Remember how we keep hearing how the United States is horrible because it tortures it’s prisoners instead of just beheading them like everyone else?John Hawkins):
“1. The Attention Grab: The interrogator forcefully grabs the shirt front of the prisoner and shakes him.
2. Attention Slap: An open-handed slap aimed at causing pain and triggering fear.
3. The Belly Slap: A hard open-handed slap to the stomach. The aim is to cause pain, but not internal injury. Doctors consulted advised against using a punch, which could cause lasting internal damage.
4. Long Time Standing: This technique is described as among the most effective. Prisoners are forced to stand, handcuffed and with their feet shackled to an eye bolt in the floor for more than 40 hours. Exhaustion and
sleep deprivation are effective in yielding confessions.
5. The Cold Cell: The prisoner is left to stand naked in a cell kept near 50 degrees. Throughout the time in the cell the prisoner is doused with cold water.
6. Water Boarding: The prisoner is bound to an inclined board, feet raised and head slightly below the feet. Cellophane is wrapped over the prisoner’s face and water is poured over him. Unavoidably, the gag reflex
kicks in and a terrifying fear of drowning leads to almost instant pleas to bring the treatment to a halt.”
Wow…kids really have it rough. I mean they must because I remember kids doing 1, 2 and 3 to each other on a daily basis in school. Truly shocking and thought provoking.
How horrible for those prisoners. I mean here they are, denied their constitutional right to murder and behead innocent civilians in an effort to impose the religion of peace on the world. And not only are they denied that,
but they are gonna be tired, cold and wet when it’s all over!!! Makes you wonder why we all got so upset when they cut off people’s heads….I mean, look at what we’re doing!!!
And this is just the list of things that they are allowed to do after filling out 23 forms in triplicate 746 days in advance and having it approved by a 24/25 majority vote of Congress. Just imagine the horrible things on the “Banned”
list. Well wonder no more, my crack research staff has uncovered “fake but accurate” documents defining the “banned” torture methods :
1. Wet Willy: Interrogator licks his finger and then places it in prisoners ear. Optionally, the interrogator may say “I hate it when I piss on my hands”.
2. IndianNative American Burn: Prisoners arm is grabbed with two hands. Each hand is then turned in a different direction, resulting in a painful twisting of the skin.
3. Atomic Wedgie: Underwear is pulled up and over prisoners head.
4. Noogie: Prisoner is held in a headlock while interrogator rubs his knuckles repeatedly over subjects head. To be freed, prisoner must scream “Uncle!”. In the name of diversity, “Mohammed!” can also be screamed.
5. Name Calling: Prisoner is called a “dumb dumb poopy head” or a “stupid face” in front of his peers.
6. Picked Last For Kickball: When prisoners team up for prison yard kickball, subject is picked last….even after the fat kid.
7. Vegetables: Prisoner is forced to eat every one of his vegetables…even the lima beans. And he’s not allowed to leave his seat until they are all gone. No feeding the dog either!!
Truly shocking. Let us be thankful that the CIA came to it’s senses before imposing this horrific methods on it’s prisoners. Prisoners are really wonderful and kind people. I mean they have the odd habit of occasionally blowing up your house, but what person doesn’t have some weird quirk??
And thankfully the MSM is there to endlessly “break” this “tragic” “story” again and again and again.
November 22nd, 2005 by 
Kevin 
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