EckerNet.Com

Happy Birthday To My Little Sister T-Rex.

She turns the magical 21 today.

Best Wishes little sis. Drink too much. Enjoy puking later.

So, I’ve had glasses since I was like 8 years old. Had bi-focals since before I could drive.

Yesterday I visited the eye doc, and decided to give contacts a try. Yesterday, had them in for 4 hours. Today….well, the plan was 6 hours (per instructions) it turned into more like 10 hours.

Wow.

So this is what it feels like to have my eyeballs try to crawl out of my skull. Not all that pleasant really. A bit more on the side of “Holy Carp this f-ing sucks”.

I think while I wasn’t looking someone took a razor blade and scraped the surface of my eyes off. How they did that without me seeing is the part that really amazes me.

Suffice to say I think I may be going to bed early. After all, tomorrow morning I get to spend another half hour trying to stick the damn things in again.

It gets better right?

Mitch Berg has the scoop. Jason Lewis MIGHT be returning to the Twin Cities!!

That would be far too good to be true. Probably my favorite show at the time and every day was a definite must listen. Since then he’s been replaced by….well, Hannity.

Hannity is….well, Hannity. First of all he’s not local, which is probably enough to count for two spots. Third, well he’s a bit dry, he’s got the occasional topic that keeps my interest but besides that it’s hard to get into the show. And well, he could use another testicle sometimes.

For example, today he had some Republican Representative on (I missed who it was). Hannity was telling him that many of the base are feeling ignored (and we are) and to beware. The guest blahed on about how they are working on it and they are trying.

Bullshit. I realize Hannity needs to be somewhat cordial to his guests but bullshit. You haven’t tried shit. Illegal Immigration? Worse than ever. Spending? Just as bad as Democrats. Nanny state legislation? Check.

Not sure where Jason fits into that, but I need a change. And I remember tuning into Mr. Right every day and being entertained for the full show.

Almost as good as a NARN show!!

Her Diary…

Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friend all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn’t flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed, but he kept quiet and absent.

I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior; I don’t know why he didn’t say I love you too.

When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V.

He seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else.

I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.

I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

His Diary…

Played a horrible game of golf today! Shot a 95. Can’t putt for shit. Got laid though.

[HatTip : Pundsack]

To be honest I haven’t had much time today for any blogging type activity, so instead I’m gonna borrowsteal something someone else came up with. I thought it was a hell of a good question and it’s been bugging me all day.

So I introduce Prof. Lagged Variable (regulars will recognize him as the one I always argue with in the comments):

I was sitting on the Quad this morning grading quizzes when a pair of Chinese students approached me. They were doing a poll on cultural differences for their English as a Second Language class. They had two questions for me:

1) Why do Americans make everything (buildings, cars, etc.) so big?
2) Why don’t Americans take off their shoes when they enter a house?

Now LV comes up with an answer to both on his site. Check ‘em out.

I don’t think I agree with either one, but I’m stuck on coming up with a better one or really being able to come up with a good argument against his.

In any case, it’s been in my head and is bugging me. So as my readers, you are all hereby entitled to help me out and come up with some better ideas.

Get to it.

NOTE: When you come up with one I like I’ll steal it as my own and smugly post it on his site.

From the Still In Denial Department comes a story about Mary Mapes. Unfortuanately, she seems to have come down with a bad case of completely-missing-the-point-itis. Not sure how else to explain her following statement

There was no analysis of what the documents actually said, no work done to look at the content, no comparison with the official record, no phone calls made to check the facts of the story, nothing beyond a cursory and politically motivated examination of the typeface. That was all they had to attack, but that was enough.

You see the problem was the content doesn’t make a difference. I mean if something is obviously just fabricated does it really matter what the person who fabricated it wanted to tell you?? Especially since instead of reading a long boring memo you can just wait for Michael Moore to make the “documentary”. For example, is someone claims they found some previously unknown amendments to the Constitution…but they are written on Hello Kitty stationary, your first phone call is to the local hospital.

Although, if content of probably false documents still matters, then boy do I have an exclusive EckerNet scoop!! I was digging in my backyard and I found a letter that Jesus H. Christ wrote shortly before he died. It’s got the dirt on Sheehan, Jackson, Moore and the rest of the usual suspects. Below is a picture of the letter (click for larger graphic) and for convenvience I’ve transcribed the letter in the extended entry.

Remember, even if you think the letter is completely bogus, you still have to pay attention to the content. You gotta compare it to the rest of holy scripture (all of it!!!) and you gotta make phone calls to verify it (I assume the Pope’s switchboard is infallible).
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This morning at work I was rather thirsty, so I walked over to the vending machine and plugged in my $1.15 for a bottle o’ Dew. Pressed the button and nothing happened. Took me a couple tries to realize they jacked up the price to $1.25.

I was pissed.

Then I laughed, when I realized I was getting more worked up over the cost of a very optional bottle of pop than I do for a less optional gallon of gas.

So I plugged in another dime and made a note to have my congressman start an anti-gouging company against the vending company.

Regarding continued exaggerated and misleading reporting of Hurricane Katrina deaths

I’m sorry what were we talking about? oh yeah, one’s ability to beat dead horses with sticks until the stick’s cry fowl… and really in this case, they’ve shot the horse, just so they could beat it with a stick that came from a tree that they cut down, just so they could do an expose on the deforestation of southern Iowa.

- drunkguy