EckerNet.Com

A sure signal that the anti-Iraq war movement is fizziling out, Jane Fonda has announced her intentions to join the movement.

Fonda, who has a home in Atlanta, said her anti-war tour in March will use a bus that runs on “vegetable oil.”

No word on why “flower power” is no longer adequate to power the bus. However, in a feat of journalism, we here at EckerNet have uncovered a totally true unsubstantiated anonymous rumor that it’s all Bush’s fault.

In addition, further confirmedfabricated reports indicate Karl Rove, who has a home in Hades, intends to begin a pro-war tour using a bus that runs on “the blood of the babies of minorities”.

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.

3. Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!

4. Rottweiler: Make me

5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

7. German Shepherd: I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven’t missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

8. Jack Russell Terrier: I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls and furniture.

9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I’m sorry, but I don’t see a light bulb?

10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

11. Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares?

12. Australian Cattle Dog : First, I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle…

13. Bichon: I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

The Cat’s Answer:

Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:

How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?”

While Dogs have masters, Cats have staff

Batman Congratulations! You scored a super 68%!

Cool, calm and powerful. Whilst your actual super abilities may not be anything too dazzling, you have earnt the respect of both friends and enemies in response to your amazing fighting skills, strategic combat and experience. Luckily you have access to the greens which can fund all your majorly cool gadgets, vehicles and weapons! Also, you’re reluctant but still accepting to the idea of having a teammate/side-kick, which just makes everything a whole lotta fun, doesn’t it now! On the down side, you’ve probably suffered some sort of trauma at a young age (that’s why we don’t talk to the old man near the swings, kids). Similar to the Wolverine, your past is a base for your current motivation, undertaking some kind of personal vow in search of justice. All in all though, you’re one tough nut. There’s not a lot of people who have the minerals to go up against you, and you’re experienced enough not to get cocky and let the little things like never finding happiness get you down!

[Hat Tip : Bogus Gold]

1) Pittsburgh Penguins
2) Anaheim Mighty Ducks
3) Carolina Hurricanes
4) Minnesota Wild
5) Montreal Canadiens
6) Columbus Blue Jackets
7) Chicago Blackhawks Atlanta Thrashers
9) Ottawa Senators
10) Vancouver Canucks
11) Los Angeles Kings
12) San Jose Sharks
13) Buffalo Sabres
14) Washington Capitals
15) New York Islanders
16) New York Rangers
17) Phoenix Coyotes
18) Nashville Predators
19) Detroit Red Wings
20) Philadelphia Flyers
21) Toronto Maple Leafs
22) Boston Bruins
23) New Jersey Devils
24) St. Louis Blues
25) Edmonton Oilers
26) Calgary Flames
27) Colorado Avalanche
28) Dallas Stars
29) Florida Panthers
30) Tampa Bay Lightning

The Elder has posted a letter from a soldier in Iraq (Karbala to be exact) which included this paragraph.

Another example is the first reality show in Iraq - definitely a sign things are changing here for the better. It’s about a couple planning for their marriage. Our translator was telling me all about it - the bride’s brother actually was killed by terrorists during the filming, but the family didn’t let itself be intimidated. That’s how addictive freedom can be. If you ask me, that’s the change here that I’ve noticed since getting stationed here in January - the terrorists are still out there, but the people aren’t intimidated any more. It’s like there’s been a trickle down effect from the Army’s bravery. Now if a bomb goes off outside a recruiting station, the next day the lines of recruits are just as long. That’s having faith in the new Iraq.

Yup. If they’ve gotten to the point that they are creating reality shows, I think they’ll be just fine.

Ok question….funny or sad?? I can't decide.

“War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things; the decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks nothing is worth war is much worse. A man who has nothing for which he is willing to fight; nothing he cares about more than his personal safety; is a miserable creature who has no chance of being free, unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men then himself.”

John Stuart Mill 1806-1873

Last week I purchased a burger for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register.

I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help.

While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.

Why do I tell you this?

Please read more about the “history of teaching math”:

Teaching Math In 1950

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1960

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1970

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math In 1990

By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees. (There are no wrong answers.)

Teaching Math In 2005

El hachero vende un camion carga por $100. La cuesta de production es………….

And we wonder why jobs requiring intelligence are being outsourced??

[Hat Tip : DrunkGuy]

Ok I sat down tonite with no intention of a theme. But it just happened that the all three of my posts are about Schumer being a dumbass today.

So why not just make it official?

So EckerNet officially declares this “Pick on Schumer” Day. Feel free to submit further entries.

Enjoy.

Aahhhhh, Schumer is getting picked on.

In the beginning of Wednesday’s Senate Judiciary Committee confirmation hearing for Bush nominee John G. Roberts Jr., Chairman Orrin Hatch praised Democrat Sen. Charles Schumer of New York for asking “intelligent” questions, but then Hatch switched gears.

“Some [of his questions] I totally disagree with,” Hatch of Utah said. “Some I think are dumbass questions, between you and me. I am not kidding you. I mean, as much as I love and respect you, I just think that’s true.”

A stunned Schumer asked if he heard the chairman correctly, to which Hatch said yes. Again, Schumer asked Hatch if he would like to “revise and extend his remark,” congressional speak for change his mind.

A former trial attorney, Hatch replied: “No, I am going to keep it exactly the way it is. I mean, I hate to say it. I mean, I feel badly saying it between you and me. But I do know dumbass questions when I see dumbass questions.”

The nervous laughter that accompanied the exchange belies the growing tension over the confirmation process.

Damn….