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God said, “Adam, I want you to do something for me.”
Adam said, “Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?”
God said, “Go down into that valley.”
Adam said, “What’s a valley?”
God explained it to him.
Then God said, “Cross the river.”
Adam said, “What’s a river?”
God explained that to him, and then said, “Go over to the hill…….”
Adam said, “What is a hill?”
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, “On the other side of the hill you will find a cave”
Adam said, “What’s a cave?”
After God explained, he said, “In the cave you will find a Woman.”
Adam said, “What’s a woman?”
So God explained that to him, too.
Then, God said, “I want you to reproduce.”
Adam said, “How do I do that?”
God first said (under his breath), “Geez…..” and then, just like
everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.
So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill,
into the cave, and finds the woman.
Then, in about five minutes, he was back.
God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, “What is it now?”
And Adam said ………………..

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“What’s a headache?”

The calling of Shotgun is a time-honored tradition.  In today’s world, it is the act of reserving the front passenger seat in the automobile that caller is about to ride in. The activity has become fairly complex and an important activity. Hence these rules have been created to govern this activity and to explain the responsibilities of this position.  In actual practice, the rules of the owner/driver of the vehicle applies.

History

It is commonly believed that the calling position of Shotgun is a relatively new phenomena.  This is certainly not the case.

The position of Shotgun goes back to the days of covered wagons in the Wild West. In these days of course there was very little safety from attacks by bandits, outlaws, Indians, rival settlers, etc. Of course, driving a wagon, especially during a pursuit usually took most of the attention of the driver, leaving him vulnerable. Therefore usually another member of the party sat by the driver carrying a Shotgun to fend off any would-be attackers. This position was often just as important or more important than the driver.

In today’s world of automobiles and relative peace, it is no longer necessary to have a member of the traveling party carrying a firearm … except in some areas of L.A., Chicago and New York. However, the position of Shotgun is still a revered position. The holder of this handsome position is instantly bequeathed with the advantages of additional leg-room, superior seat adjustability, ease of egress/ingress, panoramic view, vanity mirror access, social prestige, general panache, and sexual accessibility.

Today’s society has generally agreed upon a unwritten set of rules for the claiming of this position. These rules are usually fundamentally the same.  However, there are usually a few variances in these rules.  These rules can be adapted for your own use. In the event of discrepancies, the rules of the owner/driver of the vehicle applies.

Rules of Calling Shotgun

1. Stake your Claim: You must shout out “Shotgun” clearly and loudly. In order for this claim to be valid, at least one other member of the party must hear it.
2. Finish The Job: In order to establish a clearly-defined time frame for the calling of Shotgun, Shotgun can only be called after the event immediately preceding the car ride. This is can be going out to eat, or visiting a friend or whatever. This is to prevent someone from calling Shotgun for an upcoming trip far into the future. This I should mention is a severe sin.
3. Take It Outside: The calling of Shotgun can only take place outside. This defines the precise moment that time frame for the calling of Shotgun begins. In addition, you must be outside with the intention of walking to the vehicle and driving. The jingling of keys is usually a very good indication of this. Hearing the driver say “let’s go” is another one.
   • No Barefoot: You must have your shoes on to call Shotgun. This is to prevent someone from just grabbing their shoes and running out the door to call Shotgun and then put on shoes.
   • Re-Entry: If you go outside and call Shotgun, and then go back in for any reason, your call of Shotgun becomes void, and can immediately be called by someone else.
4. Line-Of-Sight: In the event that the activity directly prior to the car-ride is outdoors, the vehicle must be completely in sight in order to call Shotgun.
5. Abandoning Your Post: If the person sitting in Shotgun leaves their seat for any reason, then Shotgun immediately becomes available for other passengers.

   Exception: If the Shotgunner leaves his seat to allow other passengers to get into the vehicle or is running an errand for the driver, they retain their Shotgun position.

6. Hand-On-Door or Ass-In-Seat: If you manage to place your hand on the door of Shotgun or sit in Shotgun before anyone calls Shotgun, you are hereby granted Shotgun even if someone calls Shotgun afterwards.
7. Multiple Cars: If there are multiple cars involved, when calling Shotgun you must specify which car you are calling Shotgun for.  For example, calling out the drivers name or the type of vehicle immediately following “Shotgun”.
8. In-Context: Someone can only call Shotgun, in the actual context of calling Shotgun. Asking if someone has called Shotgun is not in itself a calling of Shotgun.  Talking about Shotguns is also not.
9. Shotgun Gladiators: Once Shotgun has been called and another member (usually larger) voices their desire to have Shotgun, the driver can call “Prove It”.  The call of “Prove It” forces the two to prove they are worthy of the position of Shotgun.  They two individuals must now wrestle for the position and the winner is granted the Shotgun position.  Any physical tactics short of grievous physical injury are employable.

   This rule is not commonly used and should be reserved for special circumstances only. It should also be noted that if either of the combatants damages the vehicle in any way their Shotgun privileges are revoked for life, or at least the life of the vehicle.

10. Premature-Lift: This applies if you have successfully called Shotgun and are waiting for the doors to be unlocked.  If you lift up on the handle of the door while they are being unlocked, thereby causing the door to stay locked you hereby void your claim to Shotgun.  Shotgun is now available to other passengers to call.
11. Assume The Role: If the vehicle is forced to stop for a serious infraction of the Shotgunner, the Shotgunner must relinquish his/her seat, if the driver so wishes. Serious infractions can include spilling a beverage, failing in the duties of the Shotgunner (see Responsibilities), being annoying, breaking parts of the car, and in extreme cases, just being ugly.
12. Violations: You automatically void your Shotgun privileges for the upcoming ride if you violate any of the rules
13. Supporting Roles: Once Shotgun has been called, other lesser seats can also be called using any of the above rules.  These might be “Not-Bitch” (Bitch: the middle of the back bench seat in most cars), or “Back-Left”, etc.
14. The Final Verdict: The Driver has the final say in all ties and disputes. However most disputes can more easily and fairly be resolved by a quick time-honored game of Rock-Paper-Scissors.
15. Evolution: Since the calling of Shotgun is a forever evolving tradition, these rules can be amended. However, in the event that a new rule is determined, it will not be enforced until the end of the current journey.

Exceptions

1. Medical Privilege: In the instance, that one of the passengers may become so ill during the course of the car ride that the other occupants feel he/she will vomit, then the ill person shall be granted Shotgun to make appropriate use of the window.
2. Got Maps?: In the situation, where only one person knows how to get to the destination, and this person is not the driver, then as the navigator they assume the position of Shotgun, unless they so incline.  However, they still assume the role of navigator.
3. Genetic Misfit: Should one of the occupants be too wide, or tall, or large to comfortably fit in the back seat, then the driver may show mercy and grant Shotgun to the genetic misfit.  However, in this case the other passengers are allowed (and encouraged) to heckle the mutant for the entire journey.
4. The Better Half: In the event that a Significant Other (girl/boyfriend, fiancée, wife, husband, etc) of the driver is part of the group, that person is automatically granted Shotgun privileges.  This Significant Other may turn down this spot, at which time the normal rules apply unless subject to other exceptions.
5. Paying the Bills: If someone besides the owner of the vehicle is driving, the owner automatically gets Shotgun privileges.  This supercedes all previous exceptions. If the owner of the vehicle turns down this position, the normal rules apply unless subject to other exceptions.

Responsibilities of Shotgun

1. The Shotgunner must server as Navigator. This means, they must watch for signs, and intersections that the driver may miss. If directions are needed, the Shotgunner must ask.  If a map needs to be consulted, the Shotgunner must check the map.  If the group gets lost, it is always the Shotgunners fault.
2. The Shotgunner will serve as Lookout for the vehicle. This involves looking out for potential hazards.  Potential Hazards includes stalled cars, debris on the road, law enforcement, road construction, etc.
3. It is the responsibility of the Shotgunner to take control of the radio, air conditioning, heat, etc.  However, the driver has the final say over the settings. The opinion of other occupants of the vehicle are simply that, opinions. The driver may also ask the Shotgunner to control such devices as wipers, defoggers, GPS device, etc.

   If the Shotgunner is found to be delinquent in their duties by missing a road sign, forcing the occupants to listen to bad music, or allowing the temperature of the vehicle to become uncomfortable, the Shotgun privilege is lost.  Of course this is all in the good judgment of the driver.

   [Inspired by ShotgunRules.Com. You can buy all sorts of Shotgun Rules stuff at that site.]

Yes that’s right. Lock your daughters and hide your doors….well you know what I mean….even if I don’t.

That’s right. I finally got around to setting up Moveable Type on my site. And that means I can finally actually do something with the site. You see before I had handcoded all the HTML myself. Which was fine…at first. And fun…at first. But when you considering archives and such, it got to be a real hassle. Every time I wanted to update the site I had to redo all the HTML. So a short simple post took at least an hour.

Took me awhile to figure out this Moveable Type stuff but I think I got it down now. The site is sort of in disarray right now. I got the basic infrastructure up so it’s useable for the most part. However, it will take me awhile to transfer all the old material over. Apparently the import tool for Moveable Type doesn’t like my old page structure.

Also have alot of plugins to install. Some for my own sake and others for yours. Most notable is a comment spam blocker. Even though I’m small site with probably zero readership now after all this time, the spammers have already found me. So until I get that set up you may occasionally see spam or inappropriate materials in the comments section.

And hopefully I build up my readership rather quickly. I used to have a fairly sizeable group of people viewing my site. If you are one of them, welcome back. If you are not, well….welcome anyway!

So in summary, EckerNet is back and hopefully better than ever.