonbattery….

Ok let’s say we wanted to write a tale of the most loony story we could think of. How would it go?

Well, first of all we need a cause. Not a good cause. Or a new one. Or even one that hasn’t been settled over and over for 50 years. How about….ending WWII by dropping bombs on Nagasaki and Hiroshima?? Sure, that’ll work. Our cause is that the US should had continued a bloody war that would have costed infinitely more lives (including American ones) than those two bombs did.

Ok so we have a cause…we need a target. Um…we’re basically anti-nuke so it has to be along that lines. Um, nuclear power plant? Nah, too normal. Atomic research lab?? No, too pedestrian. Anti nuclear warships?? Nah, San Fransisco and France (same thing) have been doing that for years. I know!! Nuclear missile silos!!

Ok perfect, we got a cause, we got a target…we need an action. Well it’s always “in” to spray paint the target and pour fake blood on it. Nah, we’re not doing this half-assed, we’re pouring REAL blood on it. But we need something more. What are we going to actually do to the missile silos? Hmmmm, has to be something pointless, yet symbolic. Has to inspire others. Has to….ah, hell, let’s just try to destroy them.

Wait…destroy a missile silo?? Is that even possible?? I mean aren’t they made to withstand pretty heavy attack?? Yeah, probably, we’re definitely gonna need heavy equipment for this job. Yeah…some regular hammers from our local hardware store should do the job.

Ok now like any good activist, we need a good looking yet functional wardrobe. I mean we’re probably gonna be on the news here. So we gotta look good. What to wear?? Well it’s a raid…how about camo?? Nah, too alternative. Leave that to the disaffected urban youth. Hmmm, tie-dye T-Shirts?? Nah, then people will just label us as hippies. Oh Oh Oh Oh! I know!! Clown suits!!! Clown suits?? Yeah, clown suits. We’ll wear ill-fitting overalls, yellow wigs, dunce caps and face paint, it’ll be so cool!! Eh…ok, we gotta get moving on this.

Ok I think we’re ready…

So here’s the plan. The three of us are gonna dress in clown suits, break into a military installation, and then deface and attempt to destroy nuclear missile silos using only spray paint, real blood and household hammers all for the idea that the US should apologize from bombing a country they were at war with. Sound good, okay let’s go.

Sounds silly right? Here’s the sad part….it’s all a true story.

Well another NHL draft has gone by and it appears the theme was something along the lines of “A bunch of Minnesotans plus a few other guys”. Johnson, Kessel, Mueller, Okposo, Sneep, Forney, Fischer, Medvec, etc. Four Minnesotans in the top eight, including the first ever Minnesotan taken as the first pick. Impressive.

Well with all that homegrown talent, how did our MN Wild do?

Well our first rounder (#9 overall) I guess I’m not real familiar with to be honest. By all accounts he appears to be fairly decent. He’ll probably sit in the minors for a year or two and then hopefully pop out. Supposedly he’s a good shooter, which is good because it’s what the Wild need….someone who can put points on the board. Although they need that NOW, rather than in a couple years…

…which brings me to my next topic…”the trade”. Hell, I don’t have to even be talking about the Wild and people know what I mean. Pavol Demitra for Patrick O’Sullivan plus the #17 pick. Wow. Ok first things first, Demitra is an excellent player in his own right. He’s got experience and he can put the pucks in the net. He can help Rolston out tremendously. Plus he’s not just another Slovakian….he’s also a good friend of Gaborik, and I have a feeling this was to encourage Gabby to re-sign more than anything else. Now the downside….Demitra is…well, he’s 31 and he’s had a rash of injuries lately. He’s on the backend of his career and we gave up not only a first round pick but also an EXCELLENT prospect in O’Sullivan (who I was really looking forward to). In a couple years, O’Sullivan will be just as good as Demitra is plus he’ll still be young. So the Wild have two, maybe three years to make this trade worth it. And regardless, if Gabby doesn’t resign, then we lost out on this trade.

Picking Apple Valley High School’s Kyle Medvec was a nice nod towards the fans. Luckily I think he’s a pretty decent player so far. He’ll obviously spend quite a few years in the college level or the minors, and hopefully in a couple years we can see something special.

We’ll see what happens, but it is nice to see the Wild management stepping up and spending a little money. Perhaps they’ve decided now is the time to make a push?? I’ve heard they were looking to spend a little bit of money in trades/free agency this year and we certainly have room under the cap for it. Pronger is asking to be traded, might there be room on the Wild for him? I doubt the Oilers would trade him within the division though.

So I suppose the real question of this weekend is, can we really hate the Canucks as much as we once did with out that punk Bertuzzi on the team??

Ok if you are trying to inspire public sympathy for your union, and your union happens to work in an industry that already invokes fear, dread and loathing from the public, it is probably best not to call your PR campaign CHAOS. This is probably doubly true if your industry is the commercial airline industry.

Nevertheless, the flight attendants union for Mesaba Airlines (which operates the Northwest AirLink service) in their efforts to fight cost-cutting by the airline has begun a program called CHAOS. Just an unfortunate acronym?? Nope, the actual name of the program is even worse, “Creating Havoc Around Our System”. Yes, just what the airlines need…more havoc.

The program is basically to randomly cause delays and cancellations of flights….because apparently there aren’t enough of those without purposely causing them. They’ll acomplish this by basically just not showing up or showing up late. How this is suppose to endear them to the public is not explained.

Now I have several close family members that work for Mesaba, including as flight attendants…which is probably gonna make our next family gathering interesting if they read this. So I’m familiar with the company, the situation and their jobs in particular. Mesaba employees have generally had it pretty good compared to employees of other airlines. Their pay isn’t as high, but they enjoyed greater stability and flexibility and a pretty good company culture. Yet, now when Mesaba claims they need to cut costs to continue operation, as all airlines are having to do, the union says “poo on you”.

However, even if their cause is just, is a campaign of intentional inconvenience for their customers, which also carries a name guaranteed to make most people nervous, really the best approach? To their dubious credit, however, they do have a program to alert you if they decide not to show up for your flight. Which means you can get pissed off at home, rather than having to drive to the airport to get pissed off. Convenience don’t you know.

It’s a shame….Mesaba was probably the last part of Northwest I still liked doing business with.