EckerNet.Com

We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

Robert Wilensky

Okay apparently some members of the MOB have called shenanigans on KAR’s election for the most eligible bachelor. Since they disagree with the fact that a whiny punk like triple_a could win they are conducting their own election. Let’s call this the First Schism of the MOB. Well once again yours truly is amongst the finalists…and I’ve been granted this oh-so-encouraging introduction

Kevin Ecker is unique to the rest of this bunch, in that he is the only one with more hair than my three month old. He’s a bit of a heartbreaker himself as the MAWB squad gals tried to make him their love slave before they all quit blogging.

Wow….um, thanks, guys. If that isn’t a ringing endorsement I don’t know what is. So go ahead and drop by the Nihilist and give me a vote. Heavens knows there is no other reason to drop by. But in all honesty, since I’ve been a finalist for every “Rock Solid in the Blogosphere” award and never won, I’m not all that encouraged by my chances here. I think Nihilist and Sisyphus are secretly jealous of me.

UPDATE : Even my opponents give me ringing endorsements

Kevin: The guy has more dogs than your grandmother has cats. Why? He’s freaking nuts. I heard the guy actually keeps a gun tape to the toilet tank, ‘just in case’. Rumor has it he makes depleted uranium nuts cups for the Israeli army, and his piss glows in the dark since he just loves the feeling of a nut cup. (He can’t stop stealing the merchandise from work and wearing them to the dog park, to make up for his, um, shortcomings.) Quite honestly, I’ve heard the ATF is closely watching the guy for arms smuggling. He allegedly has been taking home the arms blown off test subjects and fastening them to all the walls of his house Aunt’s basement so he can run around and get high fives like he is some kind of pro wrestler.

The illegal immigrants arrested are being released never to be seen again. Now while this is unacceptable and is itself a big problem, there is perhaps a silver lining to all this.

In short, the charges to the managers that hired these illegal immigrants need to stay. If they are found guilty and are subject to the penalties that sends a message to other employers.

Six of seven current and former IFCO managers charged with felony conspiracy to harbor illegal aliens were released on bond and are to appear May 4 in Albany, N.Y., where the criminal complaint was filed and the investigation began at a suburban IFCO facility.

The managers could face up to 10 years in prison and a $250,000 fine for each alien involved, as well as forfeitures.

Now granted this isn’t happening on the scale to send such a message. Clearly it needs to happen more. But my point is that if you make this a trend and do it often enough and with enough publicity, it does send a message. You raid employer after employer, and round everyone up. Now even if you release the actual illegals, but charge the employers it goes a long ways towards solving the problem.

Part of the reason illegal immigrants come here is because it is still largely the land of opportunity, even for criminals, namely people with no legal right to be here. Take away the opportunity and you take away one of the big reasons illegals come here in the first place. If life here is just as bad as it is back home for illegal immigrants I’m fairly certain many will self-deport…or at least stop encouraging relatives to illegally cross the border.

As an added benefit, it makes legal immigration all the more attractive. Not only are you here legally but the job market is all that more attractive.

Most of you have already heard the dreadful news. Another honorable decent breathing bachelor has surrendered to the institute of marriage by getting engaged. And not just any man person, but our own St. Paul of Fraters Libertas previously known as the MOB’s most eligible bachelor.

Obviously a new heir to the throne was needed. KAR conducted the election and congrats to Triple_A of Residual Forces for winning. Apparently yours truly was temporarily uneligible due to a slight case of marriage. And I gotta admit, triple_a shows promise. He hasn’t had the title for 24 hours and he’s already at it like a pro.

Here yours truly, in a magnificent feat of photography, captured the smooth talker triple_a spitting game at the lovely ladies of the Kennedy campaign. I got to admit I’m proud of the rat bastard….even if he does abuse my comment section.

Now I understand that many people were surprised by the announcement that St. Paul was engaged. Truly none of us honestly believed he would ever find a woman willing to put up with him. Many people find it so unexpected that they demand photographic evidence of his engagement. Well…I can’t produce that. But I do have an artist’s rendering of St. Paul’s proposal to his future wifeboss.

Best of luck kids.

It’s a bad sign when a token effort to actually enforce our pre-existing laws like this make the news

Federal immigration authorities rounded up more than 1,000 illegal immigrants at dozens of sites and charged nine individuals of the firm that employed them, federal law enforcement officials announced Wednesday.

Seven current and former managers of IFCO Systems, which has offices in several states, were arrested and charged in connection with the employment of illegal immigrants, said U.S. Attorney Glenn Suddaby in Albany, New York.

Suddaby said two lower level employees were also charged in the case.

The action against IFCO Systems — an industry leader in the manufacture of wooden pallets, crates and containers — came as Homeland Security and Justice Department officials prepared to announce steps to toughen internal enforcement of the nation’s immigration laws.

Did you expect a congratulations or a grateful response to this? You’re doing your job….finally. Now to be fair I don’t blame or fault the Immigrations and Customs Enforcment (ICE). I genuinely believe they would like to do what they’ve been trained to do. Rather it’s the politicians that handicap our agencies with such ridiculous restriction or outright order them not to enforce our laws.

Perhaps this is a sign that our politicians have awaken to the reality that is illegal immigration and the seriousness of the problem. Or perhaps we’re just being thrown a token bone AGAIN to pacify some of the outrage that many conservatives are feeling on this issue.

You can guess which one I think is probably more likely.

Clearly I am in the wrong line of business

Italy’s most famous porn star Cicciolina has offered herself to Osama Bin Laden.

[...]

Speaking at an erotic fair in Bucharest, Romania, Cicciolina said: “It is time someone did something about Bin Laden, and I am ready to do it. I am ready to make a deal, he can have me in exchange for an end to his tyranny. My breasts have only ever helped people while Bin Laden has killed thousands of innocent victims.”

Ok, normally I can’t complain. I mean we all know how many women (especially the attractive and single variety) gravitate towards the software/computer industry. I mean I can’t even hurl my computer monitor across the hallway in anger without hitting a gorgeous woman.

But despite all that, I have to admit this has never happened. I’ve never had a porn star offer themselves up if only I’ll stop doing my job or even if I actually do my job. It’s simply never happened. Clearly this is a situation that must be fixed. I mean granted the porn star in this particular story is 55, which to my young brain is about 2 minutes short of dead, but it’s the principle of the thing!

I declare this occupational discrimination (with that term I figure I got 90% of liberals onboard)! Why should only the fanatically crazy or the delusional despots of the world horde all the porn stars?? Clearly this is a form of class warfare perpetuated by our Nazi government to keep the working man down. I bet everyone at Halliburton has a porn star!!!

Clearly this should be at the top of the federal agenda. I mean I’m sure this whole “keeping the world from descending into genocidal mayhem” is important, but let’s have a sense of perspective here. If George Bush isn’t on the phone to Hugh Hefner in 5 minutes, I’ll officially be disgruntled.

This contest is a special one. Thanks to my victory in the photoshop contest, this one will have an actual prize associated with it. A copy of Hugh Hewitt’s new book! Let it begin!

The Rankings Are As Follows:
Triple “I Whine Like A Child” A : 4
Aelfheld : 2
Sola-Man : 2
NightWriter : 2
Mall Diva : 2
Dan S : 1
Harvey : 1
spurringirl : 1

NOTE : People that have already won a copy of the book cannot win another.

For this contest you get to make up your own answers!! That’s right…just pretend you’re a real life journalist and just make shit up. Post answers in the comments. They will be judged on creativity, plausibility and humor.

Question : Whose child is being held captive here?

Past Contests:
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13

Wow so the cheerleaders for those that prefer to ignore our lawsimmigrants are calling for a nationwide boycott on May 1st.

U.S. immigrant rights advocates on Thursday called for a nationwide boycott of work, school and commerce on May 1, seeking to capitalize on the momentum of recent mass demonstrations across the country.

It is unclear if they also plan to boycott leeching off our social system and committing further crimes during that day. Presumably the answer to that is “no”. So we’ll just have to put up with them not working, not buying stuff and not trying to better themselves. In at least some cases, I’m wondering how we’ll know the difference (joke people…calm down).

So for a day they won’t buy anything….which makes it about as effective as the popular email we all get about 48752 times a year declaring a national boycott gas day….in which everyone is supposed to not buy gas one day which will magically drive down prices, even though everyone will have to buy gas the next day…or will have bought the day before. So in other words, millions of illegal immigrants will reschedule their purchasing of items that will be purchased regardless. Apparently economics is not a valued skill in the illegal immigration community.

They also won’t work…which is apparently supposed to bring the country to it’s knees. So apparently having onions sit in the field for an extra day, or not having our garbage cans emptied will cause the end of Western civilization as we know it. Supposedly they think their not working will essentially bring our transit system to a halt, which also is supposed to bring about the end of the Free World. It is understandable if those of you who have ever experienced a transit union strike are a bit confused by this logic.

Their children will also not go to school…which how that affects me, I’m still not clear on. Presumably I should care. I don’t so there might be a flaw in the plan there.

But heh, it might work out for them. After all, it’s supported by what is essentially a national front for communism, the IWW. So how bad could it be?? We all know how well communism has worked out everywhere it’s been tried. Oh wait….

I have a feeling I’m going to spend all my waking hours on May 1st giggling uncontrollably.

Best. One-liner. Ever…

Me : How’s it going?

Co-worker : Well…….mathematically speaking, we’re fucked.

As many of you know, at the moment George Allen is the guy I would prefer to take the Republican nomination for President in 2008. Personally I think he’s our best option at the moment, mostly because I’ve always found him to be a fairly consistent and reliable conservative.

Lately I have been a bit concerned though. For quite awhile he seemed to waffle a bit on the illegal immigration issue. He never came out in support of it, but he definitey refrained from openly stating his opposition. I was starting to be a bit disappointed that he might try to ride the fence on this one and that I just can’t support.

Fortunately, he appears to have made a decision….unlike much of the rest of the Republican “majority”.

“[For] the people out there in the real world . . . this is a hot issue,” Sen. Allen told CBS’s “Face the Nation.” “I think the Senate needs to put the pedal to the metal, get moving, make decisions and first and foremost, secure the borders.”

On some of the amnesty bills currently before Congress, Allen said: “We should not reward illegal behavior because all you’ll get is more illegal behavior.”

Thank goodness he finally took a stand. Although, I can’t say it exactly shows leadership. After all, to any Republican that wants to keep their job and/or the majority, it’s fairly clear what their base wants. I mean if you were faced with an issue affecting national security that the public opinion polls showed there was broad opposition to and there were indications that over 50% of your base would stay home on election day if you didn’t make the right choice…..well, how hard of decision is that? Well not a real hard one…unfortunately, Allen is one of the few that appears to have realized that.

A position he expands on in this (standard) email I got from his office recently in response to my past inquiry

Dear Kevin:

Thank you for your contacting me regarding the need for immigration reform. I appreciate your comments and value the opportunity to respond. We are a nation of immigrants and a nation of laws. I understand this well, as my own mother is an immigrant who came to our country legally after World War II.

Throughout this debate, I have consistently said the legislative priority should be to secure our borders and stop the flow of illegal entry. A country that cannot control its borders, cannot control its own destiny. I have advocated and supported measures to address this neglected responsibility with more border patrol personnel, detention centers, sensors and virtual or physical fences where necessary to stem the flow.

Once that fundamental problem of border security is addressed then the Congress should move to forge both a stable and consistent legal immigration policy and a responsible legal temporary worker plan. But I believe that no plan should reward illegal behavior and this includes a form of amnesty; therefore, I voted against the convoluted three-tiered amnesty deal.

I did support and vote for the amendment to significantly improve border security and make reasonable adjustments for legal visas for students, workers, families, health care professionals and tech workers. Alas, no proposal passed in the Senate. The need for border security and immigration reform remains inadequately addressed. I will keep working to find a solution and consensus on this growing, important issue consistent with the principles of securing our borders, not rewarding illegal behavior and devising a legal temporary worker system.

I appreciate your contacting me on this matter and hope you will not hesitate to contact me again about issues important to you. If you would like to receive an e-mail newsletter about my initiatives to improve America, please sign up on my website (). It is an honor to serve you in the United States Senate, and I look forward to working with you to make Virginia and America a better place to live, learn, work and raise a family.

With warm regards, I remain

Sincerely,

Senator George Allen