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Ok I forget how I came across this but recently I learned that a French company named KEO is planning on launching a space time capsule. I guess it caught my eye because of the sheer time involved and that it\’ll be in space. Now the first thing that occurred to me…ok actually the first thing that occurred to me is how bizarre the idea is, but since it came from the French I wasn\’t too surprised. But the second thing that occurred to me is how incredibly stupid this idea is. First of all it\’s a time capsule, which I\’ll ridicule shortly. Secondly it\’s in space and it\’s supposed to stay up there for 50,000 years.

Ok so what\’s my problem with time capsules you may ask? You may also ask the meaning of life, but I\’m not going to answer that right now. Instead I want to tell you why I hate time capsules. They are incredibly stupid that\’s why. They almost always get filled with a bunch of junk such as beanie babies, teletubbies, barneys, IMacs, Expos paraphernalia. They bury it in hopes that future generations will find it, open it and find a barrel of half-decayed crap that nobody wanted when it was buried. They don\’t have to hope that it\’s found cause it invariably will be, they instead hope it\’s half-decayed so that future generations don\’t realize how dumb the items are. And really what is that future generation going to do with it?? Bury it in a landfill?? I think history has shown that most items of significance are usually saved and displayed in a museum somewhere.

Ok for this space capsule, they hope to collect a written message (max 6000 characters) from every person (for free of course) and write it on CD-ROMS and launch it into space for 50,000 years and then crash it to earth (probably killing people in the process, but heh, that\’s technology). Then future generations will dig it out of the building it just destroyed and read all 8 bagillion-zillion messages.

Ok let\’s go over this on a point-by point-basis. First of all I\’m guessing that probably around 90% of the messages will be along the lines of \”God Loves You, Repent Satan\” or \”Frank Was Here\” or \”KISS ROCKS!\” or something along those lines. Basically the kind of crap that only people who grew up watching Beavis and Butthead could write. Won\’t the future generations be impressed with us? They\’re going to start wondering how the hell they manage to evolve from something like us.

Of course this brings up my next point. Seriously, how likely is it that human beings will be around, or even on planet Earth in 50,000 years? We\’re lucky if we\’ve been here 10,000 so far. And chances are good that we\’ve either polluted ourselves to death, killed ourselves in a nuclear war, or have left for a new unspoiled planet by that time.

Also how do they expect this capsule to survive. First of all we\’re starting to have a serious problem with space debris in orbit around the planet. Chances it will be destroyed before 1000 years passes. Also, the reentry…first of all reentry doesn\’t work well for most things. Even the space shuttle has problems doing it. Satellites certainly don\’t survive. Even the Mir didn\’t make it intact. Don\’t tell me they are planning on covering it with some giant cooker shield??

Also, let\’s say this works out, and we actually launch a time capsule of CD-ROMs into space. And for the sake of argument, let\’s assume that the capsule survives and eventually returns to Earth. And while we\’re assuming, let\’s also assume that mankind is around at the time and recovers the capsule. Now who\’s to say that after 50,000 years we\’ll still even be able to read it? I consider it a small miracle when Microsoft Word is able to read a document created by a previous version. How do we expect them to be able to read the files?? Technology moves so fast that chances are they won\’t know what to do with the CDs. How many people are capable of playing 8-Tracks anymore? I consider the point made. So instead we\’re expecting our descendants to recreate antiquated technology just to read a bunch of stupid messages.

Language….this is another issue. For sake of example, I\’ll use the English language. The actual English language has only been around perhaps 1000, maybe 2000 years. And in that time it\’s evolved and changed A LOT. All languages have a tendency to do that. Some people have a problem interpreting Shakespeare and that\’s only been a couple hundred years. So in 50,000 years, what\’s the likelihood that anyone will be speaking anything even remotely resembling English or whatever language they are written in? Not much in my opinion.

Really the only redeeming part of this is that the messages aren\’t censored. I\’m thinking a really nice touch would be to leave a death threat to your neighbors distant descendants…it might be a nice touch since even the worms that devoured your corpse will be long dead.

In any case it\’s probably worthless but here\’s the URL for those crazy French loonies:
http://www.keo.org

Them: \”Damn it\’s cold out there…\”

Me: \”huh??? well …. ya…it\’s February…\”

Them: \”Ya but it\’s still too cold for me\”

Me: \”You realize you live in Minnesota right? You realize just north of us is Canada?? You were vaguely aware this is a cold weather state correct???\”

Them: \”Well yes, but it\’s still colder than I\’d like\”

Me: \”Well I\’d love a brand new Porsche for each day of the week but you don\’t hear me bitching do you?\”

Them: \”Well you don\’t need to be mean about it\”

Me: \”You realize it\’s the warmest winter we\’ve had in years right? Now it drops in the mere vicinity of the freezing temp and you complain?? Are you tropical or retarded???\”

Them (whining): \”But it\’s still cold out there!\”

Me: \”DEAL WITH IT!!!!\”

The above is a brief summary of a conversation I\’ve had a lot this winter. For those of you that don\’t know, I live in Minnesota…yes on purpose. It\’s normally very cold. An entire week below zero Fahrenheit is not supposed to be uncommon. However, lately we\’ve had a string of very mild winters. Due to this, the entire state seems to have forgotten that it gets cold here.

This winter it\’s felt more like Fall, I even started wearing short sleeve shirts. I had the windows on my truck down on the way to work one day this winter. I think I\’ve used the heater in my home twice this winter. Basically my point is it\’s been warm…especially by Minnesotan standards.

Now this is Minnesota, even without a geography or meteorology degree the average person should be able to determine that it is likely to be cold here. Also many Minnesotans stay here their entire lives. Your born here, raised here and live here full-time. You should be used to it by now. So now it gets cold one day and the whole state is bitching. What the hell?

This seems to fall in the common sense area. If your not used to the cold or for some reason can\’t tolerate it WHY ARE YOU HERE?!!? I can\’t make that point enough. Why would you voluntarily live in a place that doesn\’t agree with you? Why would you not move somewhere that\’s more comfortable to you?

Now I could understand if you lived in Minnesota for years, only to have your house flattened by a earthquake and then have the rubble blown away by a Hurricane. You would have a right to complain and bitch till the end of the earth then. Because you live in a place where those things don\’t happen and you probably like it like that.

However, I\’d like to alert everyone to a few facts about Minnesota. It gets cold here. We can\’t control the weather. It gets cold here. It will probably snow….A LOT. It gets cold here. We like to fish. It gets cold here. We like hockey. It gets cold here. Hot dish is a common food. It gets cold here. Do you see a pattern??

Good! Because I don\’t want to hear anymore complaints about the cold. It\’s not cold, it\’s normal. Your not voicing any profound thought, it\’s normal. You live in a cold state, deal with it or move! Don\’t complain about the insanely obvious. Don\’t complain about what you should be used to.

You know what? … Just to be safe, nobody but me is allowed to complain…about anything!

Whining About America
How easy. How Dumb.

In the end, the International Olympics Committee relented. They allowed the American team at the Salt Lake City games to carry the actual flag found in the wreckage of the World Trade Center in the opening ceremonies. They even let it be flown over the stadium. It took a certain amount of persuasion, but in the end, they let the Americans have it. \”These games are held in the United States and we have deep respect and sympathy for everything that has happened since September 11,\” said Francois Carrard, the IOC\’s director general. \”But let\’s not forget the games is a universal event.\”

Perhaps it\’s appropriate that the Olympic Games are being held in the United States at this time. They sum up the often exquisitely awkward relationship between America and the rest of the world. The Olympics are designed to be truly international occasions, although they inevitably play to the host country\’s nationalism, and, in the competitions themselves, to other countries\’ nationalism as well. But each time they are held in the U.S., this tension between internationalist aspirations and nationalist reality seems to increase exponentially.

Remember Atlanta – where American audiences were regarded as oblivious to the athletes from other nations? Above all, remember Los Angeles? That year – 1984 – was a pivotal one in the Cold War. Europe was tense with cruise missiles facing their Soviet equivalents. Four years earlier, the United States had boycotted Moscow and this time, the Soviets returned the favor. Ronald Reagan was gearing up for his landslide re-election. Europeans were ambivalent about a cowboy president when they weren\’t terrified. The opening ceremony was an almost lugubriously kitschy spectacle – with dozens of Elvis impersonators, corporate logos everywhere, Lionel Ritchie singing, and \”Up With People\” grinning and leaping their way into the collective consciousness. I remember watching it and wincing. But I also remember being transfixed by its exuberance and power. I recalled the creaking fascist monotones of the Moscow games compared with the multi-colored ebullience of L.A. I turned to my friend who was watching it with me and said, \”You know what? They may be vulgar, but they\’re going to win this war.\”

And win it they did. But the difficulty America now has in dealing with the world is far greater than it was in 1984. Back then, it was a choice between the Americans and the Soviets. Now there\’s a choice between the Americans – and everyone else. In 2002, there isn\’t even a faint rival to the United States in global domination. Already, the U.S. defense budget dwarves most of its competitors combined. With the projected vast increases in new military spending, the gap will widen even further. NATO itself seems increasingly redundant, since the high-tech American military has only the British even broadly in their league, and genuine military alliances are becoming harder and harder to forge. America\’s economy, despite the current slowdown, has only increased its lead over Europe in the last decade and left Japan in the dust. With the initial phase of the war on terrorism coming to a brief resolution, it is also clear that America\’s global reach and technological superiority is making the word \”hegemon\” seem like an under-statement.

So the resentment of American power – even among close allies like Britain – is not only likely. It\’s inevitable. And because there isn\’t even a close rival emerging to challenge this hegemon, the resentment will only increase. We\’ve seen what this amounts to in the form of the failed satrapies of the Islamic Middle East: a mixture of begging bowls for U.S. aid and murderous terrorism in resentment of it. In China, it is greeted with deep suspicion and a ferocious new nationalism in its own right – but there is still no sign of an actual, substantive Chinese military able to compete for global dominance with the U.S. In Europe, there is the cult of the E.U. among the elites, and the euro for the masses. But every European country understands that world power is something in the history books, not feasible, if even desirable, today.

The more interesting question is: what should the United States do about resentment of its dominance? Sure, it can and should consult its allies more widely. But when those allies (with the exception of Britain) have very little substantive to contribute in, say, waging the war in Afghanistan, those consultations can end up being exercises in condescension or phoniness. Sure, the U.S. can and should take a more active role in many international institutions. But it cannot be expected to provide the bulk of the funding for bodies (like the U.N.) whose main task seems, at times, to be attacking the United States and its allies. Nor should a great power be expected consistently to subordinate its own interests to those of other states, especially when its actions actually protect those other states from harm. If Europeans resent America\’s power, they need to ask themselves: would they like to confront global terrorism without it? Imagine al Qaeda intact today, entering into close contact with Iraq or Iran to get nuclear, biological or chemical weapons to detonate in the middle of London. Feel better about American hegemony now?

Then of course when it appears that the United States might actually take its allies\’ advice and retreat into ambivalence, there is a chorus of disapproval and widespread fears of a new \’isolationism.\’ America, when you look at it, is damned if she does, and damned if she doesn\’t. Which is why Americans, at some point, just get on with it and ignore the chorus of whining from around the world.

That\’s the underlying reality, and we might as well acknowledge it. That\’s why the IOC gave in to American demands that its WTC flag be a part of the opening ceremony in Salt Lake City. That\’s why, in the end, the United States will eventually ignore allies who refuse to cooperate in the war against terrorism and terrorist states. Real power always finds a way. And the only corrective to American dominance is not an attempt to weaken America or poison the world by fomenting hatred of her. At the moment, when America is the firmest bulwark against a terrorist network that aims to destroy every free country, that would be a particularly foolish venture. No, the only corrective to American hegemony is for other countries to emulate the free markets, free thought and free institutions that undergird the United States and make American economic and military power possible. But that\’s so much harder than the panacea of envy, isn\’t it?

February 10, 2002, The Sunday Times of London.

Ok here\’s something I complain about quite regularly. People driving like idiots. Almost every other driver I see on the road does stuff like this to a certain degree.

First of all, the issue of on/off ramps, turn lanes, etc. The point of these are to adjust your speed accordingly once your actually in the lane. Not before. If your driving down the highway and your going to be exiting soon, you should start slowing down AFTER you turn into the off-ramp. Not before, that only causes an obstruction.

Same thing with on-ramps. The point of on-ramps is to get your damn vehicle up to speed so that you can safely merge into traffic. The on-ramp is not to coast along and then stop at the end of it and wonder why nobody is letting your stopped car into traffic as they fly by at 70 mph.

Once again, same thing with turn lanes. Don\’t assume that everyone behind you is planning on turning here. They don\’t need to slow down and aren\’t expecting you to. Turn lanes are built of varying length so that they allow the driver to slow down depending on what speed traffic is going in that area. If you slow down outside of the turn lane you only create an obstruction.

When you don\’t follow the above rules of the road, not only do you piss off your fellow drivers, but you also put their lives in danger. And probably more importantly, it causes traffic jams which cost time, money and cause accidents. Nothing irks me more than to sit in a traffic jam I know was caused by an idiot.

Another issues is cell phones and this is a common occurrence of late. Your car is not an office, no matter how important you think you are. If you were really that important you would have a limo that would allow you to conduct business while in the vehicle.

Now I\’ll admit I have a cell phone myself. However, when I\’m in the vehicle it is either turned off, or hooked up to a headset. This headset is already on my head and adjusted. My phone is programmed so that when it\’s plugged into a headset it automatically picks up after two rings. Therefore is someone calls me while I\’m driving I don\’t have to do anything, except maybe turn down the radio. I simply wait for the second ring and say \”What the hell do you want?\”.

You people that drive while holding onto the cell phone make me sick. I\’d love nothing more than to force you off the road and shove that phone up your ass. Your not paying attention half the time. Your obstructing traffic in the process. Your not obeying traffic laws. Should the need arise that you need two hands on the wheel you can\’t do that cause your too busy endangering everyone else\’s lives.

Next issue is the left lane on highways. First of all, the left lane is not just another lane. It is a passing lane. For those of you that don\’t know what that means, that means that that lane is used for passing.

Also, you should know common sense and the polite rule of slower traffic stay right. For those of you that don\’t understand how this works I\’ll explain. If traffic is piling up behind you, move one lane to the right. If traffic is passing you on the right, you shouldn\’t be in your lane, move to the right. If traffic is tailgating you, it\’s a good sign that they want you to either go faster or move to the right lane. If your moving the same speed as the lane to the right of you, chances are someone is going to want to go faster than you, move over to the right. If a semi or anything towing a trailer is passing you, your going too damn slow.

Ok, now a bit on people with loud cars. You all know the people I mean. You\’ll be peacefully doing whatever it is your doing when suddenly someone will be revving their engine and tearing down the road, creating a sound the equivalent of a sonic boom. First of all, to you people who do that…nobody is impressed. Trust me, I\’ve checked. The only thing everyone is thinking is \”What a loser…can\’t they afford a muffler or decent tires??\”. Rather than show us what a shitty car you have, why don\’t you let your friend drive?

Now about people who are lost. Now I know all of you have seen this. You\’ll be driving down a street on your way to wherever your going. You get stuck behind someone going 5 mph in a 40 mph zone. In between your cursing you notice that they have this big map unfolded and/or they are reading from a page of directions. Ok…if you don\’t know where your going, figure out the direction BEFORE, not during. Pull your ass over and then look at a map or read directions. By trying to figure it out while driving all your doing is pissing other people off and becoming an obstruction to traffic.

I think that covers most of my complaints, although I\’m probably missing quite a few. I\’ll think of more on the way to work tomorrow.