EckerNet.Com

Some of you may be familiar with my attempts to finally get my Masters degree. Yeah, the one I completed a year and a half ago but have yet to receive.

In short, they lost my paperwork, and the enormous bueaucracy of the University hinders their ability to re-file anything. It’s a system that barely works if you follow the process. If they encounter anything outside the process, it’s like explaining how the real world (the one outside academia and/or the welfare system) works to a liberal.

The red tape involved here is amazing. There is enough that it has it’s own gravitational pull. And according to an email I recently received, that gravitational pull has increased so much that it has collapsed in upon itself….creating an Academic Blackhole. It’s rather unique in that it only sucks in anything productive or resembling of common sense or logic. Since I know this new discovery of an “Academic Blackhole” is interesting to you all, I’ll relate it’s discovery.

You see, I finally got the University to admit fault. The story of that has been exhaustively researched by the scientific community as it violates most of the known natural laws. Results have not yet been duplicated.

After accepting blame, the University decided they would waive the fees. This resulted in an accounting imbalance roughly equal to Spain’s annual GDP.

They also indicated they would fill out the paperwork themselves, and get it taken care of so that I would graduate in the summer of ’05 and receive my diploma in the fall. Since you are reading this in December, you already know how that went.

So far, here has been the results of the University’s multiple attempts to submit (to themselves) the paperwork for my Master’s degree*
1) Missing information (Zodiac sign not specified)
2) Wrong Form
3) Not enough signatures
4) Form lost
5) Missing Information (DNA Sequencing not included)
6) Too many signatures
7) Tofu was accidentally spilled on it Spontaneously ignited due to global warming
9) Dropped overboard at the last Vikings sex cruise
10) Eaten by Michael Moore
11) Union rules prohibited the submisison of this form without protective equipment **

Their next attempt is slated for this month. I’m a bit disappointed. Would have figured they could drag this out for at least two years. And they may yet do it. Of course, even once that happens they will still need 3 months to print out the actual diploma….so they have some margin of error to work with there.

Of course, after the last attempt, I could not help but ask, “So if you guys can’t even navigate through the maze of graduating, how do you expect students to do it…especially considering they don’t do this for a living??” In retrospect, this was a bad idea. They were not amused.

On the other hand this might be on purpose. It’s one last academic test before releasing their properly brainwashed students into the real world. Anyone still possessing enough common sense to vote Republican, will be unable to navigate the graduation system, hence keeping them in a controlled environment where they can be given more “diversity training”. And by the time you navigate the system, you’ve paid out a couple thousand more in fees.

Next time I hear people lamenting graduation rates, I know where they can start looking for a solution.

* Ok, only half of these actually happened. You get to pick which ones

** Oh look, I can make top 11 list just as well as some others I could name. Of course, as I’ve already shown…they aren’t that hard!